Why can't anyone hear me?

March 4, 2015 8:03 AM

Problem I've had for years: People don't hear me when I speak even though I hear myself as being loud.

The problem is of course even more of an issue when I have to present something in front of an assembly or group, but even when I'm just ordering a sandwich I'm often asked to speak up. Even with toastmasters which I recently joined people often tell me they can't hear me. So I literally start to YELL to the point where my throat hurts and the result of this is that people can hear me, but it sounds like a normal volume to them and not the throat shredding yelling that it sounds (and physically feels) like to me. Yet when I'm hearing myself my voice sounds really loud.

When recording myself speaking I am amazed at how quiet my voice sounds on the recording because as I am speaking I hear myself as 20X louder than that. I am physically small at 5'2, which I thought might be a factor, but a friend of mine is smaller than I and she is heard by everyone without even trying. I don't understand it and I don't know how to fix it. Is there a way I can fix this? And if so how long does it take to fix it? I'd really like to be able to be heard without hurting my throat.

posted by manderin to Health & Fitness (20 answers total)

When you hear yourself, part of what you are hearing comes from bone conduction, which is why people think they sound different when they listen to recordings of themselves played back. To talk louder without hurting your throat, try to open your mouth more. You'll be surprised by what a big difference it makes, and it's a fairly easy habit to pick up. Practice with recordings, which, as you have heard, accurately reflect your audibility.
posted by ubiquity at 8:07 AM on March 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

You might talk to a voice coach -- they can help you learn to support your voice more and project the sound forward, rather than just resonating it around in your head. A couple of sessions might go a long way. (My spouse has been developing the same problem and is considering this course of action...)
posted by acm at 8:07 AM on March 4, 2015 [13 favorites]

I've noticed that a lot of times, people who are introverted speak more quietly than those who aren't (are you introverted?). And/or maybe you have sensitive hearing, and are working to that feedback when you yourself speak (do other people's loud voices bother you?).

I think to get heard, you just have to consciously try to project.
posted by cotton dress sock at 8:08 AM on March 4, 2015 [4 favorites]

One thing I've found helps me when I get into that situation (I tend to let my voice drop very low, so people sometimes have trouble hearing me at the end of sentences), is to think about emphasizing the consonants when I speak. Obviously, you don't want to emphasize them so much that it sounds weird and unnatural, but people seem to be able to decipher speech better when they can hear the consonants, since vowels tend to blend together.
posted by holborne at 8:14 AM on March 4, 2015

Get your own hearing checked, and yes to a voice coach or speech therapist. There's no reason to shred your throat just by speaking at a normal volume audible to most other people in most environments
posted by rtha at 8:16 AM on March 4, 2015 [4 favorites]

I have the same problem on and off. When I took voice lessons I learned different ways to help my voice open up more in ways that didn't hurt my throat at all. Most vocal loudness comes from breath support/control and the shape of your mouth (inside and out) as opposed to pushing it from your throat.
posted by bananana at 8:16 AM on March 4, 2015 [4 favorites]

One thing I've found helps me when I get into that situation (I tend to let my voice drop very low, so people sometimes have trouble hearing me at the end of sentences)
This is worth thinking about - I talk to race car drivers through a radio frequently and they always have more trouble hearing me in my normal speaking voice over the engine/car noises so I adopted the habit of pitching my voice up (maybe half an octave? Just guessing. Maybe more, but a full octave sounds too much) and this helped tremendously. Of course, it's likely more about the background noise and where it is on a similar range in my example but lower voices in general don't carry as well as higher pitched ones so it may be worth experimenting with.
posted by Brockles at 8:20 AM on March 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

Hearing test first. Next step after that might be a speech pathologist, or it might be an ENT doctor for a more thorough examination.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:37 AM on March 4, 2015

I've noticed a lot of people suggesting you have a hearing test; pointing out that the OP says she can hear herself, and is often the only one who can. Her hearing is fine.

But I will second the working with a vocal coach - there's a lot more to speaking-to-be-heard than volume. It's a matter of breath control, where in your body the sound is coming from, lip and tongue configuration, etc. And working with a vocal coach definitely works - I had speech and vocal coaching for three years in college (I studied theater), and to this day I am able to comfortably project my voice loud enough that once I made an announcement that was loud enough for people in two completely packed Amtrak train cars to have heard me, and at another point I was given some lines in a play and could be heard by everyone in a 300-seat theater without using a microphone, and at no time did I feel like I was "yelling".

