the etymology of you hearing me

December 1, 2014 11:40 AM

Of late, it seems like everyone in the world is using the phrase "I hear you," to mean, sort of, "yes me too" or "okay," or "I understand," or "I get it." Or a combination of all of those. I've been hearing (heh) this A LOT. Why? When did this start? Where did it come from? Is it everywhere or regional?

The use is like this.
Person 1: Oh no, it's raining. I hate rain. It is wet.
Person 2. I hear you. Rain sucks.

Or

Person 1: It is too cold in here. Why did you turn the heat off!
Person 2: I hear you. Turn it back on.

"Everyone" includes my northeast-USA-based friends (late 20s-mid 30s), my ex-nyc-now-florida-based-grandma (86), my boyfriend (37)(nyc), my coworkers and my boss (late 30s-mid 40s)(nyc), strangers I eavesdrop on in restaurants and on the train (all ages, tourists and locals), even the users of metafilter itself (!) (all ages! all over!). "Of late" means "within the past two years, and it seems to be increasing."

I've gone googling and I learned that Obama has said it a lot, and that urban dictionary thinks it is an old hippie thing. The phrase's current popularity leads me to believe it is not actually an old hippie thing. So what is it?! Why did everyone decide to start talking like their therapist at the same time?! What I want to understand is the source, and the timeline for the phrase's spread. I started noticing it about a year ago and it has gotten to where I hear someone say it at least once a day.

posted by millipede to Writing & Language (15 answers total)

I've heard this in Maryland in the past couple of years, chiefly in a work setting. When certain bosses use it I think "I hear you" means "I want to appear concerned, but fuck you."
posted by Rob Rockets at 11:50 AM on December 1, 2014 [4 favorites]

Dates back at least to 1906.
posted by empath at 11:54 AM on December 1, 2014 [3 favorites]

The hippie origin is corroborated by The Hippie Dictionary, for what it's worth.

I haven't really noticed an upswing in its usage myself. Could this be confirmation bias?

I would note that there are several related phrases that all mean basically the same kind of neutral acknowledgement and have the structure of "I witnessed/confirm that thing you did" such as "I feel you," "I see where you are going," and even the recent meme "I see what you did there." It's possible that Obama's usage is having some influence, but I think people would be saying something like it, if not that.
posted by AndrewInDC at 11:54 AM on December 1, 2014 [2 favorites]

I don't think it's the hippie usage, at least not according to the cited Hippie Dictionary. In modern parlance, it doesn't mean "I agree with you." It's more neutral: "I acknowledge your feelings and your right to have them." It may come in a context of agreement or disagreement.

It probably comes out of therapy parlance. (Sex and the City S2E2 SLYT: Samantha: "What can I say? I need a big dick." Therapist: "I hear that.") A therapist needs to be able to acknowledge a client's feelings without necessarily approving or disapproving of them.
posted by musofire at 12:11 PM on December 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

Personally, I picked it up from the Denny O'Neil run of "The Question" back in the late '80s. The title character used it in the sense musofire notes, indicating that he heard what the person he was talking to said without necessarily registering agreement or disapproval, though if memory serves me correctly he used it mostly to indicate agreement.
posted by Gelatin at 12:38 PM on December 1, 2014

I agree with the above commenters that "I hear you" acknowledges what someone said without agreeing or disagreeing. I categorize it alongside "it is what it is" as a phrase that expresses a neutral sentiment and that is getting overused lately. It makes sense that we might need such phrases more as society is getting more polarized.
posted by Bentobox Humperdinck at 12:47 PM on December 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

I've been using it for decades. It's equivalent to "I see" for those of us who are more auditory than visual.

I think the fact that you're noticing it everywhere is just the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon at work.
posted by Shmuel510 at 1:29 PM on December 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

"I feel you" is another similar variation. It's a way of saying "I know what you're saying" with fewer words and without agreement necessarily but with empathy. I have not noticed an uptick with either expression.

It's a way of answering the question "you know what I'm saying?" (More common with black folks) or "know what I mean?" (More common with white folks) without actually being asked.
posted by aydeejones at 1:34 PM on December 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

To me, this isn't new- been hearing it all my life (I'm 35, born and raised and Philadelphia). I'm not sure, but I think I used to hear it more from blacks than whites (I grew up in a neighborhood and went to schools with large black populations).- maybe it is now more common among white people than before, as per tradition of black vernacular being adopted as "hip" later on by whites?
posted by bearette at 1:52 PM on December 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

Dates back at least to 1906.

Actually, that source cites an entirely different meaning in Scottish dialect dating back that far. It says the meaning at hand dates to around 1960 in the U.S.
posted by Shmuel510 at 2:01 PM on December 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

According to Google Trends, usage of it seems to be steady since 2004, which fits with my experience in Ontario, Canada.
posted by Jairus at 2:38 PM on December 1, 2014

Hmm, I am not sure I agree that it's suddenly become more common, but it also has a more specific meaning to me than most others here: used in response to a complaint to indicate empathy with the complaint (so at least partial agreement) and usually deflecting responsibility in some way or counselling inaction or pointing out our mutual powerlessness to fix the problem ...so more like your first example than the second.
posted by neat graffitist at 2:57 PM on December 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

I usually interpret this as "I acknowledge your position but you are wrong and I am about to elucidate why."
posted by deathpanels at 6:03 PM on December 1, 2014

Early 1970s, smoking pot -- "I hear ya, man." Emphasis on *hear*. Acknowledgment and agreement.

God, the pot we smoked was so shitty -- I look at the pot you people smoke today, I want to marry the shit. I can't smoke the stuff anymore, I've found that I'm allergic to it -- it almost invariably made me break out in drinking binges.

Anyways. At least the early 1970s.
posted by dancestoblue at 11:55 PM on December 1, 2014

I think when Obama (or other leaders) use it, it means something different than when a peer uses it.

For a leader, it's the counterpoint to constituencies trying to 'make their voices heard'. It's a remarkable thing when the president hears an individual or a group, just because so many people are vying for his attention. So when a president says "I hear you", it means that you have his attention, which is mostly a good thing.

For a peer, saying "I hear you" in a conversation is basically making the least committal observation one can make about the status of your conversation. He heard you, but he didn't 'feel', 'understand', 'listen', 'care', etc. So it's mostly a dismissive thing.
posted by empath at 7:35 AM on December 2, 2014 [1 favorite]