Mission Impossible: Having a relaxing weekend
October 10, 2014 9:56 PM Subscribe
I had a rough meeting at work this afternoon and now I'm confused, sad, and hurt. Help me focus so I can move forward.
Background: I had a crappy review with my manager in March, worked hard, and had a positive follow-up review in June. Since then, I don't think anything has changed dramatically regarding my productivity. There is one metric where I have had a lower output since June but that was largely due to an annual project I do every summer. My manager actually steers work away from me in the summer so I can focus on the project. This year, we made significant changes to the way that we deal with the project yet we had a record response rate. Also, I have been seeking a new job and I intend to keep applying for jobs.
Today, my director asked if we could talk after a team meeting. I did not think that we had a team meeting but I told her that I'd be happy to meet. She emailed the other team members to ask if we had a team meeting and my manager replied that we had not scheduled one. I meet with her rarely so I didn't expect it to be a pleasant conversation. Without using the words "final warning," that's how I interpreted the conversation. She did not take notes and said she wanted to give me a heads up. She was clear at the outset that it would not be a fun discussion but it wasn't about my exit strategy yet.
She had two main complaints - my productivity and response time. She said that since June, I had only completed x tasks. I actually completed twice as many tasks in that time period - still not a high number but her number was incorrect, plus prior to June, I had performed a high number of these tasks.
Regarding my response time, she said that she had asked me for help yesterday and I did not reply quickly enough (I replied about 24 hours later after being in a meeting all day the day that she sent the email). Her email didn't mention a deadline - she wanted help with a task she would be doing over the next few days. She said that a colleague said that I had not replied to an email she had sent me less than a day earlier. I mentioned that this colleague sometimes seems unclear about deadlines (a concern another colleague and I have discussed) but my director disagreed.
My director said that I would need to show improvement by early spring or we would be discussing my exit strategy (not that clearly and not in those words but that's what I inferred). I asked if there was anything that I could do or that she needed to see to know that I was making a good faith effort. She said that we are past that. After the meeting, my director said that I may leave early to think about our conversation. I stuck around to do some work. My manager came by to say that my director told him that we had talked and that we could talk about it next week if I had any questions.
So. I know I need a new job. But this seems weird to me: the team meeting that wasn't, saying I did half as many tasks as I actually did, saying I didn't meet a deadline that was never communicated. I know those things don't matter - I still need a new job - but what was that about? I feel like it's a paranoid thing to say but I feel like my director just wants me out, end of story. Again, I know it doesn't really matter but I don't understand. I expect my manager to initiate a follow-up conversation and I want to say, I get it, I don't understand, but I get it. Should I skip the middle part?
Since I don't intend to quit before getting a new job, how do I continue to work productively in this environment? I feel like I should send many more emails to confirm deadlines, communicate status updates, and such (I realize that perhaps it was dumb not to do that before but I guess this is how I learn). And is it reasonable to ask how I was told that I was doing better in June but now I'm doing so poorly I might lose my job?
Thanks for any insights you can offer. I'm not really upset because I want to move on anyway but I am confused, sad, and hurt.
Background: I had a crappy review with my manager in March, worked hard, and had a positive follow-up review in June. Since then, I don't think anything has changed dramatically regarding my productivity. There is one metric where I have had a lower output since June but that was largely due to an annual project I do every summer. My manager actually steers work away from me in the summer so I can focus on the project. This year, we made significant changes to the way that we deal with the project yet we had a record response rate. Also, I have been seeking a new job and I intend to keep applying for jobs.
Today, my director asked if we could talk after a team meeting. I did not think that we had a team meeting but I told her that I'd be happy to meet. She emailed the other team members to ask if we had a team meeting and my manager replied that we had not scheduled one. I meet with her rarely so I didn't expect it to be a pleasant conversation. Without using the words "final warning," that's how I interpreted the conversation. She did not take notes and said she wanted to give me a heads up. She was clear at the outset that it would not be a fun discussion but it wasn't about my exit strategy yet.
She had two main complaints - my productivity and response time. She said that since June, I had only completed x tasks. I actually completed twice as many tasks in that time period - still not a high number but her number was incorrect, plus prior to June, I had performed a high number of these tasks.
