Alarm clock anxiety
January 21, 2015 11:22 AM Subscribe
I often have trouble falling asleep because I'm anxious my alarm won't go off in the morning. Help, please?
I'm generally not a great sleeper (sometimes it takes me ages to fall asleep, I often wake up at night or before my alarm goes off etc.), but this alarm clock anxiety is my biggest problem.
I am generally very punctual and the last time I overslept, it was only ten minutes to my next alarm. I set two to three alarms within a couple of minutes of each other in case I miss one. My old phone, which I used for those alarms, sometimes cut it short after about five seconds, so that I didn't wake up until the second alarm ten minutes later.
How can I keep this anxiety from letting me go to sleep? Setting multiple alarm clocks isn't a very good option because I'm not living/sleeping alone.
I'm generally not a great sleeper (sometimes it takes me ages to fall asleep, I often wake up at night or before my alarm goes off etc.), but this alarm clock anxiety is my biggest problem.
I am generally very punctual and the last time I overslept, it was only ten minutes to my next alarm. I set two to three alarms within a couple of minutes of each other in case I miss one. My old phone, which I used for those alarms, sometimes cut it short after about five seconds, so that I didn't wake up until the second alarm ten minutes later.
How can I keep this anxiety from letting me go to sleep? Setting multiple alarm clocks isn't a very good option because I'm not living/sleeping alone.
I do the same thing in that I set multiple alarms, but I make the back-up alarms only a minute later than the first. That way I wake up with the first alarm and turn off the others (so as not to annoy my co-sleeper), and am able to get to sleep confident that one of them will wake me up on time.
I also find taking melatonin helpful in resetting my sleep patterns so that I usually fall asleep soon after going to bed. Once it's worked for awhile I usually find I can do without it for a long time before anxiety causes me to need it to sleep at night again.
Lastly, I find that mindfulness and body scan meditations have also been a good practice for helping me learn how to empty my mind for sleep instead of letting my anxious thoughts keep me up.
posted by ldthomps at 11:35 AM on January 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
I also find taking melatonin helpful in resetting my sleep patterns so that I usually fall asleep soon after going to bed. Once it's worked for awhile I usually find I can do without it for a long time before anxiety causes me to need it to sleep at night again.
Lastly, I find that mindfulness and body scan meditations have also been a good practice for helping me learn how to empty my mind for sleep instead of letting my anxious thoughts keep me up.
posted by ldthomps at 11:35 AM on January 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
You might examine why you are so afraid of missing your alarm. So, let's say all the power goes out in just your place and the batteries are dead on all the phones. There are no alarms, and you wake up an hour late. What are you afraid the consequences are going to be? How realistic are those fears, especially in light of the fact that you are generally punctual most of the time? Maybe you can discuss those feared consequences with someone who can give you an objective opinion (like a therapist).
This book is great, too: Quiet Your Mind and Get to Sleep
posted by zennie at 11:39 AM on January 21, 2015 [3 favorites]
This book is great, too: Quiet Your Mind and Get to Sleep
posted by zennie at 11:39 AM on January 21, 2015 [3 favorites]
Best answer: You could try an alarm clock that jumps and runs away from you (Clocky or Tocky), but I've had a lot of luck with a vibrating alarm because it scares the holy hell out of me every time it goes off.
I just use my built-in phone alarm clock set to maximum vibrate and keep it under my pillow, but here's a hugely popular standalone vibrating alarm clock on Amazon: Sonic Bomb Extra-Loud Plus 12V Bed-Shaker Vibrating Alarm Clock. And here's a pocket-sized one: ShakeAwake.
A brief yoga nidra practice is fantastic at getting rid of the pre-sleep oh-my-god-what-if jitters, if melatonin or diphenhydramine don't do the trick.
posted by divined by radio at 11:39 AM on January 21, 2015 [5 favorites]
I just use my built-in phone alarm clock set to maximum vibrate and keep it under my pillow, but here's a hugely popular standalone vibrating alarm clock on Amazon: Sonic Bomb Extra-Loud Plus 12V Bed-Shaker Vibrating Alarm Clock. And here's a pocket-sized one: ShakeAwake.
