How to "block" unwanted contact
March 23, 2015 11:55 PM   Subscribe

I've had a stalker for about 4 years. I'm not physically afraid of this person, but this is a nuisance in terms of intrusive, unwanted phone calls, texts, emails, social media. I am just so done with this person not respecting my right to peace in my own home. How do I "block" landline/cell phone when Verizon tells me "no can do?" Details after the fold.

Backstory: I have requested that someone not contact me again. That request has not been honored. There was no relationship here, I helped an acquaintance re-connect with the system for needed medical/mental health benefits. No good deed and all that jazz ...

Since the constant calling/texting/emailing started, I have changed my phone number (landline and cell). The calls, texts and emails persisted (this person is very tech savvy and found my new info). The messages left are not threatening, but the person persisted after being told several times not to contact me, and then still after I went no contact. I constantly have to check Caller ID before I answer the phone. However, this person keeps changing their phone number, which makes Caller ID useless.

I frequently see advice on AskMeFi telling people to "block (someone)" but … my question is, how is this done?

Verizon in NY no longer offers the paid service that used to allow a person to block a specific number. When I called Verizon, at the suggestion of the local precinct, I was told that the service was not "profitable" so it was abandoned. Verizon suggested I change my numbers again or pay to be completely unlisted. I'm already listed under a slight name change with no address. This person does know my address but has not shown up recently; and, I don't want to antagonize this person with an OofP which was the NYPDs second suggestion. I don't want this to escalate.

I have strict privacy measures on FB and little info on LinkedIn -- though I am regretting responding to a recent invitation to join there because … sure enough, I was contacted immediately. Of course I did not respond.

I do not want to be forced to change phone numbers and email addys again, this is just not fair.

So what information am I missing?

When you all say to "block" someone, exactly what are you suggesting? Is there a way to block a number on a landline or cell phone of which I am unaware? Should I just go on as I am, hoping that one day it will stop?

Any clarification on "blocking" or other suggestions appreciated.

And please don't kick me in the @ss for helping this person. I do own a highlighted copy of The Gift of Fear and read it annually. I just didn't see this coming. ;)

Many thanks for any thoughts.
posted by alwayson_slightlyoff to Grab Bag (21 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: In the contacts list of my Android phone, I have an "add to reject list" option which makes incoming calls from that number not cause the phone to ring. I believe most cellphones have a similar feature.
posted by NMcCoy at 12:04 AM on March 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


Oops, missed the "keeps changing their phone number" bit. Even with service-provider-level blocking services, I am fairly sure that they can only block numbers as that's the only identifying info they have.
posted by NMcCoy at 12:07 AM on March 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


If they keep calling from different numbers then the blocking that cellphones do will be as useless as caller ID.

I guess what I don't understand is how they're getting all of your contact info so fast. Is it some kind of service they're paying for? I'm asking because if you're also fuzzy on this, figuring out how they're getting info might be a place to start? If you know but you left it out of the question... I think when people say to "block" someone they're not imagining this extreme kind of persistence.
posted by bleep at 12:11 AM on March 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


This goes against the Gift of Fear advice but if you're not frightened of them, would a frank,"'I absolutely hate you and you disgust me, I never want to hear your annoying voice or read your name as long as I live? And I'll call the police if I ever hear from your pathetic self again?" help?

Brutal but if it's not someone with "romantic" or violent intentions, is pretty clear. Just a thought.
posted by taff at 12:25 AM on March 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Stalkers fall into various 'sub groups' - look it up/know your stalker. Getting aggressive could give the twat a kick.

The problem with blocking him is you lose evidence. Not sure why you haven't called the police? (Or maybe you have..?). This is harassment. A harassment warning from police will stop some stalkers. If it doesn't you have a more disturbed stalker.
posted by tanktop at 12:32 AM on March 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Best answer: I have a device very similar to this one on my landline phone to block unknown/withheld numbers. It does the job perfectly. The device I linked has a whitelist feature that would let you allow only specific numbers to contact you.
posted by Solomon at 2:16 AM on March 24, 2015 [5 favorites]


Google Voice?
posted by salvia at 2:36 AM on March 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


Best answer: Since the constant calling/texting/emailing started, I have changed my phone number (landline and cell). The calls, texts and emails persisted (this person is very tech savvy and found my new info).

