How many ways can we say, "Thank you!"
March 3, 2015 10:19 AM Subscribe
My sister just saved our Hawaii vacation. How should we thank her?
My wife and I are taking our first kid-free vacation in about 8 years; we're going to Hawaii for a week. My mother-in-law was going to come in from out-of-town to watch our kids, but had to cancel after her mother had a heart attack last week. (Great grandma is now back in the nursing home on palliative care; she has Alzheimer's so these are kind of the last steps in a long goodbye.)
My sister has been awesome. On less than a week's notice, she rearranged her work schedule to telework for an entire week, and we bought her a last-minute cross-country plane ticket.
This is a really big undertaking for my sister. We'll be gone a full week. Besides watching the kids and keeping them from going feral while we're gone, she's been wonderfully supportive of some issues one of our kids is going through (and which other family members have had trouble dealing with). We have four kids and four cats in the house, and she's allergic to cats.
How can I express our thanks and gratitude for saving our vacation?
Is there anything noteworthy in Hawaii we could look to pick up? Or something else we should consider? (My sister is in her early 30's, single, and with no plans to have kids of her own.)
My wife and I are taking our first kid-free vacation in about 8 years; we're going to Hawaii for a week. My mother-in-law was going to come in from out-of-town to watch our kids, but had to cancel after her mother had a heart attack last week. (Great grandma is now back in the nursing home on palliative care; she has Alzheimer's so these are kind of the last steps in a long goodbye.)
My sister has been awesome. On less than a week's notice, she rearranged her work schedule to telework for an entire week, and we bought her a last-minute cross-country plane ticket.
This is a really big undertaking for my sister. We'll be gone a full week. Besides watching the kids and keeping them from going feral while we're gone, she's been wonderfully supportive of some issues one of our kids is going through (and which other family members have had trouble dealing with). We have four kids and four cats in the house, and she's allergic to cats.
How can I express our thanks and gratitude for saving our vacation?
Is there anything noteworthy in Hawaii we could look to pick up? Or something else we should consider? (My sister is in her early 30's, single, and with no plans to have kids of her own.)
I would come up with a budget for a gift, let her know you want to spend $X on her, and let her decide what would be best.
posted by ocherdraco at 10:22 AM on March 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by ocherdraco at 10:22 AM on March 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
Can you board the cats while she's there?
posted by cooker girl at 10:27 AM on March 3, 2015 [64 favorites]
posted by cooker girl at 10:27 AM on March 3, 2015 [64 favorites]
Yes, definitely try to have the cats boarded. In addition, maybe deep clean the house before she comes or have a cleaning service come in so any hair etc in the house won't trigger her allergies.
posted by Lay Off The Books at 10:31 AM on March 3, 2015 [21 favorites]
posted by Lay Off The Books at 10:31 AM on March 3, 2015 [21 favorites]
When I flew out to take care of my sister's baby for a month, initially the expectation was that I would not be compensated in any way. I was fine with that. I wasn't going for money. But, the last week I was there, Tuesday Morning opened. I didn't have a store like that where I lived. They were carrying a discontinued color (teal -- it was lovely) of my dream cookware (Chantal, if you want to know). I figured I would need to be much older and more moneyed before I would ever get any of it, but here it was, on sale for 75-80% off.
She bought me a few pieces and I bought me a few pieces. I think I also got some fantastic sheets at steep discount. All told, I walked away with about $1200 worth of goodies for a lot less money than that. With two kids young enough to need daycare, had I worked all year while paying daycare, etc, I probably would not have benefited as much in real terms.
Is there anything your sister really, really wants that you could somehow arrange? A "thank you" for something like this is best if it is personal and not just throwing money at it. (I am not suggesting you are doing that.) Tripping across my dream cookware and sending me home with a suitcase full of it was one of the highlights of my life. It raised the standard on my cooking immediately. I am not a huge fan of cooking, but using good cookware is a pleasure compared to using the cheap stuff.