Regarding my response time, she said that she had asked me for help yesterday and I did not reply quickly enough (I replied about 24 hours later after being in a meeting all day the day that she sent the email). Her email didn't mention a deadline - she wanted help with a task she would be doing over the next few days. She said that a colleague said that I had not replied to an email she had sent me less than a day earlier. I mentioned that this colleague sometimes seems unclear about deadlines (a concern another colleague and I have discussed) but my director disagreed.
My director said that I would need to show improvement by early spring or we would be discussing my exit strategy (not that clearly and not in those words but that's what I inferred). I asked if there was anything that I could do or that she needed to see to know that I was making a good faith effort. She said that we are past that. After the meeting, my director said that I may leave early to think about our conversation. I stuck around to do some work. My manager came by to say that my director told him that we had talked and that we could talk about it next week if I had any questions.
So. I know I need a new job. But this seems weird to me: the team meeting that wasn't, saying I did half as many tasks as I actually did, saying I didn't meet a deadline that was never communicated. I know those things don't matter - I still need a new job - but what was that about? I feel like it's a paranoid thing to say but I feel like my director just wants me out, end of story. Again, I know it doesn't really matter but I don't understand. I expect my manager to initiate a follow-up conversation and I want to say, I get it, I don't understand, but I get it. Should I skip the middle part?
Since I don't intend to quit before getting a new job, how do I continue to work productively in this environment? I feel like I should send many more emails to confirm deadlines, communicate status updates, and such (I realize that perhaps it was dumb not to do that before but I guess this is how I learn). And is it reasonable to ask how I was told that I was doing better in June but now I'm doing so poorly I might lose my job?
Thanks for any insights you can offer. I'm not really upset because I want to move on anyway but I am confused, sad, and hurt.
Are you a bad employee? Couldn't tell you from this context.
Do employers tell good employees they are poor performers to cover their rears from wrongful termination claims when they want to reduce head count? Certainly.
posted by slateyness at 10:13 PM on October 10, 2014 [11 favorites]
Do employers tell good employees they are poor performers to cover their rears from wrongful termination claims when they want to reduce head count? Certainly.
posted by slateyness at 10:13 PM on October 10, 2014 [11 favorites]
I think it sounds like you have ruined your reputation permanently there already and they're letting you know that one way or another soonish, you won't be there any longer. I'm sorry.
Of course you look for other jobs, but in the meantime you need to do whatever you can to kiss ass and string this job along as long as you can, which probably won't be forever. Which probably boils down to you checking your e-mails constantly, weekday long meeting or no, and responding to everything ASAP if that's what they complain about. As for your finishing tasks, do you have proof that you've done more than they said?
As for this: "saying I did half as many tasks as I actually did, saying I didn't meet a deadline that was never communicated"--this just happened to a friend of mine who got canned for "being too slow," but it was also pretty clear that her boss was gaslighting her and telling her things like "this is due at 4" and then yelling at her for it not being done by 3 and she said she'd ALWAYS said 3, etc. Which is to say, excuses, excuses. Either way, this is the "exit strategy" to hope you get the message that you find another job before they boot you out of this one.
Again, I'm sorry. It hurts to hear. But at least they did it on Friday so you can have two days to detox and get used to the idea. :(
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:29 PM on October 10, 2014 [4 favorites]
Of course you look for other jobs, but in the meantime you need to do whatever you can to kiss ass and string this job along as long as you can, which probably won't be forever. Which probably boils down to you checking your e-mails constantly, weekday long meeting or no, and responding to everything ASAP if that's what they complain about. As for your finishing tasks, do you have proof that you've done more than they said?
As for this: "saying I did half as many tasks as I actually did, saying I didn't meet a deadline that was never communicated"--this just happened to a friend of mine who got canned for "being too slow," but it was also pretty clear that her boss was gaslighting her and telling her things like "this is due at 4" and then yelling at her for it not being done by 3 and she said she'd ALWAYS said 3, etc. Which is to say, excuses, excuses. Either way, this is the "exit strategy" to hope you get the message that you find another job before they boot you out of this one.
Again, I'm sorry. It hurts to hear. But at least they did it on Friday so you can have two days to detox and get used to the idea. :(
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:29 PM on October 10, 2014 [4 favorites]
I'm sorry to hear this.
It sucks, but everytime I've seen this pattern, it means that they've decided they want you gone and are now trying to find or manufacture failings on your part to justify it. No way to know what the real reason is. I've seen it happen because someone got pregnant, or because a new boss didn't like fat people, to make room for someone's friend, and for reasons worse than those.