No amount of tech savvy can get your cell phone number from the phone company without some kind of fraud. Think about how you're acquainted to this person and who they know that you know. Landlines are one thing, but if they got your cell phone number, either you've got it listed publicly somewhere... or some mutual acquaintance is responding to them when they say something like, "Hey, do you have Alwayson's new number?" Ditto your email. Do the other people you know know that you don't want to hear from this person? My first suspicion is that there's somebody well-meaning here who wants to be helpful to your nuisance, thinks you're still willing/able to help them, and is encouraging this in some fashion.

Given the mental health thing and evident instability, I'm willing to give some benefit of the doubt that their new numbers may be the result of using prepaid phones and not having stable enough income to keep the same number indefinitely. But even if they were deliberately changing it, I doubt this person is some super-hacker who can get into the phone company to get them to divulge info like that. I think you have a human problem more than a technology problem, and that you may need to find more blunt ways to say "go away" and ensure that your mutual contacts aren't trying to push off the nuisance onto you that they don't want for themselves.
posted by Sequence at 5:05 AM on March 24, 2015 [12 favorites]


I agree that it is likely that this person is getting your information from mutual contacts. I feel like you should re-think an OofP - if this person is still contacting you at every chance they get 4 years later, you are not the one escalating the situation. In addition to legal protections, it could help whoever is leaking your information understand the seriousness of their actions, and also alert any caretakers your stalker may have to your stalker's inappropriate behaviors.
posted by fermezporte at 5:26 AM on March 24, 2015 [7 favorites]




Best answer: If you have a smartphone, get the Mr. Number app and set it to "pick up and hang up" on that person's numbers.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:58 AM on March 24, 2015


Or if they keep changing their numbers, set it up to not audibly ring or go to voicemail for unknown numbers. You don't really need to to be at the beck and call of people calling from unknown numbers regardless.
posted by Jacqueline at 6:00 AM on March 24, 2015 [6 favorites]


Best answer: See also this previous AskMe which has tonnes of helpful advice.
posted by kariebookish at 6:20 AM on March 24, 2015


- Yes, pay for unlisted service. It's a pittance. Why wouldn't you?

- Yes, change all of your numbers and contact info again. Start fresh. Why wouldn't you?

- Get off LinkedIn and create dummy emails you use to sign up for anything that amounts to data collection, anything that tracks your REAL name w/ an email address. You might also make a fake name & email & facebook combo to sign up for all types of online stuff. Be aware that your smart phone apps might link your real info to data collection - so turn off sharing in app preferences or delete those apps altogether. This is how Spokeo and similar finds you, you want to UN-Link as many contact points between your name and activity on the web. You want to be a ghost.

- Agreed w/ all of the advice about someone giving out your number/prepaid cell phones.

- Agreed about Google Voice, blocking apps, blocking devices that only allow "white numbers" allow you to screen unknowns.

I've been doing all of this for years, out of habit, and more. I imagine when I finally change my driver's license soon to my married name, my maiden and legal name will finally be linked in online search engines. That will suck a little.

- All of my bank/phone accounts have a double layer of fraud protection passwords. I can't just call in and access my accounts.

- I'm also wondering if your passwords are really easy to guess? Maybe this person has access to a master email account you still use? Someplace number or password change notifications are sent??

- Do you have an alarm on your home? Magnetic door and window alarms are cheap. You can get
iCamPro for cheap & pay $5 a month to them for extra data - this turns your laptop camera or any external camera device connected to a computer into a home monitoring system. You need to improve your home security.

- Could there be a key logger on your computer? Some other way stalker is accessing your devices?
----

The list of precautions you can and should take are endless. Any place your name/phone number/email are linked is a point of concern. You can develop a new system for interacting with services that require your personal info, and I suggest you come up with a plan and do that.

Or. Just get an Order of Protection. This is what they are for.
posted by jbenben at 7:12 AM on March 24, 2015


Best answer: Just adding to some previous answers: If you like the idea of a whitelist and have an iPhone, the Do Not Disturb feature can do this.
posted by gnomeloaf at 7:39 AM on March 24, 2015


Can you move your phone bills into another person's name? Like your mom or your sibling for example. If they are getting your info from published phone number owner records, that might be one way to get around it.