The point being, all these years later (that baby is now in college), I can still wax eloquent for many paragraphs about that gift because it was something special to me personally. It was something I wanted and thought was completely out of my reach for the foreseeable future and it was also something that raised my standard of living for many years thereafter, for not all that much money. (I think my sister spent about $125 or so on me and I bought the rest of the stuff.)
posted by Michele in California at 10:32 AM on March 3, 2015 [10 favorites]
She bought me a few pieces and I bought me a few pieces. I think I also got some fantastic sheets at steep discount. All told, I walked away with about $1200 worth of goodies for a lot less money than that. With two kids young enough to need daycare, had I worked all year while paying daycare, etc, I probably would not have benefited as much in real terms.
Is there anything your sister really, really wants that you could somehow arrange? A "thank you" for something like this is best if it is personal and not just throwing money at it. (I am not suggesting you are doing that.) Tripping across my dream cookware and sending me home with a suitcase full of it was one of the highlights of my life. It raised the standard on my cooking immediately. I am not a huge fan of cooking, but using good cookware is a pleasure compared to using the cheap stuff.
The point being, all these years later (that baby is now in college), I can still wax eloquent for many paragraphs about that gift because it was something special to me personally. It was something I wanted and thought was completely out of my reach for the foreseeable future and it was also something that raised my standard of living for many years thereafter, for not all that much money. (I think my sister spent about $125 or so on me and I bought the rest of the stuff.)
posted by Michele in California at 10:32 AM on March 3, 2015 [10 favorites]
Chocolate covered macadamia nuts and dried pineapple are both great small gifts. I love dried pineapple and the stuff from Hawaii blows Trader Joes out of the water. I also have a few lovely pieces of art from Hawaii that are unique and beautiful.
This is one of those times where you may just want to wait for some sort of favor you can repay her with. These sorts of huge family favors come up occasionally and it's hard to truly pay someone back with anything but the knowledge that you will be there for her in a similar way of she ever needs it. Definitely give her a nice gift, but don't worry too much about quid pro quo here since it's not really possible.
Not a gift, but since she is allergic to cats, at least you can buy some air purifiers, switch out your air filter, get your cats groomed, clean the hell out of your house, etc., to make it as bearable as possible. If you can board the cats that would be ideal.
posted by gatorae at 10:33 AM on March 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
This is one of those times where you may just want to wait for some sort of favor you can repay her with. These sorts of huge family favors come up occasionally and it's hard to truly pay someone back with anything but the knowledge that you will be there for her in a similar way of she ever needs it. Definitely give her a nice gift, but don't worry too much about quid pro quo here since it's not really possible.
Not a gift, but since she is allergic to cats, at least you can buy some air purifiers, switch out your air filter, get your cats groomed, clean the hell out of your house, etc., to make it as bearable as possible. If you can board the cats that would be ideal.
posted by gatorae at 10:33 AM on March 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
If you absolutely cannot board all of the cats, can you board a few of them? At the very least - hire a petsitter to come in once a day and take care of the litterboxes, feeding and grooming. Just completely remove "take care of cats" from her to-do list.
I'd also hire a cleaner to come at the beginning and end -- it will help minimize the dander at the beginning and not make her feel like she has to tidy or clean for your return.
Can you hire a babysitter to come a few nights in the evening, to help with dinner, baths and laundry? Going from 0 to 4 kids is a LOT to deal with all at once. Try to get her a bit of relief help and it'll prevent meltdowns on all fronts.
posted by barnone at 10:35 AM on March 3, 2015 [20 favorites]
I'd also hire a cleaner to come at the beginning and end -- it will help minimize the dander at the beginning and not make her feel like she has to tidy or clean for your return.
Can you hire a babysitter to come a few nights in the evening, to help with dinner, baths and laundry? Going from 0 to 4 kids is a LOT to deal with all at once. Try to get her a bit of relief help and it'll prevent meltdowns on all fronts.
posted by barnone at 10:35 AM on March 3, 2015 [20 favorites]
Not sure what your budget is, but if you can afford it, here are some suggestions..
Maybe make arrangements to have food delivered from a meal service during her week at your place. At the very least, make sure she isn't going out of pocket for food and activities for the kids. Could you also hire a maid service to clean the place before and after she leaves, so she doesn't have to worry about that?
It would be nice if she had something to look forward to when she goes home. Perhaps a gift certificate to a day spa - massage, mani/pedi, facial, the whole nine.
