Second Cat ... could be a disaster, right?

December 24, 2014 10:08 AM

I wrote this question a while ago and now we are all settled in and getting ready to adopt a male kitten to join our established Cat. But - I've got more questions!

I know the "correct" ways to introduce cats to each other, so I think I'm covered there. But, basically, I've never had two cats before and I'm slightly panicking.

How do you feed two cats? Do you feed them at the same time in the same place, or do I need to feed them separately?

I'm also just super nervous about them getting along. Our current cat LOVES other cats and I think she'd really love a kitty buddy, but then I stop and wonder if that's just me projecting. Maybe bringing a new cat into the home would be a bad idea?

I know all the stuff about how many litter boxes I should have and things like that, so I guess my question is: Second Cat - do the pros outweigh the cons? And what traits should I specifically be looking for in the kitten we choose to join our family?

posted by JenThePro to Pets & Animals (16 answers total)

I had a cat for 1 year and noticed that he liked a social, active household so I decided to get him a pal. I went through some amount of agony about it, since I was certainly happy with 1 cat. Looking back, pros outweigh the cons. He has a buddy to play with while I'm at work or traveling and he really seems happier, though he still follows me around a lot. The 2nd cat has a different personality (very cuddly) which is a nice mix.

I would say a kitten is your best bet for adaptability (that's what I did) unless you're reasonably certain that an older cat is very friendly too. I was very worried that they wouldn't get along which is why I went the kitten route, and it worked out really well. They got along from day one. Just let them get to know each other on their own terms. In the end you can't control it, which is anxiety inducing, but you can set it up for the best outcome by a proper introduction and follow their lead. In my case they were playing through the bars of the carrier right away so I decided to go for it and let them interact right away and they were playing within minutes.

As for feeding, it depends. One cat is a food hog so I do have to feed them separately.

I think this kind of second-guessing is normal, but if your cat is friendly and likes other cats then you will do right by him to adopt another (plus you give a new cat a forever home too). You know your cat best.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 10:21 AM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]

We feed our little guys together. They have weird, cat rituals around switching bowls several times (same food) before settling in on what they have decided to do.

FWIW, it took our girl cat a LONG time to get used to boy cat. (After three weeks of hissing at him), but we believe it was worth it. Two years down the road, they are companions, friendly rivals, and often entertain each other so that we don't always have to.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:22 AM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]

And about what kitten to choose - for me personally I didn't think too much about this actually I just went with my gut. I went to 2 different places and when I saw the kitten I just said "him!" He was VERY energetic but most kittens are and their personality changes a lot as they mature from kitten to cat. As long as he's had some brothers and sisters to socialize him that should be enough. I went with my gut when I chose my first cat so I figure my gut will chose a similar cat a 2nd time so that is what I suggest to you, don't over think it. Play with him and if you feel a connection take him home.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 10:26 AM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]

I think the feeding situation is just something you have to monitor and adjust accordingly. My sister and I got sibling kittens when we were in grade school, and they would eat side-by-side from separate bowls for all of their 16 years. Later in life, I had two sibling kittens who would get along famously until feeding time(s), so I had to do separate feedings. Try not to react too quickly to "feeding wars," but I'm sure you'll get the gist of what feeding time needs to be like within 2-3 months.
posted by kuanes at 10:36 AM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]

My suggestion is to make sure you have plenty of toys on hand (new things, kept out of sight except for playtime), and set aside time to play with them both a lot, individually and together. This works as distraction and exercise, and it has both kitties thinking, wow, I did NOT have this much fun by myself... This new roommate is AWESOME!

I have never added a second cat to a first cat, but this has worked for me when adding a second horse and a second dog. :)

I have had many cats over the years, and all had lots of personality changes as they grew up. If I was choosing, I'd watch the kittens interact and pick one who seems lively, friendly, and playful with the other cats and kittens present.

Though I have gone to a foster home and had a cat attach herself to me. The foster mom said, so, this one has picked you... which other one do you want? ;) If you go in and some kitten is instantly attracted to you, that's probably the one... (This happened with second dog and second horse, for what it's worth).
posted by AllieTessKipp at 10:42 AM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]

We have two cats, one 13 years old and one 3 years old. The 13 year old is a grazer, but the 3 year old is a speedy eater fatty food stealer, so we have to watch the 13 year old eat and protect her food from the 3 year old. This really only causes "problems" when we travel and somebody stops in to feed the cats once/day. We usually put the 3 year old on an automatic feeder and have the person overfeed the 13 year old, so she gets enough food even if the 3 year old steals some. They tolerate each other but definitely do not like each other.

