was I harsh, or upfront?
October 30, 2014 9:05 AM   Subscribe

MeFi can't read dude's minds, but maybe it can tell me if I made the right call with this early stage dating dilemma so I can stop obsessing over it. Bottom line: I want to know if I'm coming across as abrupt and harsh when I only want to be clear and direct.

We met online, I went out with him four or five times over the past couple months. He seemed to want to take things slow. I initiated our first kiss, and a couple times I extended invitations --- to come to my place for dinner, or go watch a game at a bar in my neighborhood --- that in my mind at least, had pretty clear implied hook up potential. Both times he demurred, but indicated that he would like to do these thing some other time, so initially I wasn't discouraged.

Our last date, we met for drinks, hung out for several hours, conversation was easy, fun, not maybe super flirty. He kissed me goodnight as we parted, it was a good kiss. A couple days later, I texted him suggesting we might hang out that weekend, he said he couldn’t, but would like to some other time. I then didn’t text him for about a week, heard nothing from him. He’d said to me that he’d be swamped with work over the next couple weeks, so I reached out again, he texted back and we chatted a bit, I asked when he’d be available to meet up, he said Friday might work and to check in with him later in the week when he’d know what was up, work-wise. I said fine, I’d check in with him Thursday. I texted him Thursday morning, didn’t hear from him until 8:30 Thursday night. He replied with a friendly text saying Friday wouldn’t work after all, a week from Friday might be better. I pointed out that was Halloween, and asked if he had an idea of what he wanted to do as going out to anywhere was likely to be nuts, he said maybe Friday wouldn’t work then and said he might know his schedule better mid-week.

So at that point I was kind of annoyed, I have to say. After mulling it over a bit I texted him later that night, saying straight out that while I’d had a really good time when I’d actually hung out with him, in between times I was starting to feel like I was chasing him down to set something up, and it made me feel like an asshole, like I was pestering him, and I didn’t like feeling that way. I understood he was busy at work and might have other stuff going on, which was fine, but if you can’t seem to find a single night to see me over the course of a month, that spoke for itself. I closed by saying again that I enjoyed spending time with him, and if he figured out his schedule, he had my number.

He hasn’t replied. So…that is my answer right there, bottom line. I guess what I’m wondering now is, did I act like a jerk here? Were my intentions that unclear? I waver between feeling like: You teach people how to treat you. I was honest and upfront about what I was feeling, and I thought I was clear --- I wouldn’t mind seeing him again, but I wasn’t willing to chase after him and get jerked around. If he had come back with some version of, hey look, I had a great time too and do want to see you, work is just nuts right now, then I would have been okay with that. He didn't, fair enough, I should just move on.

But on the other hand, I did like this guy, we seemed to have a connection, did I toss that away by writing something that came across like an out of the blue ultimatum or a break up text? When we did hang out, it was usually he who was suggesting further dates, the kiss was good, it seemed to me there was chemistry. I guess I’m just worried that my own neuroses are leading me wrong here: I’m a pretty independent-minded person as a rule, and perhaps oversensitive about not wanting to seem needy or pushy. I think I’m on high alert for any sign of my level of interest not being fully reciprocated, and backing off if that seems to me to be the case. Maybe, then, I’m actually over-doing and coming across as distant and unreadable.

Gah. I just don't know. In hindsight, I think the reason this is bugging me so much is that this dude was the only guy I've met in several months of active dating whom I actually really liked. I don't want to be a pushover, but neither do I want to push people away for no reason, and my gut's not telling me whether I did right here.
posted by maggiepolitt to Human Relations (36 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
 
You did the right thing, I think. I guess you could have also just let it go and not said anything, which might have left it more open for a reply. But why would you want to be with someone with so little time and/or interest? It has to go both ways to work. If he wasn't initiating things some of the time, then I don't think there was much of a chance for a good relationship. I don't think you did anything wrong--you just weren't right for each other.
posted by three_red_balloons at 9:11 AM on October 30, 2014 [18 favorites]


There's probably not anything you could have said to change his actual behavior, i.e. to get him to call you and take initiative in pushing your relationship forward. If you had said nothing and stopped calling him out of the blue, that probably wouldn't have made him change. Telling him you were frustrated didn't make him change. Anyway, the problem is his level of wanting to date you, which isn't high enough. But there's someone out there who does want to be with you and will make you feel good by communicating with you the amount you want. So go find that guy.
posted by mermily at 9:11 AM on October 30, 2014 [3 favorites]


What you did sounds great. It's really hard to go wrong with honesty, and putting your feelings out there without pressure, and you delivered a good clear message.