On top of all that, yes, bring her something from Hawaii .. ask her if there's anything she'd like. And yeah, nthing the idea of getting her a ticket to Hawaii, if that's possible for you.
posted by Gray Skies at 10:37 AM on March 3, 2015 [5 favorites]
Maybe make arrangements to have food delivered from a meal service during her week at your place. At the very least, make sure she isn't going out of pocket for food and activities for the kids. Could you also hire a maid service to clean the place before and after she leaves, so she doesn't have to worry about that?
It would be nice if she had something to look forward to when she goes home. Perhaps a gift certificate to a day spa - massage, mani/pedi, facial, the whole nine.
On top of all that, yes, bring her something from Hawaii .. ask her if there's anything she'd like. And yeah, nthing the idea of getting her a ticket to Hawaii, if that's possible for you.
posted by Gray Skies at 10:37 AM on March 3, 2015 [5 favorites]
From the cat-allergies perspective, maybe buy a few different kinds of allergy medicine and have them on hand for her in case she needs them.
posted by royalsong at 10:39 AM on March 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by royalsong at 10:39 AM on March 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
Pick her up some antihistamines or flonase. Buy a weeks worth of nice groceries. Plan easy prep meals for her and the kids in advance. Get a bunch of movie DVDs for the kids and her. Basically do all the prep work for her you can.
posted by srboisvert at 10:39 AM on March 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 10:39 AM on March 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
..and yes, please do board the cats. Cat allergies suck - not only for her, but for your kids too. They'll have a much better time with an auntie who is not irritable, sneezing and coughing up a storm.
Also, in addition to buying groceries or getting a meal service for the week, maybe just set aside a budget for ordering in and going out to dinner. The less work she has to do, the better.
posted by Gray Skies at 10:39 AM on March 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
Also, in addition to buying groceries or getting a meal service for the week, maybe just set aside a budget for ordering in and going out to dinner. The less work she has to do, the better.
posted by Gray Skies at 10:39 AM on March 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Also let her know that she doesn't have to be perfect. 3/4 kids and 50% of cats surviving should be a comfortable goal.
posted by srboisvert at 10:41 AM on March 3, 2015 [63 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 10:41 AM on March 3, 2015 [63 favorites]
I have been in your sister's position. I am single, mid thirties, no kids. I love my niece and nephews and have spend many weekends taking care of them so my sister and brother-in-law could vacation.
- I would definitely board the cats if you can.
- You can also make sure the fridge and pantry are well stocked (especially with her favorite foods).
- You can leave her enough cash to take the kids to a movie, order pizza, or other fun stuff.
- You should make sure she has phone numbers for neighbors and other friends that she can call if there is an emergency.
- If she doesn't know already, show her where you keep the backup important stuff like extra toilet paper (speaking from experience here).
- Maybe put some nice shower stuff like fancy body wash in the shower she'll be using.
Overall, just say thank you a million times and remember this forever, just in case she ever needs a big favor.
posted by elvissa at 10:43 AM on March 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
- I would definitely board the cats if you can.
- You can also make sure the fridge and pantry are well stocked (especially with her favorite foods).
- You can leave her enough cash to take the kids to a movie, order pizza, or other fun stuff.
- You should make sure she has phone numbers for neighbors and other friends that she can call if there is an emergency.
- If she doesn't know already, show her where you keep the backup important stuff like extra toilet paper (speaking from experience here).
- Maybe put some nice shower stuff like fancy body wash in the shower she'll be using.
Overall, just say thank you a million times and remember this forever, just in case she ever needs a big favor.
posted by elvissa at 10:43 AM on March 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
Definitely bring back some Hawaiian products. If she likes to cook, specialty salts are a must, especially the traditional pink clay salt. Buy a little wooden salt cellar to go with them. My partner goes to Hawaii without me, and he runs amok in the ABC store for cheap, cheerful stuff to bring everyone.
