How to start a conversation with a physicist

November 14, 2014 7:27 AM

I have been invited to dinner at the home of Russian emigre's who are both physicists. I work administratively at a medical school. The context of the dinner is that the couple are clients of my partner, who is an artist. Other than Putin jokes, or asking them to explain string theory, does anybody have any suggestions for conversation starters that won't make me seem like I failed my "physics for poets" class in undergrad?

I know we'll discover other things to talk about, but I'd like to be able to be able to bring up physics at least once during the night. I can't pass myself off as an expert, but I could at least feign interest in their field. What's a good burning question or topic to let them expound upon and impress them for my having asked?

posted by lolo341 to Human Relations (21 answers total)

Best answer: Rather than asking something about physics items from the popular science press (which, depending on their specific field, they might not know anything about), try just asking them what they specifically work on. Are they experimentalists or theorists? Do they run a big lab or only have a couple of graduate students? Do they think the public has a reasonably good understanding of their subject, or does the popular science press get it super-wrong? Do they get a lot of weird reactions from strangers when they say they're physicists? (Hint: yes, every scientist has a story about it). Feigning interest in physics if you don't actually enjoy it isn't going to be any fun for you, and it's not going to be as satisfying to them as you think it is. Mostly just be genuinely interested in them as people, and try not to shut down the conversation dramatically if it does go into physics (see above about strangers walking away, looking horrified, saying I HATED THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL). The people who have impressed me in conversation have mostly been artists, not because they have a physics background but because they're able to ask questions without obvious and paralyzing fear.
So: meta questions will be much more interesting for you to hear about, and for them to talk about, than something like "so, the Higgs." I'm not saying there aren't physicists who only want to talk about physics, but take their lead — most of the physicists i've worked with want to talk about anything BUT physics when they're out with friends.
posted by you're a kitty! at 7:34 AM on November 14, 2014 [13 favorites]

Best answer: They're not aliens, they're just physicists. Find out about them as people - and don't try to impress them with clever questions. Seriously. I say this as the daughter of a physicist, and I would always cringe when people would try to pull out the physics questions to impress my dad. Because what will happen, is that they will just have to spend an hour explaining why the question you thought was awesome was not even the right question to ask. I mean, they already know you're not a physicist, so don't go in trying to prove yourself, just relax and enjoy their company.
posted by meringue at 7:40 AM on November 14, 2014 [7 favorites]

Best answer: My brother in law is a physicist and he is the goofiest, most down to earth, Budweiser- and baseball-loving guy you will ever meet. Honestly I don't even bother asking him about what he does anymore because it's so incomprehensible. If you really want to talk with them about their work, just ask them if it's possible to explain it to somebody who doesn't know anything about physics. They aren't going to expect you to be able to talk to them intelligently about the details of what they do.
posted by something something at 7:46 AM on November 14, 2014

I don't think you should bring up physics. If they want to do so, let them. I'm guessing they have lots of opportunities to discuss physics in other contexts and they are probably more interested in discussing general topics and art (that, not physics, is the connection to the couple they've invited to dinner.)
posted by Area Man at 7:47 AM on November 14, 2014 [3 favorites]

My father was a physicist and I can count on one hand the number of times we discussed physics. He would talk your ear off about woodworking with hand tools, though. Just be yourself!
posted by chocotaco at 8:02 AM on November 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

Nthing everyone's advice to not bother asking about physics. If they're like most people, they don't want to talk shop while they're socializing anyway, especially with people who know nothing about their field of study. Just talk about what you'd normally discuss with strangers at a party and you'll be fine.
posted by holborne at 8:07 AM on November 14, 2014

Working administratively in a medical school has the potential to be rife with good stories, about stressed out students, a dirty behind-the-scenes look at the training of doctors today, the egos (and humanity) of the academics and physicians who work there. Or whatever, talk about your weird co-worker who only ever eats peanut butter sandwiches and two boiled eggs for lunch every day. Or talk about your rose garden that's coming up so nicely, or your childhood pet Siamese fighting fish. All people are weird and quirky and therefore interesting, and I'll bet you are, too.
posted by noonday at 8:10 AM on November 14, 2014

Agreed that there's no reason at all why you should even talk about physics at the dinner, unless you have some curiosity about what they do.

I think pretty much anyone working in a highly technical field is familiar with the process of being at a party and trying to explain what it is that they do for work. Most of the scientists I know have developed some set answers, gauged for the recipient's apparent level of expertise and interest.

My brother--whose job I am only capable of describing as "involving algorithms"--once told me that the only time this is a problem for him is when someone seems to invite him to give more technical answers and he realizes, halfway through, that they were only being polite.