You saying that it feels like your throat actually hurts is what's making me think this is something a vocal coach could definitely help with.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:01 AM on March 4, 2015 [2 favorites]

When you speak loud enough for others to hear, does it bother your ears, or is it just your throat? If I've been by myself all day, I tend to feel like I'm speaking loudly when it's really the soft side of normal, but it doesn't bother my ears to speak louder, and I quickly adapt. If it's just your throat that really bugs you, you might want to try the recommendations for projecting etc or start with a speech evaluation. If it bothers your ears to speak loud enough (autophonia) or if you're especially sensitive to loud sounds in general(hyperacusis), an ENT evaluation first might be more efficient.
posted by ghost phoneme at 9:08 AM on March 4, 2015

I suggested a hearing test because not being able to judge how loudly you're speaking can be a sign of hearing problems. It isn't always, of course, but it can be.
posted by rtha at 9:14 AM on March 4, 2015 [8 favorites]

Being able to hear yourself doesn't mean you don't have hearing problems, and inability to perceive your own volume can be a symptom of hearing impairment.

It is also incredibly frustrating to wait weeks/months to get in to an ENT and have them refer to you an audiologist (which a lot of people have much easier access to, though it can be harder in small towns) with only a perfunctory exam. The audiologist might also refer to a neurologist instead (sometimes even more difficult to get in) instead of ENT based on the results of the test.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:31 AM on March 4, 2015

I'm no kind of doctor, but I agree that this could be a medical issue and should be checked out if possible! I'm sure I've heard of a condition that causes the voice to be unusually quiet (which would explain having to strain to make yourself heard), and if your loud-to-you voice is due to a hearing disorder, it might not be hearing loss per se, but -- for example -- something like partially open eustachian tubes (the airway leading from middle ear to back of throat), which can greatly amplify your voice to yourself by piping it right into your ear. Anyway, I think a medical pro can tell you more than us, or at least refer you to someone like a speech therapist who can help you project more if it is simply that -- good luck getting this resolved.
posted by Drexen at 10:16 AM on March 4, 2015

Where do you point your mouth?

Your mention of ordering a sandwich reminds me of many friends I've had who order at a lunch counter or restaurant while looking down at the counter or down at a menu, and are then asked to repeat their order.

It's a lot easier to hear someone when their mouth is pointed at the listener.
posted by MonsieurBon at 11:46 AM on March 4, 2015

I can speak at a low or normal volume such that nearby people can hear me and then without raising the volume much reach entire rooms by projecting my voice. It feels and sounds totally different than yelling. If all the action is just in your throat, you may want to work on projecting exercises which definitely involve diaphragm/abdominal control.
posted by vegartanipla at 12:20 PM on March 4, 2015

I've noticed a lot of people suggesting you have a hearing test; pointing out that the OP says she can hear herself, and is often the only one who can. Her hearing is fine.

I'm not your audiologist and this isn't audiological advice, but my first thought was, hmmm, maybe she has a conductive hearing problem - could be something as simple as lots of wax, but it could be something else too.

Hearing your own voice much louder in proportion to your speaking voice can be a sign of some kind of occlusion issue or bone conduction issue. Consider this: when you have earplugs in, you can hear yourself very well and very loudly, which makes you tend to talk much too quiet to be heard by others.

So yeah, I would recommend a hearing test just to rule that out. After that, speech language pathologist of other type of voice therapist.
posted by Lutoslawski at 2:13 PM on March 4, 2015

So yeah, OP, when I suggested that maybe you didn't need a hearing test? You should ignore that part 'cos I'm not a doctor and I was wrong. (Oops.)

...I still stand by my vocal coach advice, though. The projecting exercises vegartanipla mentions above are exactly the kind of things I did for 3 years that lead to my Voice Of God.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:47 PM on March 4, 2015

One technique you might look into is what some voice teachers call "twang" -- you narrow a particular place in your throat (the aryepiglottic sphincter) to create overtones that make the sound "ring" without requiring extra effort. I don't see any really great youtube videos demonstrating it, but here's one that might be good enough to get the idea: twang video

A high degree of twang sounds like Lois from Family Guy; a twangless voice sounds like a jazz DJ on late night radio. It's possible you just have a very untwangy voice, in which case with some practice maybe you could make yourself more audible by just upping your twang a little bit when you want to be heard.
posted by xris at 4:06 PM on March 4, 2015

Is it only certain people, most likely middle aged and older, who have trouble understanding you? Because if so, you can speak in a more comfortable voice when they're not around.

(When I can't hear somebody, they're talking too quietly. However, when someone can't hear me, well then naturally their hearing must be the problem.)
posted by serena15221 at 9:34 PM on March 4, 2015

Sounding loud to yourself when you sound quiet to others is a symptom of patulous eustachian tube. Do you hear yourself breathing loudly as well? Nthing a hearing test.
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 6:41 AM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]