I could be wrong, because I'm inclined to assume the worst, but I think they aren't actually looking for improvement on any metrics. If I'm right, the decision has been made and the metrics are an excuse. Make the metrics and they'll claim you did it by neglecting other duties. Next they'll be watching for "tardiness" or inaccurate time reporting, and some of it may be outright lies.
Their criticism may well be them trying to beat down your sense of self-worth as a tactic. Please try and remember that what they say isn't based in truth -- it's only about serving their own interests. Please hold on to the knowledge that this job does not define your identity or you value as a person.
Don't quit. Make them fire you and immediately claim for unemployment on the grounds that you were not fired for legitimate cause. If your unemployment is initially denied, demand a hearing. Doing well at work may slow things down a bit, but I'd prioritize finding a new place to work over improvement here.
posted by tyllwin at 10:45 PM on October 10, 2014 [20 favorites]
It sucks, but everytime I've seen this pattern, it means that they've decided they want you gone and are now trying to find or manufacture failings on your part to justify it. No way to know what the real reason is. I've seen it happen because someone got pregnant, or because a new boss didn't like fat people, to make room for someone's friend, and for reasons worse than those.
I could be wrong, because I'm inclined to assume the worst, but I think they aren't actually looking for improvement on any metrics. If I'm right, the decision has been made and the metrics are an excuse. Make the metrics and they'll claim you did it by neglecting other duties. Next they'll be watching for "tardiness" or inaccurate time reporting, and some of it may be outright lies.
Their criticism may well be them trying to beat down your sense of self-worth as a tactic. Please try and remember that what they say isn't based in truth -- it's only about serving their own interests. Please hold on to the knowledge that this job does not define your identity or you value as a person.
Don't quit. Make them fire you and immediately claim for unemployment on the grounds that you were not fired for legitimate cause. If your unemployment is initially denied, demand a hearing. Doing well at work may slow things down a bit, but I'd prioritize finding a new place to work over improvement here.
posted by tyllwin at 10:45 PM on October 10, 2014 [20 favorites]
They just gave you four months notice. "You need to show improvement by early spring" says it all. Just keep on doing your best at your job while looking for a new one. Cut your monthly expenses as low as they can go too. Save up just in case it comes sooner rather than later.
posted by 724A at 10:58 PM on October 10, 2014 [16 favorites]
posted by 724A at 10:58 PM on October 10, 2014 [16 favorites]
I could be teaching my grandmother to suck eggs here but as a practical matter try not to dwell on this feeling, but use it to your advantage to take concrete steps in getting yourself up and out of there.
My advice for this evening is to get up, get out and do something active like go for a long walk, get to the gym or do some housework or gardening to blow off some steam.
Then plan your weekend to make concrete steps in your job search, write a list, do some applications, redraft your CV etc, by bringing this under your own control you'll feel a lot better!
Try and boost your confidence too, call up a friend and ask them out on Sunday night and tell them about all the work you've done and how much you're looking forward to finding a new job blah blah blah.
Chances are instead of stewing over this all weekend and going in on Monday still feeling terrible you'll go in with the detached idea of doing your best in the circumstances and looking forward to your future rather than dreading the present.
posted by Middlemarch at 11:36 PM on October 10, 2014 [7 favorites]
My advice for this evening is to get up, get out and do something active like go for a long walk, get to the gym or do some housework or gardening to blow off some steam.
Then plan your weekend to make concrete steps in your job search, write a list, do some applications, redraft your CV etc, by bringing this under your own control you'll feel a lot better!
Try and boost your confidence too, call up a friend and ask them out on Sunday night and tell them about all the work you've done and how much you're looking forward to finding a new job blah blah blah.
Chances are instead of stewing over this all weekend and going in on Monday still feeling terrible you'll go in with the detached idea of doing your best in the circumstances and looking forward to your future rather than dreading the present.
posted by Middlemarch at 11:36 PM on October 10, 2014 [7 favorites]
First of all, not to pile on during this rough time for you, but I need to address the response time thing. As a practice, I respond to all emails immediately to acknowledge I have received a request and to do one of two things, but maybe both: 1) Request additional information, including a deadline. "Sure thing. What's your timing on this?" "Can I send tomorrow?" 2) Set expectations for when I think I can fulfill the request. "I'm finishing up some stuff for X, but I can get to this after lunch." I even respond to work emails from my phone even if I am not working. "Sounds good, I can get this tomorrow." Or whatever.