So anyway, don't be afraid to ask them questions if you're curious, but they will certainly not expect you to have a high-level understanding of physics, and you definitely shouldn't try to pretend your knowledge or level of interest is higher than it actually is.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 8:59 AM on November 14, 2014

I've known and work with several Russian physicists. I echo that they are people first and physicists second. They almost certainly want to talk about their families, their own interests more than their work. That might be different if they viewed you as a colleague, but even then, most people want time away from work.

Particularly if they were educated in Russia, It might be worth your while to read up on the concept of "culture" in the Russian sense. This gives you many points of departure: being able to talk about art or history or politics is something that they may well appreciate more than a western-educated counterpart. Given that your partner is engaged in such an activity for them (presumably), I'd start there.
posted by bonehead at 9:02 AM on November 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

I'm not a physicist but folks often react the way you're describing to my science job. I'll say a couple of things here.

1) Every scientist has the elevator pitch that they use for intelligent non-scientists. "What kind of research do you do?" will get you that pitch. "Are there any real world applications for [SCIENCE WORD]?" is a really common follow-up that they'll also probably have a canned answer to, and may get you more information that you can follow up on. (Medical imaging! Weather predictions! Faster computers! Things like that.)

"How did you get interested in that?" is a totally reasonable follow-up question is likely to lead in interesting non-science directions with conversational hooks for you to grab.

"What agency funds that type of research here?" is a question that, depending on what admin work you do, you might be able to connect with on professional grounds.

I wouldn't ask about current science events; it'll be far too likely that their field is completely different. People ask me about odd things all the time and are disappointed when I haven't even heard of it. Likewise, "that sounds so hard!" or similar usually falls flat. Science is just working until you have information. Art is more difficult; you can work plenty hard and still have garbage at the end.

2) Just because they have a science job, you don't have to talk about science. People don't seem to need to work in stuff about scissors if they're having a hairdresser over, you know? Even people who love their work also like to talk about other things. When the topics go sciencey, I tend to go into Teacher Mode and then feel awkward about turning a nice chat into a classroom, so I generally turn the topic away from my work (most of my friends are not scientists, and I like it that way.). The fact that you're going to their home might make this easier. Talk about the art on their walls, the food they cook, what kinds of Russian food can they can't find locally, whether they have been to local landmarks yet. They're just folks.
posted by tchemgrrl at 9:05 AM on November 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

Russian, you say? Why not ask them if they remember a YA novel about a man who was really a dog?
posted by tinkletown at 9:19 AM on November 14, 2014 [7 favorites]

If they are clients of your partner who is an artist, then how well are you uptodate with arts, culture, music and all the other stuff that such type of intelligent people enjoy experiencing and discussing?

Perhaps talking more to your partner about what they wanted or what impression of their interests beyond their work that your partner gathered from meeting them may help you get a better sense of what to expect in such a social gathering.

You may be feeling intimidated by their professions but I suspect you will be surprised by the convivial hospitality and social evening.
posted by infini at 9:35 AM on November 14, 2014

I'm a physicist. Having conversations about physics is difficult. Either it's a current-events topic that I know nothing about (no really, I just do lasers! I know nothing about the Higgs boson, and everything I know about the comet I learned from xkcd!) or it's them asking me to provide information about my work, which often goes badly, because there's not much direction the conversation can go at that point. If she tells you what she does in 2 sentences, what will you say to that?

Terrible responses include: "gosh, that's... interesting?" "what's it for, though?" "people really fund that?" "that sounds really difficult/hard" "you must be really smart" "does that have anything to do with ?" and basically anything that implicitly criticizes the topic, the physics field as a whole, yourself (for not understanding), or them (for being so distant and physics-y).

Even if you're super-interested and you find that summary genuinely interesting, and you ask a relevant technical question ("but if you're shooting the laser at the air, what are you measuring?) that means she has to explain more things, and do it at a fairly non-technical level, which can sometimes be kind of fun, but is usually a lot of work, so you're not exactly doing her a huge favor by bringing the conversation topic to her.

Fairly good follow-ups include "what's your favorite part of your job?" "is that related to research you did in school? why did you choose that topic?" "When did you first think you might be interested in {lasers, semiconductors, comets, etc}?" Basically types of questions where you're asking about him as a person, or the way a talk show host would socially interview any expert. However, this can be a bit pushy and intrusive. I can only stand a little bit of this type of question before I freak out, but I hate stuff like that, things that imply I was supposed to have had an experience I didn't (a conversion experience to loving physics, a deep dedication to the reason for my research, a favorite book I can tell you the title of, etc.) and I feel put on the spot. So use with caution, and make sure it feels like a conversation, not an interview.

