I need to break free of my gambling addiction.

November 7, 2014 8:41 AM

I'm addicted to online gambling, and it's taking a toll on my social life, pocketbook, and self-esteem. I need to quit - and have tried to - but have relapsed each time within a week, give or take. The relapse usually occurs when I'm anxious/stressed (which unfortunately is quite often lately). To MeFites that have struggled with and overcome some form of addiction - how did you beat your habit? What did it take? How did you resist the temptation, even in moments of weakness?

I'll keep this relatively detail-free, as a few people I know browse Metafilter.

Brief background - I'm impulsive by nature, and have always had a hard time choosing long-term gains over short-term pleasure. I also have ADD + depression/anxiety. I've gambled for a while, but it wasn't what I would call an 'addiction' until maybe a year or so back.

I'm dealing with more than a few significant life stressors at the moment, and am often on edge. I try my best to de-stress in healthy ways: Exercise, eating well, etc. But I always come back to gambling. I feel great while I'm in the thick of it, and afterwards, well... not so great. Even when I win some money.

I'm self-aware enough to realize that my gambling is a coping mechanism. While playing, I can take my mind off of all of the shit that's going on in my life and avoid the work I have to put in to resolve my problems. And I know that by playing, I'm only increasing my level of stress and exacerbating my issues. I mean, I used to procrastinate in school due to my anxiety, but at least I wasn't losing money.

Like I said in the preview, I've tried to stop... but the days that pass between relapses are rough. Gambling is always in the back of my mind, and I get even more stressed when I can't play. I get such a rush and sense of relief when I give in and open up my gambling app, and all of my problems melt away for a few hours - it's like a drug for me. And much of the work I do is on my home computer, so the drug is in front of me all of the time.

So far, I've tried:

1. Deleting the app (I reinstall it)
2. Site blockers (I disable them)
3. Going to the library or other public place to work (There are periods in which I don't have access to a car and can't go to the library. So I need to learn to cope at home as well)

I'm making a deliberate choice to gamble instead of going to see friends/saving money/etc. Sometimes it doesn't feel like a choice, but I know it is. I've lost a lot of respect for myself, because I keep turning to gambling even though I know my world will come crashing down if I push this much further. I'm burning through my savings, and at times am filled horror/despair that I am still playing when I simply can't. I'm planning on therapy, but I've had two therapists in a row now that I just didn't feel comfortable opening up to - so I'm on a waiting list again.

In the meantime, I'd like to hear from MeFites, particularly those who have struggled with addiction in the past or present; how did you manage to break free? How long did it take? Did you need a support group, or were you able to go it alone? After stopping, how long did it take you before you were able to go a day without being tempted to start up again? Any other advice would be appreciated as well.

Thanks. I don't want to have to hit rock bottom before I'm able to break this habit.

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (13 answers total)

What you need to do, first and foremost, is talk about this with a psychiatrist. Not just a therapist. You have ADD and depression/anxiety but you don't mention any treatment for this, and serious impulse control problems are a huge warning bell there. There are medications that help with this sort of thing, but what medications exactly depend a lot on the specific details of your situation. You need to be working on this with a doctor.
posted by Sequence at 8:55 AM on November 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

You need to cut off your ability to put more money into your online gambling accounts. I don't know how you're getting it in there, currently, so this may involve cutting up or closing credit cards, closing your checking account and only having a savings account, etc.
posted by Jacqueline at 8:58 AM on November 7, 2014

Try Gambler's Anonymous. Look at the website for the hotline and meetings and get a sponsor or a buddy. You don't mention a partner/living with someone but if you do, have them take over the money for a while.
posted by BibiRose at 9:09 AM on November 7, 2014 [4 favorites]

Breaking Addiction is a helpful book, and it agrees with what you're saying here -- addiction is a coping mechanism, and you don't have to hit "rock bottom" in order to change.
posted by Bentobox Humperdinck at 9:18 AM on November 7, 2014 [2 favorites]

Most people who successfully break an addiction do it with the help and support of others. There's something about making the public proclamation that you need help followed by the warmth of actually getting help--again and again and yet again--that gives you the strength to do it. It's even better if that help comes from people who went through exactly the same thing. I couldn't have stopped smoking some 15 years ago without it.

