Can hypnosis help me deal with anger?
March 12, 2015 7:12 PM Subscribe
Need help in establishing whether hypnosis would help me overcome some issues from the past that are affecting my relationship.
In short, my husband has flirted briefly with some women in the past and while I managed to forgive him in those three occasions, there is still a lot of anger inside me relating to each time he has done it - to the extent I have become almost totally uninterested in sex. Fast forward three years and this issue, of me drifting away from my husband because of anger is still affecting me/us quite significantly.
I would like to be able to find away to try and erase this anger from my subconsciousness, which totally cripples me as it is always there sticking its ugly head out whenever I try getting close to my husband. Would hypnosis help me in terms of reverting back to how I used to be before all this? I am not looking for advice on dealing with being cheated on as I have figured that out - rather I would like to find a way to get rid of the anger that stops me from restarting things properly with my husband. Opinions of anyone who has used hypnosis for similar issues would be much appreciated. Thanks!
In short, my husband has flirted briefly with some women in the past and while I managed to forgive him in those three occasions, there is still a lot of anger inside me relating to each time he has done it - to the extent I have become almost totally uninterested in sex. Fast forward three years and this issue, of me drifting away from my husband because of anger is still affecting me/us quite significantly.
I would like to be able to find away to try and erase this anger from my subconsciousness, which totally cripples me as it is always there sticking its ugly head out whenever I try getting close to my husband. Would hypnosis help me in terms of reverting back to how I used to be before all this? I am not looking for advice on dealing with being cheated on as I have figured that out - rather I would like to find a way to get rid of the anger that stops me from restarting things properly with my husband. Opinions of anyone who has used hypnosis for similar issues would be much appreciated. Thanks!
Here's the Mayo Clinic piece on hypnotherapy, you might find it useful.
posted by HuronBob at 7:26 PM on March 12, 2015
posted by HuronBob at 7:26 PM on March 12, 2015
Can hypnosis help with this? Yes and no. I'm pretty sure an honest practitioner will tell you it won't help, for reasons, but I am not a practioner so you should telephone interview a few.
Don't go more than say, six sessions, try not to spend more than $800 to $1000.
posted by jbenben at 9:07 PM on March 12, 2015
Don't go more than say, six sessions, try not to spend more than $800 to $1000.
posted by jbenben at 9:07 PM on March 12, 2015
There's no magic wand to erase past hurt. There are therapeutic techniques, including hypnosis, that can reduce someone's reactivity or sensitivity to past hurts, but an ethical practitioner's goal would be to help a client reduce their reactivity in order to increase their ability to deal with current issues in productive ways. It's not that anger would be "erased," but that a client's ability to deal with the anger might be increased.
If you do seek out hypnotherapy, I would highly recommend looking for a licensed therapist who also practices hypnosis, rather than someone who does not have a therapy license. You're dealing with betrayals in a major relationships, which I think requires more training than the usual "stop smoking" or "lose weight" programs offered by hypnotists without therapy licenses.
posted by jaguar at 9:14 PM on March 12, 2015 [8 favorites]
If you do seek out hypnotherapy, I would highly recommend looking for a licensed therapist who also practices hypnosis, rather than someone who does not have a therapy license. You're dealing with betrayals in a major relationships, which I think requires more training than the usual "stop smoking" or "lose weight" programs offered by hypnotists without therapy licenses.
posted by jaguar at 9:14 PM on March 12, 2015 [8 favorites]
I think that something like CBT would be more beneficial to you than hypnotherapy.
Is your husband still engaging in the behaviours that hurt you? If he's not and you're giving him a chance, then part of that is forgiving him and moving on. He did something that hurt you, but it is in the past now. It cannot be taken back but you can think about it differently.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 9:50 PM on March 12, 2015
Is your husband still engaging in the behaviours that hurt you? If he's not and you're giving him a chance, then part of that is forgiving him and moving on. He did something that hurt you, but it is in the past now. It cannot be taken back but you can think about it differently.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 9:50 PM on March 12, 2015
I am not looking for advice on dealing with being cheated on as I have figured that out - rather I would like to find a way to get rid of the anger that stops me from restarting things properly with my husband.
My response to this would be that figuring out how to deal with something more or less necessarily includes also processing the anger from that thing.