A brief yoga nidra practice is fantastic at getting rid of the pre-sleep oh-my-god-what-if jitters, if melatonin or diphenhydramine don't do the trick.
posted by divined by radio at 11:39 AM on January 21, 2015 [5 favorites]
When I'm that concerned, not only do I set multiple staggered alarms but I'll do so on multiple devices - say, my phone and my tablet, or an online alarm on my laptop, or even a battery-powered clock. That way I'm covered both in case I sleep through an alarm, and in case one or the other alarm devices fails for whatever reason.
posted by DingoMutt at 11:51 AM on January 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by DingoMutt at 11:51 AM on January 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
Some questions to explore:
Are you a heavy sleeper when you do fall asleep? There are people who are anxious about sleeping through their alarms because they are such heavy sleepers that they can sleep through an alarm, or they can wake up, turn off the alarm and go right back to sleep. If this is you, a Clocky or an alarm on the other side of the room might help - if you have to get out of bed to turn off your alarm, you are less likely to sleep through it or go back to sleep after you turn it off. And if you aren't getting the amount of sleep you need - or your sleep is not refreshing - you might be sleeping extra deeply to make up for it; be sure you are getting enough sleep and that it is refreshing - if it isn't, you might consider a sleep test.
Do you have a supervisor who shows no mercy to anyone who is the slightest bit late, even once? You say you only overslept once - that's hardly the kind of flaky employee who gets in trouble for being late all the time. But some people work at the kind of place, or have the kind of boss, where one has to toe the line 100% of the time or suffer the consequences (such as in call centers where employees are so easy to replace and treated like disobedient children). This is anxiety-producing. I hope this isn't your situation.
I've actually trained myself to wake up "on time" by being consistent - I don't sleep in on the weekends - and using melatonin to set my internal clock. This takes some time to do, but I think it's worth it. I found that if I trained myself to wake up at 5 AM with an alarm at first, I'd eventually just wake up at 5 anyway (it helps to have hungry cats). It's very hard to do this if you have a habit of sleeping in on weekends, or if you have a sleep debt. Most people need 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night - if you consistently find it hard to wake up, you could be getting less sleep than you need.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 11:56 AM on January 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
Are you a heavy sleeper when you do fall asleep? There are people who are anxious about sleeping through their alarms because they are such heavy sleepers that they can sleep through an alarm, or they can wake up, turn off the alarm and go right back to sleep. If this is you, a Clocky or an alarm on the other side of the room might help - if you have to get out of bed to turn off your alarm, you are less likely to sleep through it or go back to sleep after you turn it off. And if you aren't getting the amount of sleep you need - or your sleep is not refreshing - you might be sleeping extra deeply to make up for it; be sure you are getting enough sleep and that it is refreshing - if it isn't, you might consider a sleep test.
Do you have a supervisor who shows no mercy to anyone who is the slightest bit late, even once? You say you only overslept once - that's hardly the kind of flaky employee who gets in trouble for being late all the time. But some people work at the kind of place, or have the kind of boss, where one has to toe the line 100% of the time or suffer the consequences (such as in call centers where employees are so easy to replace and treated like disobedient children). This is anxiety-producing. I hope this isn't your situation.
I've actually trained myself to wake up "on time" by being consistent - I don't sleep in on the weekends - and using melatonin to set my internal clock. This takes some time to do, but I think it's worth it. I found that if I trained myself to wake up at 5 AM with an alarm at first, I'd eventually just wake up at 5 anyway (it helps to have hungry cats). It's very hard to do this if you have a habit of sleeping in on weekends, or if you have a sleep debt. Most people need 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night - if you consistently find it hard to wake up, you could be getting less sleep than you need.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 11:56 AM on January 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
Setting multiple alarm clocks isn't a very good option because I'm not living/sleeping alone.
Yes it is. Set your phone alarm for 7 am, with a backup at 7:07 am. Set a physical alarm clock for 7:10 and then turn it off when you get up, before it goes off and presumably before 7:10.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:58 AM on January 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
Yes it is. Set your phone alarm for 7 am, with a backup at 7:07 am. Set a physical alarm clock for 7:10 and then turn it off when you get up, before it goes off and presumably before 7:10.
posted by DarlingBri at 11:58 AM on January 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
Seconding Clocky. I love that annoying yet effective bastard.
posted by Kitteh at 12:03 PM on January 21, 2015
posted by Kitteh at 12:03 PM on January 21, 2015
Best answer: I know exactly what you mean, though my anxiety is around other things (stressing out that my spouse might not remember to finish the laundry or take the dog out before bed). I finally got in under control (mostly!) by doing some soothing self-talk and just trust and let it go, because these things were keeping me awake at night because they just felt like SUCH BIG IMPORTANT THINGS until I reframed them in terms of realistic, mundane outcomes that were totally not a big deal. (As in, what's the worst thing that happens if my husband forgets to put the wet clothes in the dryer? either just put them in the dryer when it's discovered, or at very worst run the washer again. what's the worst thing that happens if he forget to take the dog out before coming to bed? the dog will have to pee really bad in the morning, or maybe pee on the floor, but cleaning it up is not a huge deal).