This totally depends on your sister's taste, but I really like some of the traditional Hawaiian jewelry such as gold bracelets. Everyone also seems to want something with black pearls, like a single black pearl on a necklace. I have tons of jewelry but one of the things in my frequent rotation is a mother of pearl turtle on a chain that probably cost my partner a hundred bucks or something. Keep your eye out and see if something screams your sister's name.
posted by BibiRose at 10:50 AM on March 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
This totally depends on your sister's taste, but I really like some of the traditional Hawaiian jewelry such as gold bracelets. Everyone also seems to want something with black pearls, like a single black pearl on a necklace. I have tons of jewelry but one of the things in my frequent rotation is a mother of pearl turtle on a chain that probably cost my partner a hundred bucks or something. Keep your eye out and see if something screams your sister's name.
posted by BibiRose at 10:50 AM on March 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
Stock the cupboard with wine.... as much wine as you can :)
Leave petty cash available so she can take the kids to the movies etc.
It sounds as if she lives across the country from you - could you just give her a big envelope of cash - or a pre-paid Credit Card as a thank you and urge her to spend it on herself when she gets back home?
Plan to have some flowers delivered to her house when she gets back?
ANY gesture of thanks is fantastic - but to a single 30 something, maybe money might be something she would appreciate? She can spend it however she sees fit.
posted by JenThePro at 10:54 AM on March 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
Leave petty cash available so she can take the kids to the movies etc.
It sounds as if she lives across the country from you - could you just give her a big envelope of cash - or a pre-paid Credit Card as a thank you and urge her to spend it on herself when she gets back home?
Plan to have some flowers delivered to her house when she gets back?
ANY gesture of thanks is fantastic - but to a single 30 something, maybe money might be something she would appreciate? She can spend it however she sees fit.
posted by JenThePro at 10:54 AM on March 3, 2015 [2 favorites]
Another good gift-- you can get pareos and sarongs all over the place, of course, but you see a different selection in Hawaii. I got my sister one that was actually a Tahitian import, from a store in Honolulu. Don't underestimate ABC for these; I have two from ABC that I pack for any trip to anyplace.
posted by BibiRose at 10:56 AM on March 3, 2015
posted by BibiRose at 10:56 AM on March 3, 2015
Board the cats for the love of all things holy! (Fellow cat allergic here. I'd end up in hospital with four cats.) Make sure her bed linen is untouched by cats or it could exacerbate a dangerous reaction.
It could be me but I'd buy her a great ukulele. I started learning as an adult and it's fun, satisfying and incredibly social. It's reasonably easy to learn enough chords in two or three lessons to play quite a few simple songs. There are ukele groups everywhere- in lots of pubs and church halls having a ball. She could watch YouTube for lessons or you could pay for a lesson or two if you're flush with funds. But it's wondeful and hilarious and VERY Hawaii. Get one (cheaper) each for your kids, too. Make it their Skype bonding thing. (Buy a digital tuner, you'll thank me. And they're cheap.)
The world of ukulele is so wide and diverse, there's musuc styles for everyone. My teacher is in the (Australian) famous Blue Mugs ukulele group and just tonight told us of fellow ukers who are called Bosko and Honey that turned their style to thrash metal. Check out "Tuck me in" for a laugh and every reason why a ukule is an instrument with surprisingly broad appeal. And it's small and light. Not like a guitar!
posted by taff at 11:20 AM on March 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
It could be me but I'd buy her a great ukulele. I started learning as an adult and it's fun, satisfying and incredibly social. It's reasonably easy to learn enough chords in two or three lessons to play quite a few simple songs. There are ukele groups everywhere- in lots of pubs and church halls having a ball. She could watch YouTube for lessons or you could pay for a lesson or two if you're flush with funds. But it's wondeful and hilarious and VERY Hawaii. Get one (cheaper) each for your kids, too. Make it their Skype bonding thing. (Buy a digital tuner, you'll thank me. And they're cheap.)
The world of ukulele is so wide and diverse, there's musuc styles for everyone. My teacher is in the (Australian) famous Blue Mugs ukulele group and just tonight told us of fellow ukers who are called Bosko and Honey that turned their style to thrash metal. Check out "Tuck me in" for a laugh and every reason why a ukule is an instrument with surprisingly broad appeal. And it's small and light. Not like a guitar!
posted by taff at 11:20 AM on March 3, 2015 [3 favorites]
"Mahalo!"
I'd definitely pick something unique up in Hawaii; some geneuine Hawaiian shirts, a tiki or just some kona coffee, depending on her tastes and how much space she has.
