Time-Sensitive Seduction? Or: not letting ship-in-the-night sail on by.

December 5, 2014 10:28 PM

I have been crushing heavily on a guy who's been working as part of a construction team renovating my office space since September. After months of crossing paths without a word, just eye contact, we finally made small talk, but kept the talk going, and he sustained a very steady eye contact which I feel to be indicating some interest, even if he's not strongly signaling. His project wraps up in a week. Perhaps he feels there's no point in making a move. But I want something to happen. What do I do to make him mine?

I am not looking for a LTR, more like a breathless fling. I am not averse to taking charge, but do not know if he's taken. Flirting is not my forte, but I'm a friendly listener and frank in conversation. There are coworkers of his around so it's not always easy to get him alone. Also, he is a skilled tradesman while I am of the white-collar / creative class. I have wondered whether he gets hit on a lot in these contexts.

posted by taramosalata to Human Relations (14 answers total)

You can ask him out, but you can't "make him [yours]." You can ask him out to dinner, invite him back to your place, and set the trap, but there's no guarantee. After that, don't waste time wondering why he won't or if you can convince him. It's not respectful.
posted by discopolo at 10:41 PM on December 5, 2014 [5 favorites]

Best answer: "When's your last day here? Can I take you out for drinks after?"
posted by Jacqueline at 11:08 PM on December 5, 2014 [36 favorites]

Give him your card and either make a joke about the project ending and maybe him missing being around the office, or just say he can get in touch of he'd like to get drinks sometime.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:23 PM on December 5, 2014 [2 favorites]

You can ask him out, but you can't "make him [yours]." You can ask him out to dinner, invite him back to your place, and set the trap, but there's no guarantee. After that, don't waste time wondering why he won't or if you can convince him. It's not respectful.

i'm pretty sure that was a joke

ask him on a date, OP. Jacqueline's wording is as good as any; it'll be scary, but sounds like it could be worth it, and you can check whether you're misreading him by his response.
posted by Sebmojo at 1:44 AM on December 6, 2014 [3 favorites]

Best answer: Just ask him out. He may be interested, or he might be polite. He may be taken, or he may just not be interested.

Just ask.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 5:10 AM on December 6, 2014 [4 favorites]

Are you giving of your own indications that you are interested?

Flirting 101: Eye contact (you got that), smiles, compliments, light touching.

Ask him to fix something broken in your office to get him alone.
posted by Ironmouth at 5:33 AM on December 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

I have wondered whether he gets hit on a lot in these contexts.

That would be an excellent question to ask him.
posted by Ironmouth at 5:34 AM on December 6, 2014 [12 favorites]

Best answer: Advice I can offer as a lady construction worker:

it's worth trying. You won't know if you don't ask! However, fully expect the rest of the crew to start paying you attention regardless of the answer. The men I work with give school girls a run for their gossipy money.

Also, consider dropping the creative distinction between the two of you. Being a truly skilled tradesmen is a very demanding and creative role.
posted by teslacoilswoah at 8:15 AM on December 6, 2014 [12 favorites]

Response by poster: Yup, it's a little scary for me to ask him on a date. Plus a "date" feels more formal than how I want to spend time with him. But I guess there is no shortcut without way more risk-taking. Does it have to be drinks? His days here end early and he seems to go to lunch with his coworkers, otherwise I'd try for lunch....

teslacoilswoah - Seeing his expertise in a field not my own was part of the attraction. I'm just worried he might have a preconception of me. In our earlier, silent path-crossings, I might have come across as aloof. My recent behavior with him has been contrary to that -- the change was absurdly abrupt, even -- but I've gotten read as aloof a lot so am haunted by that!

Light touching: I am terrible at this tried and true means of flirtation. Pedantically specific pointers welcome.
posted by taramosalata at 12:42 PM on December 6, 2014

You're way overthinking this. Don't worry about fitting yourself into his schedule, and don't worry about what he thinks of you. Don't use the word "date" if you don't want to. Just put the ball in his court and let him respond if he wants to. Wait until the job is done to ask so you don't get weirdness from the crew.
posted by rhizome at 12:48 PM on December 6, 2014

If it's too early for drinks, then make it coffee. No need for the word date, just by asking him to a one-on-one thing should be plenty clear. If he says he's not interested or busy or some other thing, then everyone saves face.

Good luck!
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 4:06 PM on December 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

I see you say you don't want a LTR, but you also want to "make him [yours]" - do you want a one night stand, or a few weeks of good times? If the latter - then don't fuck him on the first date.

He's a skilled trade craftsman? Is he by any chance a plumber? Can you arrange to meet him for coffee, and ask if he could help you unblock your pipes? Is he a carpenter? You're looking at redecorating - maybe he can help you choose the right kind of wood? Etc. Yes, they're porn cliches - doesn't mean you can't have fun with them.
posted by doctor tough love at 6:36 AM on December 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Jacqueline's suggestion is ideal because you get an immediate result one way or the other. However it sounds like you're uncomfortable with that forwardness, hence your question.

So maybe try this: Research that "trade" he's skilled in, to an extent sufficient that you can ask an intelligent question about it. The reason being that you have a home improvement project in mind. While you're asking that question (pedantically specific pointers ahead), touch him lightly on the forearm, using only the three last fingers of your hand (middle finger, ring finger, little finger). Hold that touch for a moment, just long enough for him to shrink away from it if he's not interested in you in "that way". Alternatively, if he's left tools lying around, pick one of them up, and ask the intelligent question you prepared earlier.

If he's at all sensitive he'll realize you're available to him and make his move if he wishes.

The advantage to this oblique approach is that if he's *not* interested, your actions are not worth gossiping about with his workmates.
posted by Pechorin at 5:53 AM on December 8, 2014

light touching means hand to arm hand on top of hand
posted by Ironmouth at 3:01 PM on December 8, 2014