So in your case, tell yourself something like:
99% of the time, oversleeping is not a big deal, and 99+% of the time, your alarm is going to work to wake you up as it should, so the probability that you're actually going to oversleep on a day that it actually matters is really vanishingly small. Tomorrow is not a plane trip or a job interview, so even if the alarm doesn't work, it's not a disaster. What's the worst thing that can happen? I wake up late, call work and let them know I am going to be late, life goes on.
Seriously, self talk. Soothe yourself through it by realizing that your alarm is extremely likely to actually wake you up, and if it doesn't things will still be OK. Because at the root, this is not a problem with a technological solution.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 12:03 PM on January 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
So in your case, tell yourself something like:
99% of the time, oversleeping is not a big deal, and 99+% of the time, your alarm is going to work to wake you up as it should, so the probability that you're actually going to oversleep on a day that it actually matters is really vanishingly small. Tomorrow is not a plane trip or a job interview, so even if the alarm doesn't work, it's not a disaster. What's the worst thing that can happen? I wake up late, call work and let them know I am going to be late, life goes on.
Seriously, self talk. Soothe yourself through it by realizing that your alarm is extremely likely to actually wake you up, and if it doesn't things will still be OK. Because at the root, this is not a problem with a technological solution.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 12:03 PM on January 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: I'm not a heavy sleeper at all usually and actually really easy to wake up. (My boyfriend, on the other hand, snoozes through five alarms, which annoys me to no end.) I also DO set several alarms - right now for 7 and 7.01 on my iPhone and for a minute later on my old phone. Still...
I guess I do tend to worry in other areas as well, and I also guess it wouldn't be the end of the world if I overslept once - although if I woke up at, say, 9 instead of 6 and then had to commute to work for two hours, I'd arrive at almost noon, which is more than just a little late. If it happens once, I'm sure it will be forgiven, though...
posted by LoonyLovegood at 12:11 PM on January 21, 2015
I guess I do tend to worry in other areas as well, and I also guess it wouldn't be the end of the world if I overslept once - although if I woke up at, say, 9 instead of 6 and then had to commute to work for two hours, I'd arrive at almost noon, which is more than just a little late. If it happens once, I'm sure it will be forgiven, though...
posted by LoonyLovegood at 12:11 PM on January 21, 2015
I use my phone alarm and a Phillips dawn-simulating alarm clock, but I can't entirely trust them (phone speaker gets muffled by blanket, I put the phone too far away, I got used to the beep, I turn away from the light, etc). Since I added an old-school Sony radio alarm clock set to a talk radio station on the loudest setting, I've gotten up every time. Hearing human voices seems to make a difference, for me at least - the variations in tones, the content of the speech, etc. are hard to ignore.
For evening stress, I've found 200 mgs of L-Theanine before bed (recommended here, I wish I could remember by whom) really helps.
posted by cotton dress sock at 12:18 PM on January 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
For evening stress, I've found 200 mgs of L-Theanine before bed (recommended here, I wish I could remember by whom) really helps.
posted by cotton dress sock at 12:18 PM on January 21, 2015 [1 favorite]
I use my phone + a really loud alarm clock on the other side of the room. If I get up before the loud alarm, I turn it off before it rings.
I understand your worry about this. My phone turned itself off once overnight, so I don't trust it as my sole alarm anymore.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 12:30 PM on January 21, 2015
I understand your worry about this. My phone turned itself off once overnight, so I don't trust it as my sole alarm anymore.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 12:30 PM on January 21, 2015
Best answer: I think actually you might want to address the bigger thing - the anxiety. Not to say that waking up on time is not a good thing to be concerned about, but you seem more preoccupied with this than the average person (and I say that as someone with anxiety). Also having trouble sleeping can be a symptom of anxiety. It might help you to work on managing your anxiety in general.
Many many Mefites recommend mindfulness meditation, which really helps me relax. Also therapy, specifically cognitive behavioral therapy, is very helpful for anxiety.
I like the suggestion to reframe it like zennie and rabbitrabbit mentioned. It can be helpful to play the "and then what" game to confront your anxieties, because at the end you'll realize that the worst case scenario isn't all that bad!
Everyone has given great suggestions above about multiple alarms, etc., but I am not sure that they will alleviate your anxiety. Anxiety is not rational.
posted by radioamy at 5:37 PM on January 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
Many many Mefites recommend mindfulness meditation, which really helps me relax. Also therapy, specifically cognitive behavioral therapy, is very helpful for anxiety.