The 13 year old loves Mr. Meat to the point of grooming him, and the 3 year old LOVES our 3 year old dog, so there's that amusement. :-)
posted by Ms Vegetable at 10:47 AM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]

One possibility is to not go with a kitten, but instead go with a rescue organization that knows their cats and can tell you "This cat loves other cats and gets along well with every cat here." Kittens are a crap shoot in terms of personality, whereas adult cats have settled into their personality and are unlikely to change much.
posted by hydropsyche at 12:00 PM on December 24, 2014 [2 favorites]

I'm also just super nervous about them getting along. Our current cat LOVES other cats and I think she'd really love a kitty buddy, but then I stop and wonder if that's just me projecting.

It's very clear when one of your cats wants to have cat friends and when they don't, I don't think you're projecting.

Most people I know with multiple cats feed together unless there is an unusual health situation that needs monitoring.
posted by jeather at 12:04 PM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]

Some cats seem to regard kittens as weird, alien, disturbing little creatures; if you get a little kitten and your adult cat is freaked out by it, don't despair (as long as you are able to keep the kitten company during the day yourselves). The larger cat is likely to grow more accepting over time.

If you're going to get a kitten, maybe consider two? Then they will have each other for company even if the big cat wants nothing to do with them for a while. Get more mellow kittens so they don't overwhelm her, maybe, when they do get big.
posted by amtho at 12:27 PM on December 24, 2014

Best answer:

How do you feed two cats? Do you feed them at the same time in the same place, or do I need to feed them separately?

I feed all three cats in the same place. One method of acclimating cats to one another involves feeding them in front of one another (through a gate). Of course, if one cat isn't getting food, you could adjust this.

I'm also just super nervous about them getting along. Our current cat LOVES other cats and I think she'd really love a kitty buddy, but then I stop and wonder if that's just me projecting. Maybe bringing a new cat into the home would be a bad idea?

Most cats love having feline playmates. As nice as you are, you don't speak cat, you don't play like a cat, and you stubbornly refuse to lick your cat's head or sniff their bum. Sometimes it's nice to have someone who speaks your language.

With regards to picking out a kitten: it depends on your existing cat's personality. If they are laid-back, don't pick the most rambunctious kitten in the litter. If they are affectionate, don't choose the shy, aloof one. That being said... they're kittens! It's very hard to go wrong there. Their personalities are pretty malleable.

Oops, I forgot: don't be worried if there's hissing and spitting for a few weeks. Such is life. Eventually all will settle down.
posted by Nyx at 12:37 PM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]

I adopted a kitten (Jasper) 3 weeks ago and introduced him to my two 5-year-old female sister tuxedos (Cosgrove and Little Kiwi). Also, in the mid-90s, I adopted a 5-month-old male kitten (Boo) to be friends with my then-11-month-old female kitten (Atticus). The experiences could not have been more different.

Jasper is a friendly, outgoing kitten fostered with several other kittens and a few adult cats. The kittens were all lively and rowdy and played together well, and one of the adults was basically okay with the kittens, but one of the adults really didn't like the kittens. (The other two adult cats ignored the kittens) Jasper was accustomed to being around other felines, and was also perfectly okay with hissing. He would back off and try again later. I introduced him to my two girls who have always had each other and who were fostered until they were 8 months old with a wide variety of animals.

There was hissing at first, which is normal and I knew to expect it. Cosgrove decided that she liked Jasper within a few days. Jasper now kind of follows her around, sleeps where she sleeps, etc. Little Kiwi has warmed up slowly but steadily. Just last night we had a kind of break through, and she has generally stopped hissing at this point, three weeks on. Success! Happiness! Cat races at midnight! Little Kiwi and Cosgrove have always shared a food bowl and water bowl, so now we have two food bowls and two water bowls and cats choose who to eat with totally at random. Everyone eats nicely.

With Atticus and Boo, it was completely different. Boo was a tough little monster and he beat up Atticus from the day he arrived home. He learned that it was a bad thing to do so he then used it as a means to get attention. I fed them in separate bowls, around the corner from one another, because Boo would eat Atticus's food as soon as my back was turned. I would come home to find clumps of cat fur (Atticus-colored) in the foyer. All I could do was hope that having a "playmate" kept Atticus "entertained" and exercised.

Atticus had lived on the street for a few months and was always a little shy. Boo was used to playfighting with other kittens and he was a big, strong boy. I think that had some effect on the relationship between the two.