He sounds like he possibly had other irons in the fire. I think I've been his flavour of WTF before, and it's happened when I've had I-don't-know-what-this-is things going on with others, and one of those things has suddenly turned into A Thing.
posted by kmennie at 9:12 AM on October 30, 2014 [23 favorites]


it made me feel like an asshole, like I was pestering him, and I didn’t like feeling that way.

Seems like you and this guy were on different trajectories and that's totally fine. However it seems like he was friendly with you (despite not wanting contact on the same frequency/intensity as you did) and I'm not sure that telling someone their actions are "making you feel like an asshole" is maybe the best way to manage things.

That is to say, there's some processing on your own end you can do (Hey this guy doesn't seem to want to hang out as much as I do, hey I'm doing all the work here, I'm not comfortable with that) and then send him a "thanks anyhow" note or even one that is more upfront "Hey I'd really like to see you but it seems like you're not as on board with this as I am> let me know if that changes" but instead you turned it into a "You make me feel bad" thing which is unlikely to achieve a positive result but instead seems designed to force a reaction. Which seems like what you got.

And let me tell you, I get it. I am an irritable person and a lot of this irritability can come down to my anxieties and feeling like I get stuck in uncertain situations and I HATE uncertainty... but that's sort of my issue, not other peoples'. So I don't think your general read on the situation was off. You and this guy were not desiring each other's company the same way and that is a hot button issue for you and that's totally fine. However, tactically if your message was supposed to convey anything other than "I don't like the way this is going. You can change or this is the end of this" I'm not sure it did that. Four or five dates and he's not picking up your signals doesn't read to me like jerking you around. it just reads like "bad fit"

I think next time I'd just keep your own counsel on this sort of thing and do more of the processing on your end and just let folks go if they're not right for you in some way (i.e. if the guy is taking thigns slower than you'd like or not making plans, that's its own bad thing, not just 'oh everything is good but..." situation). You can find someone who is more at the speed you want, and then you're not going to feel all argybargy about it and it will be good.
posted by jessamyn at 9:13 AM on October 30, 2014 [34 favorites]


No, you did the right thing. Your best two choices were to take one last chance to put your intentions out there clearly, OR you could have just bailed and written him off and said nothing and walked away.

The truth of the matter is that he was already out. What you did had no effect on the outcome. There was a slim chance that he was not telling you some external circumstance that was causing his flakiness (a dying family member, the gag-order period on an IPO at work, some sort of life issue that was embarrassing so he hadn't told you) and you gave him the opportunity to present that information if he really was interested.

He's not. Don't use that to beat yourself up over imagined errors - generally when people aren't into you it's them as much or more than you.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:14 AM on October 30, 2014 [2 favorites]


First off, no more texting this stuff. Next time you guys talk, if he calls you for instance, ask him about the texts. "Hey, did you get those texts that I sent about me wondering where we were at?" Then let him respond.

Being up front after a couple months of testing the waters is absolutely the right thing to do. Sorry it's not working out with this guy. Bad timing? Who knows? It's hard to get the right thing clicking at the right time sometimes. Best to move on at this point.
posted by amanda at 9:14 AM on October 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


This guy Just Isn’t That Into You. Communication is a two way street and it sounds like you were the one initiating most (all?) of the dates. If he was super interested, he’d find the time.

What you said doesn’t sound jerkish at all but I also think there’s nothing you could’ve said to affect the outcome one way or the other.
posted by Diskeater at 9:15 AM on October 30, 2014 [6 favorites]


I think if you had come to ask mefi before sending out that last message to him and asked for advice on how to deal with this situation, you probably would have gotten a lot of responses along the lines of: It shouldn't be this hard to make things work, and if he doesn't have the time to meet your needs, go find someone else.

For whatever it's worth, I don't think your expectations are unreasonable, and I don't think you were a jerk. Even if he had legitimate reasons for not being able to make plans, you have every right to make your needs known and go find someone else when it's clear that he can give you what you want/need.
posted by litera scripta manet at 9:16 AM on October 30, 2014 [5 favorites]


Your message is fine; text just isn't a productive medium. But you weren't being harsh, and you didn't jump to it prematurely. You gave him plenty of time to figure his stuff out.