I like the suggestion to reframe it like zennie and rabbitrabbit mentioned. It can be helpful to play the "and then what" game to confront your anxieties, because at the end you'll realize that the worst case scenario isn't all that bad!
Everyone has given great suggestions above about multiple alarms, etc., but I am not sure that they will alleviate your anxiety. Anxiety is not rational.
posted by radioamy at 5:37 PM on January 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
The Sonic Alert clock works for me, I put the vibrating unit under my pillow and keep the alarm on silent so it won't disturb my husband sleeping next to me. But when alone I turn the alarm on and the vibrating unit too.
posted by just asking at 5:40 PM on January 21, 2015
posted by just asking at 5:40 PM on January 21, 2015
Your problem isn't how to set alarms, it's how to stop worrying so much. Rabbitrabbit has the right idea, but you need to do more than just eliminate your worry about waking up on time. Because you might be able to soothe that worry, just to have another one crop up. You need to figure out why you need to worry about this stuff and not look for piecemeal solutions.
On preview, I'm basically seconding what radioamy says.
posted by Joleta at 9:40 PM on January 21, 2015
On preview, I'm basically seconding what radioamy says.
posted by Joleta at 9:40 PM on January 21, 2015
Best answer: Ha, I almost asked this a few years ago. Here's what's worked for me.
My self talk around this issue is "I tried my best." It's still possible that the power will go out, my phone battery will die, and the alarm won't go off, or that I simply won't hear it or wake up, but I've taken all reasonable precautions -- going to bed on time (more or less), setting an alarm (or two or three), making sure my phone is plugged in, etc. So if I oversleep and miss a meeting... what else could I have done? I did what everyone else does. I did what's worked for me for thousands of days in the past. There's literally nothing else (within reason) that I could do to ensure I wake up. So if by some weird chance, tomorrow is the day I oversleep, well, that's life and I'll deal with it then. Sometimes someone rear-ends your car; sometimes you get food poisoning and have to call in sick; and sometimes you manage to dump the comforter onto the alarm in a way that muffles the alarm.
Another good one is: the best thing I can do now to help myself wake up on time is to fall asleep. If I get rest now, I will (more likely) wake up. If I stay up worrying, it will make it harder to wake up. Normally, falling asleep feels like letting go, like losing control. Telling myself that I should go to sleep so that I can wake up helps me feel more like going to sleep is a passage I'm responsibly choosing to undergo, not an irresponsible letting down of my guard.
posted by salvia at 12:56 AM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
My self talk around this issue is "I tried my best." It's still possible that the power will go out, my phone battery will die, and the alarm won't go off, or that I simply won't hear it or wake up, but I've taken all reasonable precautions -- going to bed on time (more or less), setting an alarm (or two or three), making sure my phone is plugged in, etc. So if I oversleep and miss a meeting... what else could I have done? I did what everyone else does. I did what's worked for me for thousands of days in the past. There's literally nothing else (within reason) that I could do to ensure I wake up. So if by some weird chance, tomorrow is the day I oversleep, well, that's life and I'll deal with it then. Sometimes someone rear-ends your car; sometimes you get food poisoning and have to call in sick; and sometimes you manage to dump the comforter onto the alarm in a way that muffles the alarm.
Another good one is: the best thing I can do now to help myself wake up on time is to fall asleep. If I get rest now, I will (more likely) wake up. If I stay up worrying, it will make it harder to wake up. Normally, falling asleep feels like letting go, like losing control. Telling myself that I should go to sleep so that I can wake up helps me feel more like going to sleep is a passage I'm responsibly choosing to undergo, not an irresponsible letting down of my guard.
posted by salvia at 12:56 AM on January 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
I normally use my phone as an alarm. When I have to get up early for a flight, I like to use my actual alarm clock. There's something reassuring about using a device that is meant to do precisely what I am asking it to do, rather than a device that does a million different things.
Also, away from the alarm clock issue, if you don't already, put focus on regularizing your schedule -- go to bed at the same time every night, get up at the same time every day, even on weekends. Your body will grow accustomed to the schedule, and you may find you start waking up before your alarm clocks go off, which is also reassuring.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:02 AM on January 23, 2015
Also, away from the alarm clock issue, if you don't already, put focus on regularizing your schedule -- go to bed at the same time every night, get up at the same time every day, even on weekends. Your body will grow accustomed to the schedule, and you may find you start waking up before your alarm clocks go off, which is also reassuring.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:02 AM on January 23, 2015
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