A nice way to return the favor might be to treat her to a getaway of some kind; get her a hotel room or some kind of weekend spa package.
posted by Gelatin at 11:21 AM on March 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'd definitely pick something unique up in Hawaii; some geneuine Hawaiian shirts, a tiki or just some kona coffee, depending on her tastes and how much space she has.
A nice way to return the favor might be to treat her to a getaway of some kind; get her a hotel room or some kind of weekend spa package.
posted by Gelatin at 11:21 AM on March 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
Hawaiian quilts are ridiculously gorgeous if she likes that sort of thing. What a cool sister you have.
posted by lois1950 at 12:08 PM on March 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by lois1950 at 12:08 PM on March 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
Definitely agree with folks above that boarding the cats and doing (or paying for) a deep clean of the house and especially wherever she will be sleeping is probably the best gift you can give her. It will make the week so much more pleasant if she's feeling physically well. Plus, if you can't enjoy the fun cuddles part of kitties, I think it makes the cleaning litter/wiping up cat vomit/etc. parts of cat care much less bearable.
Other than that, I think a spa gift certificate is a really nice gesture. This is one of those things that if handed a big bundle of cash, I would be hesitant to spend on, but that I would super super appreciate receiving and enjoying, especially after what will probably be a stressful week of travel and kid wrangling. (For reference, I am also in my 30s and without kids.) Of course, YMMV if you know she hates spas! ;)
Besides all of the above, I think the most important thing to do is writing her a really heartfelt thank you. Your sister is doing this because she loves you and the kids and wants to really support you all, not in exchange for a gift. While a nice gift is a great gesture, of course, I think the best thing to receive in these situations is a note letting the person know that they are really appreciated and that their actions really make a difference for you. (Even if they know it, it helps to get something nice in writing!)
posted by rainbowbrite at 12:09 PM on March 3, 2015
Other than that, I think a spa gift certificate is a really nice gesture. This is one of those things that if handed a big bundle of cash, I would be hesitant to spend on, but that I would super super appreciate receiving and enjoying, especially after what will probably be a stressful week of travel and kid wrangling. (For reference, I am also in my 30s and without kids.) Of course, YMMV if you know she hates spas! ;)
Besides all of the above, I think the most important thing to do is writing her a really heartfelt thank you. Your sister is doing this because she loves you and the kids and wants to really support you all, not in exchange for a gift. While a nice gift is a great gesture, of course, I think the best thing to receive in these situations is a note letting the person know that they are really appreciated and that their actions really make a difference for you. (Even if they know it, it helps to get something nice in writing!)
posted by rainbowbrite at 12:09 PM on March 3, 2015
if you're not able to board the cats, you could try allerpet, and a really good house cleaning. ( I haven't used that myself, just read about it, so I can't say for myself if it really works, so you may want to read up on it a bit)
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:40 PM on March 3, 2015
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:40 PM on March 3, 2015
There are these really cute, cheap flower earrings you can get from Wal Mart or a bunch of the touristy drug stores. I really like mine!
Also, if she is into tee shirts, the "protect kawaii" shirts are really cute. The Hello Kitty stores in HI also have the other Sanrio characters and really cute be to boxes.
The Ala Moana mall has a great tea store, and there are a few bath salt vendors on Maui that sell dragons blood and passionflower salts that are to die for.
Passionfruit jam, syrups, guava jam, syrups are great and there are some amazing honeys out there too.
Really nice muumuus are comfy as heck and gorgeous.
Coffee.
If you go to Wal Mart, a lot of this stuff will be way cheaper btw.
posted by spunweb at 12:51 PM on March 3, 2015
Also, if she is into tee shirts, the "protect kawaii" shirts are really cute. The Hello Kitty stores in HI also have the other Sanrio characters and really cute be to boxes.
The Ala Moana mall has a great tea store, and there are a few bath salt vendors on Maui that sell dragons blood and passionflower salts that are to die for.
Passionfruit jam, syrups, guava jam, syrups are great and there are some amazing honeys out there too.
Really nice muumuus are comfy as heck and gorgeous.
Coffee.