Honestly, if you just met someone who you like, you make time for them. Especially when they seem to be into you and receptive, and doubly especially when they are sending positive hook up signals.

Maybe he's not into you, maybe he has a girlfriend, maybe he's just a screw up who can't do anything right. Either way, I'd drop it and be done with him.
posted by spaltavian at 9:20 AM on October 30, 2014


Your instincts were right on. I don't love text for an important message like, "it seems that you're just not that into me." Might have been better to handle that with a phone call, because while, "You make me feel like an asshole," isn't always aggressive, it might come across that way.

The good news is that he just wasn't all that into it and now you're set up for Halloween with your buds!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:25 AM on October 30, 2014 [2 favorites]


It kind of feels like this just fizzled out. Maybe from lack of interest, maybe from him being way too busy with work to really date, or maybe just because sometimes the spark disappears after you haven't seen someone for a while.

Sorry.
posted by Sara C. at 9:49 AM on October 30, 2014


I am a busy person. I volunteer about 15 hours a week above and beyond work. I have one child still living at home. I have friends with whom I socialize. I tell you all of this because what I have found in my adult life is that if you want to make time, you will. If it is a priority, you will find a way.

You did the correct thing. He was not making you a priority in any way shape of form. Not even the courtesy to call and say I am swamped, what did you do today. If I were him, and I am divorced and looking for a mate (soul or otherwise), I would have at least called and said, "Hey Friday is not going to work. I have not seen you in a while. How about we get a beer on Tuesday even if it is late." One, that would have signaled his good intentions, two it would have been good to actually meet up if only briefly and three, even if you did not meet up, he at least tried.

Stay the course. You were not out of line. He is either not into you as much as you may be into him or he is a slooooowwww moving person that will frustrate you for the rest of your life.
posted by 724A at 9:51 AM on October 30, 2014 [14 favorites]


I think you did the right thing, but what you said does seem a bit harsh. You could have said nothing and taken the unspoken hint, or said "hey, let me know in the future if you wanna make some time, and we'll see where I'm at" or something.

Honestly, "see you around" would probably have been plenty for this guy.
posted by destructive cactus at 10:20 AM on October 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


You did the right thing. Don't worry about it. He may be busy, but he's a flake. Not letting you know until 8:30 that night that he wouldn't be able to make it? Not cool. If you guys had only been texting, then I think a text and not a call is fine.
posted by ablazingsaddle at 10:23 AM on October 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


I think your message was fine, but the medium might have been a little bit difficult. Getting across nuance in text or email can be really difficult, so maybe a phone call would have worked better?
posted by xingcat at 10:27 AM on October 30, 2014


I don't think you acted inappropriately, but your take away from this seems to be that this guy is a jerk, which I find odd. Sounds like he is just busy and perhaps isn't placing developing a relationship (at least not a relationship with you) as a priority. Is there any reason to assume that he isn't telling the truth? Some people have demanding jobs or hobbies or family issues that occasionally take over their lives. I have been this guy. Your frustration is understandable, but you just kind of have to let it go.
posted by deathpanels at 10:31 AM on October 30, 2014


You were great.

By my read he was already being the asshole first. "Oh, text me mid-week," is something you tell your secretary, not your date. Most reasonable not-raised-by-wolves people know exactly how dismissive that sounds. He was probably thinking, it's okay for me to be this dismissive because she's clearly not bothered by my keeping her on the string and making her do all the arranging. But he had to have known there was asshole potential. (A lot of people think if no one's calling them out on being an asshole, maybe it's okay for them to be an asshole.) He's just not that into you and can't give you what you want and is insulting you a bit by presuming you'll be okay with something very causal.

You did exactly right. Cut and run sooner next time.
posted by quincunx at 10:33 AM on October 30, 2014 [10 favorites]


You did the right thing. And, hopefully, he got the message that being more forthright about his actual interest (or lack thereof) is better than being flaky and keeping someone on the line when you don't really have enough interest or energy to pursue something. Lots of people just default to hoping the other person will fade away when it would be far more courteous to say, "I'm not feeling enough of a spark and I've got a lot of other things happening in my life right now. I did enjoy meeting you and you seem like a lovely person, but I'm not interested in taking this further."

