How should I reward myself?
January 10, 2015 11:10 AM Subscribe
I work a late shift at my job, which usually gets me home around midnight or later and in bed by 3 a.m. or later after I manage to relax. What's an alternative to pouring a drink and sitting by myself?
I have a very high-pressure job, and I'm surrounded by chaos all day — everyone's landline and cell phones ringing, multiple police scanners at full volume, coworkers yelling across the room to each other over all the noise.
It's only on days when I'm not working that I get to enjoy a dinner with my partner, which, if we're in the mood, includes opening a bottle of wine and having a glass or two while we cook and eat. I'd prefer to enjoy food while I drink, but eating so late after I come home from work is generally just as bad for me as pouring a good beer into a glass almost every night. I'll often do it anyway, though. I'll heat up leftovers or even pick up fast food on the way home just so I won't feel bad about drinking without any food in front of me.
My partner works different hours from mine, so I don't ever expect them to stay up and keep me company. Besides, after a typical workday, I really crave being by myself. Still, I want to be able to do something to reward myself for making it through another day without pulling a (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ at the office.
Anyway, I'm in my 40s and midnight has become beer:30 for me. Meanwhile, my partner is upstairs sleeping. What else could I do while kicking back on the couch and unwinding in front of the TV—which I definitely need to do for myself after a day on the job?
I have a very high-pressure job, and I'm surrounded by chaos all day — everyone's landline and cell phones ringing, multiple police scanners at full volume, coworkers yelling across the room to each other over all the noise.
It's only on days when I'm not working that I get to enjoy a dinner with my partner, which, if we're in the mood, includes opening a bottle of wine and having a glass or two while we cook and eat. I'd prefer to enjoy food while I drink, but eating so late after I come home from work is generally just as bad for me as pouring a good beer into a glass almost every night. I'll often do it anyway, though. I'll heat up leftovers or even pick up fast food on the way home just so I won't feel bad about drinking without any food in front of me.
My partner works different hours from mine, so I don't ever expect them to stay up and keep me company. Besides, after a typical workday, I really crave being by myself. Still, I want to be able to do something to reward myself for making it through another day without pulling a (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ at the office.
Anyway, I'm in my 40s and midnight has become beer:30 for me. Meanwhile, my partner is upstairs sleeping. What else could I do while kicking back on the couch and unwinding in front of the TV—which I definitely need to do for myself after a day on the job?
Do you knit or crochet? I like to have something that isn't work, but which keeps my hands busy while I'm gradually unwinding, and small fiddly tasks are good for that.
Also, I don't see why you couldn't have an alternative beverage-- juice or club soda or chamomile tea. It's relaxing to have a treat and if it's not super sugary or caffeinated, you could pick pretty much anything. Or nibble on fruit or popcorn or something. There's nothing wrong with a healthy snack if it improves your relaxation.
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:17 AM on January 10, 2015
Also, I don't see why you couldn't have an alternative beverage-- juice or club soda or chamomile tea. It's relaxing to have a treat and if it's not super sugary or caffeinated, you could pick pretty much anything. Or nibble on fruit or popcorn or something. There's nothing wrong with a healthy snack if it improves your relaxation.
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:17 AM on January 10, 2015
You could also write a little good-morning note for your partner to find the next day, or put it with their lunch or by the bed. It sounds like you're a little lonely at the end of your shift and that might help alleviate it.
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:19 AM on January 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by blnkfrnk at 11:19 AM on January 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
Any quiet, calm activity I would think. Reading, doing some kind of craft thing (knitting, etc), working on a crossword or jigsaw puzzle, looking at metafilter, putting on headphones and listening to an album from beginning to end (remember that?), relaxing yoga, hot bubble bath. Get into fancy herbal tea and make fixing it a ritual (like making a cocktail, without the alcohol).
posted by greta simone at 11:23 AM on January 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by greta simone at 11:23 AM on January 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
I like seltzer with cranberry juice. You could also make decaf chai with sweetener and milk - it's very soothing and to me it feels like an "event."
Hot herbal tea (orange, raspberry, apple) with a stick of cinnamon can be satisfying too.
Sometimes I use ice cream. I'm not recommending it, but there it is.
posted by bunderful at 11:24 AM on January 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Hot herbal tea (orange, raspberry, apple) with a stick of cinnamon can be satisfying too.