Whether it's Gambler's Anonymous or some other group, join a group and get their support for as long as it takes. It'll be difficult enough as it is. Why make it more difficult by trying to do it all by yourself?
posted by mono blanco at 10:10 AM on November 7, 2014

My concern for you is that if you don't seek treatment for this and try to "self-cure," you'll eventually replace gambling with something else. You already admit to having an addictive personality, plus other issues (ADD, depression). The gambling here is a just a symptom, not the actual problem.

My first suggestion would be to contact Gambler's Anonymous. I second Sequence's recommendation to seek professional help as well.
posted by Brittanie at 11:01 AM on November 7, 2014

I'll try to chime back in later with more detailed advice, but is this an app that you only access on your phone? If so, can you switch to a basic flip phone? This isn't a permanent solution, and you should certainly pursue other treatments, but maybe this will give you a bit of breathing room to start trying to get a handle on things.

Also, definitely pursue treatment with a psychiatrist if you aren't currently doing that. A support group like Gambler's Anonymous is a great thing to look into as well.
posted by litera scripta manet at 11:51 AM on November 7, 2014

Nthing Gamblers Anonymous. I helped a friend travel to GA meetings every week for about a year, and it really helped her. I attended Gam-Anon meetings and found them invaluable.
posted by southern_sky at 11:57 AM on November 7, 2014

Gambling addiction can be a side effect of some antidepressants and other medications so if you ARE taking something for those conditions you should talk with your doctor immediately.
posted by bq at 12:19 PM on November 7, 2014

You do need to pursue some counselling-related option here, be it individual therapy or Gamblers Anonymous. However, in conjunction with that, install a blocker on your computer and give SOMEONE ELSE the password, not you. This may also require that there be an admin account on the computer ,which you also do not have the password for, while you use a separate non-admin account. It would be something of a pain, but living with addiction is no picnic, either, I'm sure.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 1:37 PM on November 7, 2014 [1 favorite]

I would get some sort of Internet filter and give someone else access to it for accountability. This would obviously need to be someone you trust.

There is software called XXXWatch that sends an email to your accountability partner(s) if you look at pornography. It can be installed on PCs, phones, tablets, etc. It doesn't *stop* you from looking at porn, it just lets you know that if you do it, someone else will know and can talk to you about it. It's like a preemptive tattle to disincentivize behavior.

Perhaps there is something similar for other gambling or the XXX Watch can be modified for your use?
posted by tacodave at 2:54 PM on November 7, 2014

As a bandaid only,I would replace the unwanted behaviour with something less destructive games that don't cost money, for example, or being naive with hate groups on reddit, or obsessively collecting reference images and saving them in structured directories, or maybe checking out: http://unstuckcommunity.tumblr.com/

Can you gamely your tasks and set point values (or imaginary $ amounts if that rings your bell?) would tracking every cent you spend and save count as a more complicated system of playing with cash?

I have ADHD, poor impulse control, depression. I did quit smoking eventually for 5 years after over 30 serious attempts, but a series of crises in my life and I fell off the wagon over and over again. Now I use nicotine replacement (oral strips) because I know I can manage the desire to smoke (which, like gambling, has an impact on mood swings and depression) even though long term use of these products is not recommended.
posted by b33j at 3:07 PM on November 7, 2014

Definitely gamblers anonymous. I know people it has helped immensely.

I know in the poker world if you wrote to a sites customer support email and told them you had an addiction and would they please ban you and your ip for life they would and they'll stick to it. It's worth a shot to try that with all the gambling sites you use.

Try to remember that it's never too late, and it's never hopeless. You've tried XYZ to quit. Well maybe they'll work this time and maybe ABC will work instead. Good luck!
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:18 PM on November 7, 2014