And, yes, cut the line sooner next time. If busy people are interested, they'll make time and share the communication tasks. If someone can't bother to get it together, they're probably not interested and/or a bit of a mess in general.
posted by quince at 10:42 AM on October 30, 2014 [2 favorites]


I think your response was completely fine. See, the thing is, nothing you were going to do here was going to magically make this dude less busy/more into you. So, I think anything on the range of "never calling him again" to "explicit in-person breakup" would be fine. You're somewhere in the middle of that range. Where you get into the overly harsh/crazy territory would be if you yelled at him, said really mean things (i.e. instead of "You make me feel like an asshole," something like "You are a horrible evil asshole and I hope you die!"), started stalking him, etc. etc. You did not have one of those extrere/over the top reactions, so I think you did just fine. Basically it sounds like he just didn't have the ability or interest in making you a priority in his life right now, and while that doesn't make him a bad person, it certainly doesn't obligate you to stick around forever or be super nice and accomodating to him.
posted by rainbowbrite at 10:50 AM on October 30, 2014


You did just fine.
There comes a time, as my grandma would say, to shit or get off the pot.
It's not like you were issuing ultimatums or throwing hissy fits, you were calm you were direct and you rightly assumed that you deserved an answer.
The dude could not find time for you, and sure, it would have been better if he'd manned up and said "I'm just not that into you" or some such, but he didn't, and you get to move on dot org.

Did I say that you did just fine? Because you did.
posted by John Kennedy Toole Box at 10:54 AM on October 30, 2014 [3 favorites]


You did fine. And it's perfectly OK for you to lay it on the line like that, despite some societal pressures that say the woman should wait to be chased by the man, play coy, and all that claptrap.

To quote the trope, he's obviously just not that into you. Doesn't matter why; move on.
posted by IAmBroom at 11:08 AM on October 30, 2014


Clearly, you don't think your message to him was "just fine." Can you put your finger on what parts you feel bad about? If you feel like your irritation outweighed your very valid message, you can think of a different way to say what you said. Then decide to handle it your preferred way in the future.

I think you could make things better the next time if you speak up sooner. Try not to wait until you're really pissed, because your anger can make you veer off into sarcasm and bitterness. Sometimes it just sneaks up on you, though. If you are pissed, you can make a special effort to just say how you feel and what you want. Or state that things aren't going the way you want, you're disappointed/frustrated, and so you wish him well, bye-bye.

You saw him one time. Then you asked him out a few more times and he kept putting it off. I personally don't appreciate it when someone just can't say no, but unfortunately it's very common. I see absolutely nothing wrong with what you told him. I hope you can figure out some modification that you could feel good about the next time someone's disappointing you.
posted by wryly at 11:50 AM on October 30, 2014 [2 favorites]


You did fine. Guys who are super duper into you make time for you no matter how busy they are at work.

In the future, I would probably stay away from text messaging as a form of communication for this type of conversation, but that's mainly to prevent you from being left hanging - if you'd have a phone call or face to face conversation about this, you'd be able to get a sense of where he actually was and wouldn't be left second-guessing yourself.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 11:54 AM on October 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


Your assessment was right on and so was your decision about what to do, 100%. But

saying straight out that while I’d had a really good time when I’d actually hung out with him, in between times I was starting to feel like I was chasing him down to set something up, and it made me feel like an asshole, like I was pestering him, and I didn’t like feeling that way. I understood he was busy at work and might have other stuff going on, which was fine, but if you can’t seem to find a single night to see me over the course of a month, that spoke for itself. I closed by saying again that I enjoyed spending time with him, and if he figured out his schedule, he had my number.

is heavy after 4-5 dates, imo, and I think it does come across as a bit aggressive and a touch needy (sorry!). There's an accusatory tone there that might be a little misplaced - he showed poor form in his communication (the accepted - if anxiety-provoking - thing to do when you're not into someone is to fade out with conviction), but he might have been unsure about how he felt, or busy; it's possible he wasn't deliberately screwing with you, which it sort of sounds like you might have inadvertently suggested.