If you go to Wal Mart, a lot of this stuff will be way cheaper btw.
posted by spunweb at 12:51 PM on March 3, 2015
Definitely lots of explicit verbal thank-yous! Don't overdo it (tripping over yourself to say thanks every few minutes starts to feel uncomfortable), but also don't pass up an opportunity to say, "Hey, thanks, we really appreciate this huge favor! You are the best!" And all the suggestions about making sure the fridge and pantry are stocked, making sure she has all the information she needs, hiring a cleaner, and generally making things as convenient as possible for her are spot-on, too.
As for gifts, I nth the suggestion for a spa day. Or, depending on your budget, a spa weekend on the higher end or a deluxe mani-pedi on the lower end. If she's the sort who's not into spas or mani-pedis, a very generous gift certificate for her favorite restaurant. Basically the idea is to say, "You rock and deserve to be spoiled, treat yourself, on us!" It's a gift that doesn't make too many potentially-fraught assumptions about taste (I've always appreciated the thought behind gifts of kona coffee and macadamia nuts and black pearls from Hawaii, but none of them are to my taste and they tend to go into a regifting pile), and is unequivocally entirely for the recipient's benefit.
posted by rhiannonstone at 12:54 PM on March 3, 2015
As for gifts, I nth the suggestion for a spa day. Or, depending on your budget, a spa weekend on the higher end or a deluxe mani-pedi on the lower end. If she's the sort who's not into spas or mani-pedis, a very generous gift certificate for her favorite restaurant. Basically the idea is to say, "You rock and deserve to be spoiled, treat yourself, on us!" It's a gift that doesn't make too many potentially-fraught assumptions about taste (I've always appreciated the thought behind gifts of kona coffee and macadamia nuts and black pearls from Hawaii, but none of them are to my taste and they tend to go into a regifting pile), and is unequivocally entirely for the recipient's benefit.
posted by rhiannonstone at 12:54 PM on March 3, 2015
Stating a budget would be very helpful.
Absolutely board the cats. You'll feel sad and the kids will miss them, but I'd consider this non-negotiable.
Already you've got some great suggestions upthread (easy meals, even if that means cooking and freezing for a week; petty cash; etc.).
Others also mentioned a babysitter. Please do this, and talk with the babysitter in advance about the situation, including payment so you can tell your sister it's already handled, and that you'll settle up any differences immediately upon return.
Are your kids in school? Contact the school(s) to let them know that you'll be OOT (are there big projects coming up? You're a parent; you know the drill). Consider whether you're paying a babysitter--even if sister is there--to make sure homework gets done, etc.
By the same token, will Sister be expected to pack lunches each morning? Make that easy. This is NOT her normal life.
No matter how much you limit screen time for your kids normally, let the Aunt be the cool one that allows more. Give guidelines so she knows what she can do in this regard, but be extremely generous, considering she's keeping your kids safe and alive.
Also, make sure she's able to watch whatever she wants on Netflix, Hulu, etc. If that means upping your systems for a month, so be it.
That brings me to my last point. Since your sister is telecommuting, make sure you have a good connection. Really. If your current provider doesn't fit the bill, you can likely take a one-month "trial" for a better connection, then cancel as soon as you're back. IOW, give her the best possible internet connection and cancel the upgrade later.
Again, she's keeping your kids safe and alive. Give her some time out and a reeeeeally good internet connection; she's working for you but also working for her regular job. Don't mess with this.
Have a FANTASTIC trip. Sounds like you two need it after all this time!
posted by whoiam at 1:17 PM on March 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
Absolutely board the cats. You'll feel sad and the kids will miss them, but I'd consider this non-negotiable.
Already you've got some great suggestions upthread (easy meals, even if that means cooking and freezing for a week; petty cash; etc.).
Others also mentioned a babysitter. Please do this, and talk with the babysitter in advance about the situation, including payment so you can tell your sister it's already handled, and that you'll settle up any differences immediately upon return.
Are your kids in school? Contact the school(s) to let them know that you'll be OOT (are there big projects coming up? You're a parent; you know the drill). Consider whether you're paying a babysitter--even if sister is there--to make sure homework gets done, etc.
By the same token, will Sister be expected to pack lunches each morning? Make that easy. This is NOT her normal life.