If I sent you emails asking for stuff and got no response or acknowledgement until the next day on a routine basis, I would find working with you frustrating too. I have had this issue with my subordinates and even if they do deliver in the end, I have spent time wondering why they haven't responded and feeling frustrated. The fact that they sent the thing I asked for eventually and it didn't create some sort of crisis doesn't matter. I felt unsettled because I wasn't sure it was being handled. I need to know they've seen my emails when I am asking for stuff and be reassured it's taken care of so I can worry about other stuff.
As far as the rest of your job, it's hard to know what is preventing you from hitting metrics and productivity. But you may just need to work on prioritizing your workload and budgeting your time better. Even if you lose this job, developing good practices now will absolutely help you for the next one. Sounds like you need a system for yourself.
Now, as for the rest of the question. When you meet with your manager, I would be honest to the degree that you understand there have been concerns, but you feel like the case the director has presented against you isn't really accurate or fair. I would ask your manager for feedback and I think it's absolutely fair to ask what has changed since June because your feedback was positive and you've been continuing to try to prove yourself. In the discussion, you should get a clear sense of the problems they see and also the solutions. And after you talk to your manager, follow up after you've had some more time to think about it.
In the meantime, turn up the job search into high gear. Make sure that resume looks good, network as much as you can and get in touch with all your acquaintances/friends/colleagues and let them know you are looking. Apply to jobs as much as you can. The truth is, you can try to fix this situation but it's very hard to change a reputation or perception you already have. Whatever you do probably won't be good enough to make this a great long-term situation. I think you can just make it harder for them to take the step of firing you. At best, you should put off getting canned as long as you can manage to find a new job.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:40 PM on October 10, 2014 [12 favorites]
If I sent you emails asking for stuff and got no response or acknowledgement until the next day on a routine basis, I would find working with you frustrating too. I have had this issue with my subordinates and even if they do deliver in the end, I have spent time wondering why they haven't responded and feeling frustrated. The fact that they sent the thing I asked for eventually and it didn't create some sort of crisis doesn't matter. I felt unsettled because I wasn't sure it was being handled. I need to know they've seen my emails when I am asking for stuff and be reassured it's taken care of so I can worry about other stuff.
As far as the rest of your job, it's hard to know what is preventing you from hitting metrics and productivity. But you may just need to work on prioritizing your workload and budgeting your time better. Even if you lose this job, developing good practices now will absolutely help you for the next one. Sounds like you need a system for yourself.
Now, as for the rest of the question. When you meet with your manager, I would be honest to the degree that you understand there have been concerns, but you feel like the case the director has presented against you isn't really accurate or fair. I would ask your manager for feedback and I think it's absolutely fair to ask what has changed since June because your feedback was positive and you've been continuing to try to prove yourself. In the discussion, you should get a clear sense of the problems they see and also the solutions. And after you talk to your manager, follow up after you've had some more time to think about it.
In the meantime, turn up the job search into high gear. Make sure that resume looks good, network as much as you can and get in touch with all your acquaintances/friends/colleagues and let them know you are looking. Apply to jobs as much as you can. The truth is, you can try to fix this situation but it's very hard to change a reputation or perception you already have. Whatever you do probably won't be good enough to make this a great long-term situation. I think you can just make it harder for them to take the step of firing you. At best, you should put off getting canned as long as you can manage to find a new job.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:40 PM on October 10, 2014 [12 favorites]
Since I don't intend to quit before getting a new job, how do I continue to work productively in this environment?
One thing you can do is respond to any and all emails right away, even if you don't intend to them right away. You just say 'Will do' or 'will get this to you ASAP' or 'will get this to you in the AM' or whatever is the truth (and appropriate), and then follow through.
In our company, 24 hours is a long wait for a response because we're email intensive and have a quick response culture, so if I wait 24 hours I'm essentially saying such and such isn't important - and I might stand behind that - but I think you could do a lot to repair your image by responding immediately and just by exuding some intermittent positivity like 'Marie did a great job with X' or whatever.
Best of luck and hope you get to clear out soon.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:14 AM on October 11, 2014 [6 favorites]
One thing you can do is respond to any and all emails right away, even if you don't intend to them right away. You just say 'Will do' or 'will get this to you ASAP' or 'will get this to you in the AM' or whatever is the truth (and appropriate), and then follow through.