I mean I'd probably feel something similar to how you felt, after indifferent or confusing behaviour, but as jessamyn said, I think it's better to let those thoughts quietly drive your actions rather than say them out loud. Like, if I'd heard that from a guy, I'd wonder what kind of drama I'd escaped. It doesn't sound like you actually are dramatic, though, it sounds more like you're figuring out how to enforce boundaries (a good thing!), and maybe leaning a bit heavily in the direction of over-assertion, which is understandable, if it's a newish practice. But I wouldn't stress about it! It's all learning.

It doesn't sound like you did anything on the actual dates to push him away, if that's part of what you're asking. It does sound more like it was an ok but not great match.
posted by cotton dress sock at 12:11 PM on October 30, 2014 [4 favorites]


Most guys complain when it's the other way around, like a woman expects the guy to be a mind reader. Most guys would prefer a more direct and honest answer, so I think your message was fine. It may have put him off, but doesn't ready sound like he was on.
posted by cjorgensen at 12:21 PM on October 30, 2014


I don't have too much to add to all the great comments and advice above so I'll just add that my script in these situations (like, immediately after the third delay or change of plans) is to say "Look, I think we have different expectations of how all his should work so I'm going to move on." I've never had a negative response to that because it's a neutral statement, and I still get the satisfaction of letting them know I'm not sitting there waiting for the phone to ring (or beep, or whatever it does nowadays.)

Guys who are super duper into you make time for you no matter how busy they are at work.

I don't think they even have be super into you, but there is always time to send a quick "ugh in mtgs all day ttyl" text while they're on the can.
posted by Room 641-A at 12:42 PM on October 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


I just hate guys who think they are being "nice" by doing this slow fade-out thing. He so clearly wasn't that into you. You acted pushy. You probably pushed him away. But it doesn't matter, because he needed to be pushed away. He would have continued stringing you along otherwise. So you can now be free to focus on someone else who IS actually into you.
posted by mysterious_stranger at 12:43 PM on October 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


I think in principle you were right: it's good to be straightforward when you're in the beginning stages of dating, because no one can read your mind, and--also--if he was really interested in you, he probably would have found the time. But I think your message was a bit unnecessarily harsh and also a bit emotionally intense for a situation where you've gone on 5 fairly casual dates. In this case, I think it would have been better to say something like, "Hey, you seem really busy, and I don't want to pester you. Drop me a line when/if you have time to meet up." And then leave it at that. I also wouldn't expect an answer at that point, better to just move on. But, if he does like you and really has just been busy, he at least knows the ball is in his court if he wants to see you again.
posted by colfax at 1:11 PM on October 30, 2014 [7 favorites]


Ya did good, kid.
posted by doctor tough love at 4:50 PM on October 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


If he had come back with some version of, hey look, I had a great time too and do want to see you, work is just nuts right now, then I would have been okay with that.

He had already told you his schedule was going to be hectic. Then his schedule was hectic and you did some overthinking. Then this happened:

I pointed out that was Halloween, and asked if he had an idea of what he wanted to do as going out to anywhere was likely to be nuts, he said maybe Friday wouldn’t work then and said he might know his schedule better mid-week.

That one was just crossed wires. He suggested a day, you said that anywhere you went was going to be nuts, he took that as you saying Friday wasn't such a hot idea and then said he'd know his schedule better a little later.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt when they say they're going to be busy (less so when they say they've been busy) so I don't know. He told you in advance that he was swamped with work and then he was not really available much.

In fairness I will say that it doesn't sound like he was slaveringly, unquenchably into you, but it doesn't necessarily sound like he was yanking your chain either. What I think is important here, though, is this: In what way do you think your last message stood to improve the situation?

If he was into you, it would come off as pushy and needy, and probably push him away.

If he was on the fence about you, same as above, and it would definitely push him away.

If he was not really into you, it's not like you were going to guilt him into being into you, and your message would pretty much just bounce off him.

I ask this question because I don't really get the sense you were coming from a thinking place when you wrote it - it sounds more like a message written in the heat of a stung reaction, coming from a feeling place. It's fine to call someone out for flakey behavior if you know them well and they're already a part of your life, but if they're someone you barely know, just walk away. There's no upside to trying to deliver the big verbal smackdown to someone who's not much more than a stranger.

The short version: It sounds like he probably (but not definitely) wasn't super into you but the message was still a bad idea and is something you should probably avoid in the future.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 7:04 PM on October 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


"Hey, you seem really busy, and I don't want to pester you. Drop me a line when/if you have time to meet up."