I know a couple of people who've tried hypnosis for weightloss and quitting smoking. Total waste of money, in both cases, so anecdotally no, I don't think this would work. Shortcuts often don't. It might be more effective to visit a therapist with the specific goal of addressing this anger and talking your way through it. Partly because that way you're learning skills to manage anger in the future. Best of luck.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:44 AM on March 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
My response to this would be that figuring out how to deal with something more or less necessarily includes also processing the anger from that thing.
I know a couple of people who've tried hypnosis for weightloss and quitting smoking. Total waste of money, in both cases, so anecdotally no, I don't think this would work. Shortcuts often don't. It might be more effective to visit a therapist with the specific goal of addressing this anger and talking your way through it. Partly because that way you're learning skills to manage anger in the future. Best of luck.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:44 AM on March 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
In my experience hypnosis doesn't help with anything at all.
posted by rancher at 2:01 AM on March 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by rancher at 2:01 AM on March 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
There's an exercise that I recently read from a book that might help you though. You're supposed to carry around a pen and index card wherever you are and whenever you have an angry thought, you put a check mark on the card. This not only helps you see how often you might get these thoughts, but more importantly helps you to catch repetitive thought patterns and identify them before they run amok in your mind.
Since I'm someone who can never keep an index card and pen with her without losing them every 5 minutes, I'm doing an adapted version of this, where I instead say "negative thought" aloud to identify the negative thought that popped into my head. Then I immediately repeat a positive thought aloud at least 20 times fast over and over. With time it's likely that the brain will then associate the negative thought to the positive one and eventually negate the negative thought altogether.
The book if you're interested is called "Mindful Loving: 10 practices for creating deeper connections " by a psychiatrist called Henry Grayson btw. It gives exercises that claim you can make big changes in your life and relationships by keeping an eye on your daily thought patterns. Although the book mostly focuses on relationships I feel you may find it useful for your problem.
posted by rancher at 6:05 AM on March 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
Since I'm someone who can never keep an index card and pen with her without losing them every 5 minutes, I'm doing an adapted version of this, where I instead say "negative thought" aloud to identify the negative thought that popped into my head. Then I immediately repeat a positive thought aloud at least 20 times fast over and over. With time it's likely that the brain will then associate the negative thought to the positive one and eventually negate the negative thought altogether.
The book if you're interested is called "Mindful Loving: 10 practices for creating deeper connections " by a psychiatrist called Henry Grayson btw. It gives exercises that claim you can make big changes in your life and relationships by keeping an eye on your daily thought patterns. Although the book mostly focuses on relationships I feel you may find it useful for your problem.
posted by rancher at 6:05 AM on March 13, 2015 [3 favorites]
It wasn't anger, but I had hypnotherapy to help me get rid of massive stress relating to a specific past event - healthy stress at the time, but no longer serving me since the event was over (and had moreover been a complete success). Nevertheless there was this mountain of old stress in front of me the whole time and I couldn't shift it no matter how I thought about it. It was really getting to me.
The hypnotherapist suggested to me that my subconscious was holding on to the stress because it believed it was still helping me (making me more vigilant etc). Under hypnosis, she asked the subconscious to let go of the stress. It worked brilliantly. The stress just vanished. For a few days I kept mentally looking around for the enormous mountain of stress that had been looming over me, but it was completely gone.
This worked for me because I didn't need to examine why I was stressed - I just wanted the stress to go away.
I think something similar might be helpful for you, since it seems that your conscious mind has dealt with the betrayal and it's the subconscious mind which is holding on to the anger?
Hope you find some relief.
posted by prune at 6:06 AM on March 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
The hypnotherapist suggested to me that my subconscious was holding on to the stress because it believed it was still helping me (making me more vigilant etc). Under hypnosis, she asked the subconscious to let go of the stress. It worked brilliantly. The stress just vanished. For a few days I kept mentally looking around for the enormous mountain of stress that had been looming over me, but it was completely gone.
This worked for me because I didn't need to examine why I was stressed - I just wanted the stress to go away.
I think something similar might be helpful for you, since it seems that your conscious mind has dealt with the betrayal and it's the subconscious mind which is holding on to the anger?
Hope you find some relief.
posted by prune at 6:06 AM on March 13, 2015 [1 favorite]
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