In our company, 24 hours is a long wait for a response because we're email intensive and have a quick response culture, so if I wait 24 hours I'm essentially saying such and such isn't important - and I might stand behind that - but I think you could do a lot to repair your image by responding immediately and just by exuding some intermittent positivity like 'Marie did a great job with X' or whatever.
Best of luck and hope you get to clear out soon.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:14 AM on October 11, 2014 [6 favorites]
Yeah, this is a sucky situation. Sorry. I've totally been there.
There's not an awful lot you can do to turn this around so do your job as well as possible. Be more responsive. Even in day long meetings, answer emails with a short reply, "out of office, I'll review when I return on X" (Even if you have an out-of -office alert.)
If you wanted to keep this job, I'd have a shit-ton of CYA advice for you, but we agree, this is toxic for you and your most important focus is getting a new job. At this point get SUPER aggressive about looking. When I was looking I put in 100 resume/applications. I got interviews and I had a new gig in 3 weeks. But I applied like an idiot. The weird thing is, I was recruited for my current job, I didn't apply for it. The title was completely different than anything I had ever done. I'll admit, it kicks my ass some days, but it's GREAT! I'm challenged, I'm happy.
You can be happy, but now you know there's a time frame on your current gig, so do it as well as you can between 9 to 5. But your #1 priority is to get a new job!
Hang in there. It sucks like a black hole, but you'll be SO happy once you find your new job!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:41 AM on October 11, 2014 [3 favorites]
There's not an awful lot you can do to turn this around so do your job as well as possible. Be more responsive. Even in day long meetings, answer emails with a short reply, "out of office, I'll review when I return on X" (Even if you have an out-of -office alert.)
If you wanted to keep this job, I'd have a shit-ton of CYA advice for you, but we agree, this is toxic for you and your most important focus is getting a new job. At this point get SUPER aggressive about looking. When I was looking I put in 100 resume/applications. I got interviews and I had a new gig in 3 weeks. But I applied like an idiot. The weird thing is, I was recruited for my current job, I didn't apply for it. The title was completely different than anything I had ever done. I'll admit, it kicks my ass some days, but it's GREAT! I'm challenged, I'm happy.
You can be happy, but now you know there's a time frame on your current gig, so do it as well as you can between 9 to 5. But your #1 priority is to get a new job!
Hang in there. It sucks like a black hole, but you'll be SO happy once you find your new job!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:41 AM on October 11, 2014 [3 favorites]
To follow up on A Terrible Llama's advice -- when I was working in an "instant response" type culture, I'd respond to a lot of emails with something like "Looking into it." That would tend to stop escalations and freakouts, and give me time to actually deal with it.
posted by bitterpants at 7:08 AM on October 11, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by bitterpants at 7:08 AM on October 11, 2014 [6 favorites]
She said that since June, I had only completed x tasks. I actually completed twice as many tasks in that time period - still not a high number but her number was incorrect, plus prior to June, I had performed a high number of these tasks.
Regarding my response time, she said that she had asked me for help yesterday and I did not reply quickly enough (I replied about 24 hours later after being in a meeting all day the day that she sent the email).
If I'm understanding correctly, there are at least two issues that your director is busting your chops for unfairly. The first is that she is basing her criticism of your completion of tasks on inaccurate information. In other words, her assessment is factually and demonstrably wrong.
Second, you were in an all-day meeting when she sent the email in question. Presumably, you didn't get it until end of that day or the next morning. Depending on the lag time from when you received it after your meeting, and the time you responded, it may have been only a matter of hours. If that's the case, her grievance isn't merited, unless there has been some clearly-articulated response-time mandate she's issued to you and everyone else.
What I'm leading up to is this: I think you should stand up for yourself with your manager. Not in an angry, defensive way, but just to set the record straight. Tell her in person in your meeting, and then follow up your conversation with an email to your manager, reiterating your conversation, and candy-coating it by stating how you acknowledge the actual things you may have done wrong (if any), and how you intend to improve.
There is no need to take the blame for things you didn't do, or that were out of your control. I know many people will tell you to suck up and make nice, but given the tone of your director's warning speech, I say you have more to gain and little to lose by diplomatically asserting your truth. Please don't absorb the blame for bad management (which I am pretty comfortable saying sounds like your are dealing with, since this came out of the blue to you -- a good manager would've been on top of this and helped guide you through it).