That would have been perfect. As it was, you took something that might have been situational, and closed it off definitively. I'm not saying you need to put up with bad treatment. But there's a middle ground. It's like, say you call someone and they don't pick up. Do you (a) sit at home by the phone and call them back periodically, (b) leave them a voice mail saying "hey, I called, give me a call back if you want to hang out," then move on with your life, or (c) leave a message lambasting them for not picking up the phone and telling them how bad it is making you feel? It's like in refusing to do (a), you jumped straight to (c) when you could have just done (b).
posted by salvia at 7:09 PM on October 30, 2014


I think you're right about your assessment of the guy, but to me the text you described sending sounds more like an ending than a final opportunity. That's how I'd take it if I got a text like that. I'm not saying you're wrong to feel the way you do, just saying that's how the message reads to me, but maybe you didn't intend it to sound quite so terminal.
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 7:26 PM on October 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


I think your Halloween Friday comment was fine, fwiw. I mean, all he had to do was suggest an actual venue. And he'd already flaked once, right? So reasonable of you to want specifics. I agree that your final msg was probably a little more intense than is conventional. But at the same time, I thank you for sending it because I feel like ppl like this want to operate in some fantasy zone where everyone is really low key and casual and unbothered by their lack of clear interest/commitment to a date and really...that is actually just a shitty way of conveying a lack of interest. And exploiting your desire to 'be cool' so they can keep you on the line. It's not like he treated you horribly, but he didn't treat you particularly well, either. So I'm glad he gets to hear that spelled out occasionally.
posted by jojobobo at 9:46 PM on October 30, 2014 [1 favorite]


Also fwiw if I got that msg and I was into you, I'd be chuffed and v apologetic.
posted by jojobobo at 9:49 PM on October 30, 2014


I asked when he’d be available to meet up, he said Friday might work and to check in with him later in the week when he’d know what was up, work-wise.

No no no. This is where you stop doing the inviting. It's easy as 1-2-3:

1. You invite him to X.
2. He says "no but vague future something maybe..."*
3. You say "ok call me when you're free & we'll see."

*Alternative 2. He says "can't do X on Monday but how about Y on Tuesday." That's the guy you continue reaching out to.
posted by headnsouth at 1:56 PM on October 31, 2014 [1 favorite]


You did the right thing, don't worry about if you were too harsh, or too this or too that.

With dating, I think it is important to remember not to give too much, let the guy run with making the plans or "chasing" you. If he seems like he is making excuses, or "too busy", or it seems as if you are the one trying to get him to hang out more than he is you- it's safe to say he has something else going on in his life, and it may have nothing to do with a disinterest in you. So, at that point just stop giving him that attention and focus back on your life. I know it's hard when after a few months we meet someone we feel a chemistry or spark with, but try to let them take the lead, and if they don't then it probably wasn't meant to happen.

I'll give you an example, because I sound just like the dude you are talking about in a situation I am in right now. I am just getting out of a messy long relationship and although I have been open to date, I have felt that I need to pull back until I am emotionally stable enough to be able to be open to another person. I met a great guy, someome who I went on a couple dates with, but kept myself physically and emotionally distant (I wanted to be friends with him and just see how things went, and I wanted to take it VERY slow)... I like him, he seems like a genuinely good buy, but I am still trying to pick the pieces up from my last relationship and realize I am in no place to get involved with someone else out of fear I could screw something good up, or hurt him. I have made excuses to him, "I am too busy, work is crazy, how about next friend, etc"... I didn't say all those things bc he did anything wrong, or I don't like him, and I don't like being avoidant, so it has nothing to do with him but everything to do with me and what situation I am in. I politely explained it to him, after several times of me putting him off, so that he understood but, a lot of men aren't as open to expressing those kind of emotions as women are (especially so early on in a dating relationship); so I woulnd't expect that.

Bottom line, you weren't too harsh and it probably had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him and what he may be dealing with in his life. Next time a guy says I'm busy, or lets do it another time, just say okay no problem, let me know and I'll see if I am available. And wait for him to initiate- you can tell a whole lot if someone is truely interested by their willingess to initiate contact and actually make time for you. A guy is never too busy to make time for a woman he likes and sees the possibility of something with.
posted by DMVgirl at 5:33 AM on November 4, 2014


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