One thing that both you and they know about is school. I'd ask what they think about the way science is taught in Russia and in the US. You might talk about the culture of what students seem to expect from education and teachers and staff. Are they professors at the same or a different university than the one you work for? Compare/contrast schools or departments.
posted by aimedwander at 9:44 AM on November 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

I know you asked about physics, but in general: I've never met anyone who emigrated to the US who didn't like to talk about their homeland. So asking how they ended up coming to America, or "what notable differences have you found between Russian and American television / movies / radio / news / etc?"

Re physics: how about simply "are there any differences in how physics is done in Russia versus the US?"

In general, I've always found that asking about the differences between there and here tends to yield interesting results.
posted by doctor tough love at 10:52 AM on November 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

I recently had a fascinating conversation with a Russian traveling in the United States. We talked about all kinds of things -- world politics, WWI, the Iranian Revolution, the Russian taxation system (13% flat, no local taxes), which party Putin would join if he were American (Republican), and the dearth of good IPA in Russia. I know politics are usually out of bounds, but we both really enjoyed ourselves and loved talking about the similarities and differences in our home countries.

Ask about their kids, and then ask about how their own education differed from their children's. Then, commiserate on kids these days. Ask about their favorite restaurant in their hometown, their favorite meal to cook, their favorite sport, etc.
posted by joebakes at 10:54 AM on November 14, 2014

nthing what everyone else has said. My husband is a physicist, and he often gets frustrated by reactions similar to the ones not a kitty! and aimedwander (among others) mentioned. It feels very isolating to hear, "Oh my God, you must be so smart, I could never understand that."

In the six years we've been together, he has still failed to adequately explain/I have failed to understand the work he does, but we still have plenty to talk about. When he does talk about work, it tends to be more about the politics of his group or the mundane elements of telescope upkeep ("Goddamit, we had to clear a bird's nest out of the instrument again.") Everyone has a funny/frustrating work story, so if you want to talk about physics, that might be an avenue into it that would be accessible to everyone.
posted by coppermoss at 10:56 AM on November 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

I'm married to a Russian physicist (well, Belarussian really, but close enough) and I want to nth that you really needn't feel like you have to talk about physics the whole time (or at all, really). You should express interest in what they do and allow them to take the lead in how much they want to share. From talking to my husband and his Russian scientist friends, Russian scientists tend to be a well-read lot, interested in talking about books and culture and politics and art and philosophy. Most Russians I know like nothing more than a meaty conversation - usually they're willing to delve into topics that most Americans would consider out of bounds. Given that these physicists are into art, I would bet that they're knowledgeable about it and would like to have a good conversation about the kind of art your partner does, or the art scene in general.
posted by peacheater at 11:21 AM on November 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

A small and oddly specific thing that drives my physicist partner crazy: don't bring up the TV show The Big Bang Theory as an intro to discussing their work. At best, the person will be like, "Haha, no, it isn't like that" and at worst they'll feel like you're asking if everyone they work with is a totally maladjusted weirdo. People do this to my partner a lot! It's always a well-intentioned attempt to relate, but contributes to that "ooh, a SCIENTIST" othering others have explained so well.

You'll impress them plenty by treating them normally and letting the conversation flow organically.
posted by superfluousm at 12:22 PM on November 14, 2014

You could try the suggestions at the beginning of this Flanders and Swann track ....

Seriously, most scientists I've known have had keen interests outside their scientific field, and most people don't really enjoy talking shop in social situations. You're all likely to have a more enjoyable evening if you ask about their hobbies.
posted by Perodicticus potto at 12:24 PM on November 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

My impression is that scientists spend most of their time talking about the non-science part of their situation. Grants, families, tenure, WTC. They assume that only their colleagues know enough to discuss the science.
posted by SemiSalt at 3:29 PM on November 14, 2014

I'm an astrophysicist, and from my experience with dinner parties, I would say that the only time that I feel uncomfortable in a way that is related to my profession is when people assume that I am somehow intellectually elevated above the rest of society. I think that it's important to mention that like all the other physicists I know, the only reason that I have the skills that I have is because I have been studying physics for over a decade. I don't have some type of super brain, just a great deal of experience in my area. You could say the same of almost anyone who has devoted themselves to a subject, so my skills aren't that special.

A story that I like to tell that illustrates my point, is that when I was an employee at Fermilab (back when the particle accelerator was still operational), someone at a dinner party asked to play chess with me. He was thrilled to bits that he was about to play against an actual physicist. It took less than an hour for him to realize that I was about as skilled as the average person who happens to know the rules of the game. He was disappointed and shocked, as if somehow I should have been able to give him the game of his life. I told him what I will tell you now: "What can I say? I'm a physicist, not a chess player."

You are going to dinner with people who happen to be educated and employed as physicists. Their professions don't necessarily sum up all that they are, nor does it elevate them above anyone else.

Talk to them the same way that you would as if you had no idea what their profession was, because they are people, just like you.
posted by Shouraku at 5:18 PM on November 14, 2014 [1 favorite]