No matter how much you limit screen time for your kids normally, let the Aunt be the cool one that allows more. Give guidelines so she knows what she can do in this regard, but be extremely generous, considering she's keeping your kids safe and alive.
Also, make sure she's able to watch whatever she wants on Netflix, Hulu, etc. If that means upping your systems for a month, so be it.
That brings me to my last point. Since your sister is telecommuting, make sure you have a good connection. Really. If your current provider doesn't fit the bill, you can likely take a one-month "trial" for a better connection, then cancel as soon as you're back. IOW, give her the best possible internet connection and cancel the upgrade later.
Again, she's keeping your kids safe and alive. Give her some time out and a reeeeeally good internet connection; she's working for you but also working for her regular job. Don't mess with this.
Have a FANTASTIC trip. Sounds like you two need it after all this time!
posted by whoiam at 1:17 PM on March 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
One thing that my brother and SIL did for me when I was watching their 3 + 1 dog (with my amazing boyfriend's help) was have friends willing to pick up and drop off kids from after school stuff most of the week so that I could work a more normal work day. So if you can set up play dates and other after school stuff, that'd be awesome.
Also key: telling me we could order pizza whenever, ignore usual rules about screentime, and just basically aim for "easy" rather than "perfect". Telling the kids to do everything they could to make it easy for me, so we had very few struggles about getting ready for school or what-have-you.
My gift was a generous gift card to a local expensive, delicious restaurant, because they know that's one of my favorite things. What are your sister's favorite things?
posted by ldthomps at 1:38 PM on March 3, 2015 [6 favorites]
Also key: telling me we could order pizza whenever, ignore usual rules about screentime, and just basically aim for "easy" rather than "perfect". Telling the kids to do everything they could to make it easy for me, so we had very few struggles about getting ready for school or what-have-you.
My gift was a generous gift card to a local expensive, delicious restaurant, because they know that's one of my favorite things. What are your sister's favorite things?
posted by ldthomps at 1:38 PM on March 3, 2015 [6 favorites]
As a cat-allergy sufferer, let me say that getting the cats out of the house for a week will not reduce her allergic response, and neither will any cleaning short of a crazy and extremely expensive professional process that you don't have time for. Cat dust is everywhere, and removing the cats eases the logistics of caring for your household but has very little effect on its allergen load.
Two things I would suggest: give her an allergy retreat and give her the ability to provide special stuff for the kids.
Allergy retreat/magical pleasure dome: If her allergies make her as miserable as mine do me, the effects will start about an hour after she walks into the house and sleeping will be misery. Build her a retreat. Give her a place that is allergen-free to relax and sleep. Borrow a large (big enough to stand in) clean tent, drape it in sheets and fairy lights and cool decorations, and put it somewhere that you really can sterilize top-to-bottom: outdoors would be best, maybe the garage if it's cat-free and has fresh cat-free air. Stock it with a stack of fresh towels that have been washed and dried recently (not sitting in a closet for a week gathering cat dander) and one of those fancy air beds that you've made up with inviting, warm, and recently washed sheets and blankets. Put in a lamp to read by and an extension cord so she can charge her phone/laptop. She'll have a place to keep her stuff where cat dust won't fall, and at night she can take a shower and then retreat to clean air. (I know this sounds a bit extreme, and I hate to play this card, but people without crazy cat allergies just don't understand how bad it can be and how danderphobia becomes a survival strategy.) You're taking care of her physical needs, she'll know you're being really thoughtful, and you can make it a sort of fun and funny gift to her (especially if you can fit a minibar in there and put some mints on the pillow.)
Guaranteed kid pleasers: Make it as easy as possible for her to provide special experiences. A movie night, a field trip, delivered food, new art supplies, stuff that you as a parent know is going to be a surefire hit. Maybe you were going to do something with them for a treat or give them a special experience--let your sister be the giver of those gifts. Now's not the time to hold back--let her spoil them a bit. It will be fun for her to play Santa Aunt, and she'll worry a bit less if she knows that they are definitely going to have a great time on at least these four or five occasions that you've armed her with. She may already have the kid-wrangling chops to succeed at this pretty daunting job she volunteered for, but it's a lot easier to guide a trip if you know that you're leading the group from one beautiful vista to another. It will also help her focus your kids on the positive things that are happening instead of what's missing from their home while you are gone.