Sometimes I use ice cream. I'm not recommending it, but there it is.
posted by bunderful at 11:24 AM on January 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Your question doesn't really explain a) Why it's a drink you go after when you go home b) Why you are looking for an alternative. Since you are anonymous and probably won't answer, I'll assume a) Drinking and getting a minor buzz relaxes you b) you want to stop drinking every night or treating alcohol as a reward. I'm also unclear if you are looking for suggestions of things to do or things to consume. Do you want me to suggest you start smoking a joint?
You won't get a buzz, but I do think a hot drink like some sort of tea with decaf is soothing before bedtime. Something about the warmth of it.
Personally, I like to lay down with a pair of good headphones on (the kind where you can hear every little ding and layer of the music) and listen to some good music. One thing I've started doing in the morning after I wake up that you could do before bed is: I pick a classic, important album and just listen to it. I like reading reviews and analysis of what made the album important or innovative. I have a list of albums I'm going to continue this with. Turn off the lights and enjoy music and get ready for sleepytime.
I'm curious about your schedule -- when you normally go to bed and when you have to wake up. I think you probably need to be unwinding and moving yourself toward sleep mode. Watching TV isn't necessary conducive to this as the light and sound and stimulation wakes you up. Alcohol, contrary to what people think, is the worst thing to have before bed -- it may make you sleepy, but your quality of sleep is absolute shit. If you're drinking right before bed, because of your schedule, then that's actually really bad.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:29 AM on January 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
You won't get a buzz, but I do think a hot drink like some sort of tea with decaf is soothing before bedtime. Something about the warmth of it.
Personally, I like to lay down with a pair of good headphones on (the kind where you can hear every little ding and layer of the music) and listen to some good music. One thing I've started doing in the morning after I wake up that you could do before bed is: I pick a classic, important album and just listen to it. I like reading reviews and analysis of what made the album important or innovative. I have a list of albums I'm going to continue this with. Turn off the lights and enjoy music and get ready for sleepytime.
I'm curious about your schedule -- when you normally go to bed and when you have to wake up. I think you probably need to be unwinding and moving yourself toward sleep mode. Watching TV isn't necessary conducive to this as the light and sound and stimulation wakes you up. Alcohol, contrary to what people think, is the worst thing to have before bed -- it may make you sleepy, but your quality of sleep is absolute shit. If you're drinking right before bed, because of your schedule, then that's actually really bad.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:29 AM on January 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
I think that getting a soda stream and having a supply of unusual mixins (bitters, juices, mint) has been a game changer for me on this same issue. I feel excited to make a special drink and pleased that I can chug as much as I want and will only feel healthier about it.
posted by samthemander at 11:37 AM on January 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by samthemander at 11:37 AM on January 10, 2015 [4 favorites]
if you're too tired to really read when you got home, how about a "treat" magazine - decorating, travel, celebrity stuff, home & garden? Accompany with the best quality non-alcohol, non-caffeinated hot drink you enjoy - cocoa or herb tea or whatever feels like an indulgence. (If you like celebrity stuff you can subscribe to plenty of guilty pleasure weeklies so there will always be something there.)
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:39 AM on January 10, 2015
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:39 AM on January 10, 2015
To me, that would be a perfect time to do some personal grooming. You certainly have enough body parts to do a decent rotation of things, and pampering yourself is a great way to de-stress. The benefit to doing this speaks for itself, and all the self care stuff is good for your spirit. Drinking is completely acceptable during beauty treatment time, as well.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 11:42 AM on January 10, 2015
posted by Grlnxtdr at 11:42 AM on January 10, 2015
When I worked a shift like that, a couple of episodes of Law and Order was enough to settle me down, but it sounds like you're carrying a lot of residual stress from the day.
Quote from a prof of mine: "Drinking to cope with stress is the fastest way into addiction (for people in midlife with no previous addictions)". I can understand needing something to shake it off, though, and to draw a bright line between your day and your downtime. Exercise can do that for a lot of people - would it be totally crazy to pass by a gym on your way home? Although it can disturb sleep in some people, it makes no difference for others, might be worth a try, followed by a long hot shower at home and then a silly show.
posted by cotton dress sock at 11:43 AM on January 10, 2015
Quote from a prof of mine: "Drinking to cope with stress is the fastest way into addiction (for people in midlife with no previous addictions)". I can understand needing something to shake it off, though, and to draw a bright line between your day and your downtime. Exercise can do that for a lot of people - would it be totally crazy to pass by a gym on your way home? Although it can disturb sleep in some people, it makes no difference for others, might be worth a try, followed by a long hot shower at home and then a silly show.
posted by cotton dress sock at 11:43 AM on January 10, 2015
now that I think of it, a thing I like to do if I'm up in the middle of the night is watch episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation while doing stretches on the floor. I rarely take time to stretch otherwise and it feels so good. ST:TNG is the right combination of nostalgia and engagement.