I was so worried in the couple of weeks before I adopted Jasper that it would somehow become a repeat of the Boo/Atticus relationship, but it has turned out to be just wonderful. I don't know if this is even helpful. I don't know if any of the factors described above had anything to do with it or whether this is all simply down to personalities. In a different situation, I would have tried a foster-to-adopt route and given it at least a month before I made a decision. If that's possible for you, go for it. If not, well, I still think you should go for it. Cats are territorial and kittens need boundaries and hissing and growling will occur, but mostly you can let them set their own limits (mostly). Also, you need to post pictures. :-)
posted by janey47 at 1:28 PM on December 24, 2014 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I just want to make sure you know - befriending may take time. Even after we let our cats mingle, it took my cat (8 year old male at the time) two weeks to get over his weird terror of my housemate's new female kitten. She liked HIM well enough; HE did not understand about smaller versions of cats, and thought she might be evil.

After that 2 weeks, the bonding began and continued pretty rapidly. Now they're best of friends. They play together, cuddle, groom, and sleep together.

Just realize that they're like people - they need to get to know each other before they can be buddies.
posted by kythuen at 3:33 PM on December 24, 2014 [3 favorites]

The feeding thing is an issue. Eartha and Malcolm are litter mates. Eartha is the bossy girl in a litter of five boys. She and Malcolm are bonded, and they love each other distractedly. At feeding time, Eartha scarfs down her food, and then goes for Malcolm's. It makes me distracted. If I feed them in separate rooms, Malcolm refuses to eat. If I hold Eartha back (screaming, meowing and all pointy) he'll nibble for a second or two, then do the burying move, and walk away.

Malcolm offers tribute to Eartha and there's nothing I can do about it. He won't eat if he can't give her some. So I feed them in the kitchen, and let the chips fall where they may. Our next move is to take away the food once Malcom is finished because Eartha is overfeeding and fat.

I don't think there's a perfect answer to this, you have to see who's doing what, and adjust as you go.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:22 AM on December 25, 2014

These things can all be an issue, but won't necessarily be an issue. If you go to a shelter (especially a cage free or foster based organization) and tell them about your situation and your worries, they can guide you to cats with whom these won't be problems. Some cats are big over feeders, or bossy, or don't like other cats. Others have reticent eating styles, are very submissive, or LUrVE the heck out of other cats (in the case of ex-alley cat Slim, all three). With a bit of care and patience, the cat you like can be found.

I feed mine out of separate bowls together in the same room. It requires me to watch like a hawk for a few minutes, as half the cats are food stealers, and the other half are reticent eaters. But it works. I've done it from day one with most of my introductions - if you can convince the resident cat(s) that the new cat doesn't imperil the food supply, you're a long way to winning the war.

There was a bit of mounting with one specific pair, but that hasn't extended to the other boys, or the next female.

I'd strongly suggest going with an 18 month old (or older) cat. Kittens are fun, but can be totally exhausting for everyone involved. An adult cat is more fully formed, calmer, etc...

As far as cat qualities to look for, check out the Way of Cats blog. She has a clear system with clear explanations of how cat personality types work.
posted by wotsac at 2:23 PM on December 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Not sure if this was covered above, but Cat vs. Cat is a good book and explains how to deal with multiple cats. Two of the main things are 1. arranging the furniture around the house so that everyone has their own territory/paths to walk on. 2. getting multiple litter boxes. At least one for each cat.

re: feeding, I have two cats and one is a nibbler and the other, a glutton, one eats the other cat's food. We feed them at the same time but we feed the skinny one in a high location that the fat one is too big to jump up to.
posted by jacobnayar at 4:46 PM on December 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

I can specifically answer the feeding problem, because when I got our shelter cat a year and a half ago, I had to solve it. Cat Prime is a piggy piggy hoover and will eat any and everything in his path. Emergency Backup Cat is a grazer and finicky and literally nothing, up to and including dangerous levels of starvation, will incite him to eat on a different schedule.

We got EBC a Meowspace, but tbh you really don't have to spend that much money, we're just lazy. You can easily hack together a feeding box out of any sort of lockable / triggered cat flap / door and a large clear Tupperware bin for a fraction of the cost.

Our cat learned how to use the Meowspace in under a week, and so far Cat Prime has shown zero interest in bullying his way in, so we haven't had to resort to installing the "bully barriers" that came with it.
posted by lonefrontranger at 11:58 AM on January 5, 2015