But I agree that this is likely a human error issue on the part of some middle acquaintance. As you transition from one number to the next, clamp down hard on who has what info. As you slowly disseminate your new number, have a no-nonsense conversation with each recipient that under no circumstances is nuisance stalker to be made aware of your new contact info. If it happens again, you should be able to determine from the time frame who your leak is.
posted by vignettist at 7:47 AM on March 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


Best answer: On smartphones, blocking is a feature of the phone, not the carrier, which is why Verizon isn't much help. (Of course they aren't. They're Verizon.) You don't mention what kind of phone you have, but almostmanda already linked to instructions for blocking a number on an iPhone. IF that's what you have, it's probably worth knowing what this looks like to the person calling you.

The good news is that it isn't immediately apparent to the caller that you've blocked their number. If someone calls you from a number that you have blocked, apparently they hear one ring and then divert straight to voice mail. They hear your greeting and can leave a message as normal, so all seems ordinary to them (in case there's a concern about them getting upset that you've blocked them and possibly escalating) but you don't get any notification that a message has been left, nor does it appear in your voicemail messages unless you scroll all the way to the bottom where there's a folder called Blocked Messages. In other words, if you need to find one of these messages from a blocked caller (e.g., as evidence of their behavior) you can do so, but normally you just carry on with no indication that they tried to call you.

Again, that's for the iPhone, but I expect Android and other smartphones probably are similar.
posted by Naberius at 10:16 AM on March 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


BTW, taking a closer look at the article almostmanda linked to, it contradicts what I said about what the caller hears when they've been blocked. Specifically it claims the caller gets a fast busy and doesn't get through. That article is talking about iOS 7, not the current iOS 8. Perhaps they changed it for the new OS?

I'm pretty sure I'm right for the current system because my wife just blocked a real estate agent who apparently is really committed to the idea of selling our house for us. (No! We live there!) And we were curious about what she would get. She has left at least one more message in the couple days since we blocked her. So she did get through to my wife's voicemail; she left a message that didn't indicate she noticed anything out of the ordinary; and that message was recoverable in a blocked messages folder.

Sorry for any confusion.
posted by Naberius at 10:25 AM on March 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


I agree that this situation is what restraining orders are meant for.
posted by corb at 10:56 AM on March 24, 2015


Response by poster: Wow, this is a lot of info. Thank you.

You know, I said that I am not physically afraid; but, after posting last night I almost contacted a mod to erase this post. I thought: can this be googled? This person would be both hurt and angry to be called a stalker. I've actually ramped up my own anxiety by posting, which is ridiculous as I haven't done anything wrong.

I'm sorry, I should have specified that I have an android phone; but, my contract is up this month so if it is easier to block on an iPhone and if I can afford it, perhaps I will switch.

kariebookish's link to the prior Ask was indeed filled with very detailed info. Thankfully I am not in such dire straits (and I am sending good thoughts via the Universe to that person) – this is more of a nuisance, trying my patience. Having been very forceful before going no contact has actually lessened the calls (it used to be sometimes 10 or more per day, into early morning). Still the calls catch me off guard now if I forget to check the Caller ID.

The device linked to by Solomon is affordable and will be very helpful. Thank you.
Sequence, I think your second paragraph is right on target with regard to prepaid phones and changing numbers. I will also take a look at mutual acquaintances, especially on social network sites – someone who doesn't know me well might fall for a request.

For those who asked, I did speak to the local precinct, cops I deal with in another volunteer capacity – apart from contacting Verizon, and an Oof P which they were not certain was warranted, I came away with the impression that something would have to actually happen before they could step in. I know that many of you are in favor of the Oof P; but, I feel certain that this would push this person over the top, and that is somewhere I don't want to go. I prefer to implement many/all of the blocking techniques suggested. I think that not hearing my voice (that random phone call where I pick up which starts the obsessive calling/attempts at contact) is the best way to go. A long fade. Of course, this is getting to be the longest fade in history!

I have put all the other suggestions in a Word doc in the event something more serious becomes necessary.

Thank you for your thoughtful replies. You've given me much to consider, not least of which is how much longer I will let this go on before stepping up my own response.
posted by alwayson_slightlyoff at 2:16 PM on March 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


You could contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for emotional support, safety planning ideas, and referrals to a local organization that may be able to offer advocacy assistance if you want to file a formal police report. A local organization may also be able to help you get a lawyer for low or no cost, so you can have confidential advice about your legal options.
posted by Little Dawn at 4:48 PM on March 24, 2015


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