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:48 AM on January 10, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:48 AM on January 10, 2015 [7 favorites]
How about a puzzle or something else non-electronic, that's not too hard but where you can make some progress by spending an hour or so of mindless time on it? Jigsaw puzzle, crossword puzzle, something else similar? Lego kit? Coloring/art project? (It could end up being something you can talk about with your partner too - if they work on part of the jigsaw earlier in the evening you would see their progress, contribute your own, and then they'll see it the next day.)
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:13 PM on January 10, 2015
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:13 PM on January 10, 2015
Yeah, I was gonna say chocolate too; if the calories are a dietary concern, maybe some super-premium dark chocolate.
posted by XMLicious at 12:32 PM on January 10, 2015
posted by XMLicious at 12:32 PM on January 10, 2015
24-hour gym? These days seems as if there's one in every neighborhood.
posted by raisingsand at 12:58 PM on January 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by raisingsand at 12:58 PM on January 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm a huge fan of alcohol as well, and I find that tea is a really good substitute for days I don't want to drink. There are a lot of nice, caffeine-free teas you can buy that will still feel like a treat/reward, but with 0 calories/alcohol. Also soda water. Also, elderflower fizz.
Or maybe some blue cheese and quince once in a while? I know that's not the healthiest alternative, but maybe if you do it every now and again it wouldn't be so bad, and it's not alcohol.
I also love the idea of writing notes to your partner. There is something uniquely intimate about sharing thoughts through writing, even if you're not writing down the deepest thoughts. Or writing in a journal if you like to write.
You say you need to watch TV to unwind- do you like reading? A well-written, action-packed novel can be better than TV, and would consume all your senses so you may not feel the need to satisfy your "oral fixation", for lack of a better term.
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 1:09 PM on January 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
Or maybe some blue cheese and quince once in a while? I know that's not the healthiest alternative, but maybe if you do it every now and again it wouldn't be so bad, and it's not alcohol.
I also love the idea of writing notes to your partner. There is something uniquely intimate about sharing thoughts through writing, even if you're not writing down the deepest thoughts. Or writing in a journal if you like to write.
You say you need to watch TV to unwind- do you like reading? A well-written, action-packed novel can be better than TV, and would consume all your senses so you may not feel the need to satisfy your "oral fixation", for lack of a better term.
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 1:09 PM on January 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
I listen to audio books or podcasts while cooking, cleaning, or crocheting. It sounds responsible, but it's all about delightfully escapist books and the complete escape from thinking caused by simultaneously listening and puttering. Plus, I feel proud about my week-of-packed-lunches, clean kitchen, or new crochet hat.
Oh, on re-read, you're already watching TV. Have you considered getting a cat? :) Petting a cat is my favorite TV accompaniment. You could get a self-massage doohickey or one of those rice socks that heats up in the microwave?
posted by slidell at 1:14 PM on January 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Oh, on re-read, you're already watching TV. Have you considered getting a cat? :) Petting a cat is my favorite TV accompaniment. You could get a self-massage doohickey or one of those rice socks that heats up in the microwave?
posted by slidell at 1:14 PM on January 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
I used to work until 10pm every night and then stay up until 2am (with a partner who pulled a normal 8-5), so I feel you. I liked to listen to music through headphones while zoning out to mindless games on the computer (card games, usually, like Solitaire and Hearts), or read, or do jigsaw puzzles. I don't get much car time to listen to the radio so the music + games nights always felt very soothing, and still do when I do them on occasion.
posted by jabes at 1:25 PM on January 10, 2015
posted by jabes at 1:25 PM on January 10, 2015
That's prime time for a large hobby project that can be done incrementally a little at a time. Building a model? A self-paced online course? Learn the guitar or piano (electric with headphones)?
Working out, already mentioned, with a weight set at home meets that description, plus has physical relaxation benefits.
Cooking doesn't have to be consumed right away, you could work your way through all the recipes on JustBento, making a nice lunch for the next day, which is also building a skill.
posted by ctmf at 3:46 PM on January 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Working out, already mentioned, with a weight set at home meets that description, plus has physical relaxation benefits.