So you can give her two thank you gifts before you get back home: a clean-air pleasure dome and a guaranteed fun kit for your kids.
posted by ssr_of_V at 2:21 PM on March 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
Two things I would suggest: give her an allergy retreat and give her the ability to provide special stuff for the kids.
Allergy retreat/magical pleasure dome: If her allergies make her as miserable as mine do me, the effects will start about an hour after she walks into the house and sleeping will be misery. Build her a retreat. Give her a place that is allergen-free to relax and sleep. Borrow a large (big enough to stand in) clean tent, drape it in sheets and fairy lights and cool decorations, and put it somewhere that you really can sterilize top-to-bottom: outdoors would be best, maybe the garage if it's cat-free and has fresh cat-free air. Stock it with a stack of fresh towels that have been washed and dried recently (not sitting in a closet for a week gathering cat dander) and one of those fancy air beds that you've made up with inviting, warm, and recently washed sheets and blankets. Put in a lamp to read by and an extension cord so she can charge her phone/laptop. She'll have a place to keep her stuff where cat dust won't fall, and at night she can take a shower and then retreat to clean air. (I know this sounds a bit extreme, and I hate to play this card, but people without crazy cat allergies just don't understand how bad it can be and how danderphobia becomes a survival strategy.) You're taking care of her physical needs, she'll know you're being really thoughtful, and you can make it a sort of fun and funny gift to her (especially if you can fit a minibar in there and put some mints on the pillow.)
Guaranteed kid pleasers: Make it as easy as possible for her to provide special experiences. A movie night, a field trip, delivered food, new art supplies, stuff that you as a parent know is going to be a surefire hit. Maybe you were going to do something with them for a treat or give them a special experience--let your sister be the giver of those gifts. Now's not the time to hold back--let her spoil them a bit. It will be fun for her to play Santa Aunt, and she'll worry a bit less if she knows that they are definitely going to have a great time on at least these four or five occasions that you've armed her with. She may already have the kid-wrangling chops to succeed at this pretty daunting job she volunteered for, but it's a lot easier to guide a trip if you know that you're leading the group from one beautiful vista to another. It will also help her focus your kids on the positive things that are happening instead of what's missing from their home while you are gone.
So you can give her two thank you gifts before you get back home: a clean-air pleasure dome and a guaranteed fun kit for your kids.
posted by ssr_of_V at 2:21 PM on March 3, 2015 [7 favorites]
Response by poster: Mahalo, everyone.
Also let her know that she doesn't have to be perfect. 3/4 kids and 50% of cats surviving should be a comfortable goal.
posted by srboisvert at 1:41 PM on March 3
Just gotta say, this line totally made our day. I think my wife and I repeated it to each other nearly every time after we called home to check in on things.
We've yet to debrief the kids, but all seems well. My sister not only survived the cats, she also survived the kids having two snow days and the downstairs furnace and water heater stopping because of frozen pipes. (Fixed with a neighbor's help.)
Things we wound up getting for her:
Small bag of Kona coffee
Bunch of flower hair clips (which she specifically requested)
Coral pendant (with a matching one for me)
And I'm gonna offer to book her on a flight of her choice to Hawaii (or elsewhere) using my miles.
posted by QuantumMeruit at 12:31 PM on March 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
Also let her know that she doesn't have to be perfect. 3/4 kids and 50% of cats surviving should be a comfortable goal.
posted by srboisvert at 1:41 PM on March 3
Just gotta say, this line totally made our day. I think my wife and I repeated it to each other nearly every time after we called home to check in on things.
We've yet to debrief the kids, but all seems well. My sister not only survived the cats, she also survived the kids having two snow days and the downstairs furnace and water heater stopping because of frozen pipes. (Fixed with a neighbor's help.)
Things we wound up getting for her:
Small bag of Kona coffee
Bunch of flower hair clips (which she specifically requested)
Coral pendant (with a matching one for me)
And I'm gonna offer to book her on a flight of her choice to Hawaii (or elsewhere) using my miles.
posted by QuantumMeruit at 12:31 PM on March 13, 2015 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by wile e at 10:22 AM on March 3, 2015 [22 favorites]