Cooking doesn't have to be consumed right away, you could work your way through all the recipes on JustBento, making a nice lunch for the next day, which is also building a skill.
posted by ctmf at 3:46 PM on January 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
I used to get off work at either 1:30 or 3:30, come home and take my dog for a walk. I live in a safe neighborhood and I have a big dog so use your judgement, but that time of night is a wonderful time to walk. When we were out after 3:30 we often saw coyotes, fox and raccoons and I live in the middle of Denver! It's also very quiet and in the winter when it's snowing it can be downright magical.
It's also an excellent time to meditate or do yoga.
Seconding the 24 hour gym thing, very few people there, no wait for the machines. The only problem I have with mine is they close the locker rooms and sauna, steam, jacuzzi down from 11-4 for cleaning.
posted by BoscosMom at 4:40 PM on January 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
It's also an excellent time to meditate or do yoga.
Seconding the 24 hour gym thing, very few people there, no wait for the machines. The only problem I have with mine is they close the locker rooms and sauna, steam, jacuzzi down from 11-4 for cleaning.
posted by BoscosMom at 4:40 PM on January 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
It's prosaic but some hot milk (scalded is best, or with a bit of vanilla) is very relaxing. It also helps prevent feeling hungry during the night. When I get home late, a cup of hot milk and reading a paper or magazine for ten minutes makes me ready for sleep. No TV or computer, though!
(Actually, a computer with the f.lux app is OK, because the color temperature is changed to avoid keeping you awake)
posted by anadem at 7:30 PM on January 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
(Actually, a computer with the f.lux app is OK, because the color temperature is changed to avoid keeping you awake)
posted by anadem at 7:30 PM on January 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
I like that feeling of having a glass of wine and feeling the muscles let go of some of the day's tensions. Perhaps get in the habit of having a small, tasty salad with your beer, or a vegetable side dish, so you get some nutritional benefit. Or maybe some popcorn.
posted by theora55 at 8:32 PM on January 10, 2015
posted by theora55 at 8:32 PM on January 10, 2015
Some yoga, or meditating can calm me down quickly where aerobic exercise gets me riled up/energized. Maybe some guided visualization/meditation if you like.
Also a few minutes of writing can help decompress from a hectic job. Write about the nuttiest thing that happened each day. You can get it out of your system (write what you wish you could have said to that goofy coworker/customer with all their drama etc) and when you close your journal or save the document if it's digital, mentally tell yourself goodbye to those people until tomorrow. Have a nice hot decaf beverage while you write.
One last thing I've found that really relaxes me is youtube videos of ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response) where the person talks softly, taps on things, crinkles bags, etc. Seems really goofy but somehow it chills me out. I often listen to one of the sleep ASMR videos and am fast asleep in 10 minutes. When DH & I were going through a hellish period this year, ASMR was the only thing that turned off my whirling mind & got me to sleep.
posted by RichardHenryYarbo at 1:11 PM on January 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Also a few minutes of writing can help decompress from a hectic job. Write about the nuttiest thing that happened each day. You can get it out of your system (write what you wish you could have said to that goofy coworker/customer with all their drama etc) and when you close your journal or save the document if it's digital, mentally tell yourself goodbye to those people until tomorrow. Have a nice hot decaf beverage while you write.
One last thing I've found that really relaxes me is youtube videos of ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response) where the person talks softly, taps on things, crinkles bags, etc. Seems really goofy but somehow it chills me out. I often listen to one of the sleep ASMR videos and am fast asleep in 10 minutes. When DH & I were going through a hellish period this year, ASMR was the only thing that turned off my whirling mind & got me to sleep.
posted by RichardHenryYarbo at 1:11 PM on January 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
I absolutely rely on seltzer when I know I need to replace my beer:30 urges late at night. It tricks me into feeling like I'm having a cocktail or something, and has become a very handy ritual (that I now use even when I don't have weird work pressures but would not like to wake up the I'll-have-another beast).
I tend to occasionally have very late nights followed by very early mornings during the work week, a product of working with other folks who are in other continents in both directions. When those continents work against me, and I have to both stay up until 2:30 and and then wake up at 5:30 am for a few days in a row, an icy glass of seltzer with lime or a dribble of bitters is just what the doctor ordered.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 3:03 PM on January 12, 2015
I tend to occasionally have very late nights followed by very early mornings during the work week, a product of working with other folks who are in other continents in both directions. When those continents work against me, and I have to both stay up until 2:30 and and then wake up at 5:30 am for a few days in a row, an icy glass of seltzer with lime or a dribble of bitters is just what the doctor ordered.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 3:03 PM on January 12, 2015
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Instead of TV, you could enjoy a nice book. It's quieter and may make you sleepy faster.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 11:17 AM on January 10, 2015 [3 favorites]