Jobs come and go; there are other, better jobs out there waiting for you when you're ready; jobs where you will be respected and treated fairly.
To hell with this current job and your lame-o director. She doesn't get to decide how you feel about yourself or your inherent worth. That's all you, baby.
Have your own back, and have a great weekend.
posted by nacho fries at 8:28 AM on October 11, 2014 [6 favorites]
Regarding my response time, she said that she had asked me for help yesterday and I did not reply quickly enough (I replied about 24 hours later after being in a meeting all day the day that she sent the email).
If I'm understanding correctly, there are at least two issues that your director is busting your chops for unfairly. The first is that she is basing her criticism of your completion of tasks on inaccurate information. In other words, her assessment is factually and demonstrably wrong.
Second, you were in an all-day meeting when she sent the email in question. Presumably, you didn't get it until end of that day or the next morning. Depending on the lag time from when you received it after your meeting, and the time you responded, it may have been only a matter of hours. If that's the case, her grievance isn't merited, unless there has been some clearly-articulated response-time mandate she's issued to you and everyone else.
What I'm leading up to is this: I think you should stand up for yourself with your manager. Not in an angry, defensive way, but just to set the record straight. Tell her in person in your meeting, and then follow up your conversation with an email to your manager, reiterating your conversation, and candy-coating it by stating how you acknowledge the actual things you may have done wrong (if any), and how you intend to improve.
There is no need to take the blame for things you didn't do, or that were out of your control. I know many people will tell you to suck up and make nice, but given the tone of your director's warning speech, I say you have more to gain and little to lose by diplomatically asserting your truth. Please don't absorb the blame for bad management (which I am pretty comfortable saying sounds like your are dealing with, since this came out of the blue to you -- a good manager would've been on top of this and helped guide you through it).
Jobs come and go; there are other, better jobs out there waiting for you when you're ready; jobs where you will be respected and treated fairly.
To hell with this current job and your lame-o director. She doesn't get to decide how you feel about yourself or your inherent worth. That's all you, baby.
Have your own back, and have a great weekend.
posted by nacho fries at 8:28 AM on October 11, 2014 [6 favorites]
First, you may want to take this over to askamanager.org
Second: it sure seems like there's a lot of this going around, recently.
Third: this raised a red flag for me:
When you talk to your manager, I would point out the errors in your director's information, although that is unlikely to turn everything around. If you have a good relationship with your manager, you might express your surprise at events and see if they will level with you and just tell you what is going on. (They may not do this, or they may give you an inaccurate account of things, but it's worth a shot. Note that it might be unpleasant to hear what they have to say).
All that said, I think your primary focus here needs to be discussing your Performance Improvement Plan, aka PIP. In short, your mgmt needs to give you a set of measurable goals by which you may redeem yourself. You want it in writing. If they won't give you this, or insist that it be verbal, or they handwave you some vague bullshit goals, or give you impossible goals - then you know they're railroading you.
I wish you the best on this. Hopefully you'll find some time to relax and pull yourself together this weekend. Oh, yeah, in case you wondered: your director sucks. Seriously: there's a right way to do this kind of thing, but she's not following it.
Last thing: get to work early on Monday and corner your manager and either talk about this first thing or get them to agree to meet with you later that day. "Why yes, I can meet with you at 6:30 tonight". And arrive early.
posted by doctor tough love at 9:08 AM on October 11, 2014 [7 favorites]
Second: it sure seems like there's a lot of this going around, recently.
Third: this raised a red flag for me:
My director said that I would need to show improvement by early spring or we would be discussing my exit strategy (not that clearly and not in those words but that's what I inferred). I asked if there was anything/ that I could do or that she needed to see to know that I was making a good faith effort. She said that we are past that.Is she saying that you need to show improvement ... But you're past being able to show improvement?
When you talk to your manager, I would point out the errors in your director's information, although that is unlikely to turn everything around. If you have a good relationship with your manager, you might express your surprise at events and see if they will level with you and just tell you what is going on. (They may not do this, or they may give you an inaccurate account of things, but it's worth a shot. Note that it might be unpleasant to hear what they have to say).
All that said, I think your primary focus here needs to be discussing your Performance Improvement Plan, aka PIP. In short, your mgmt needs to give you a set of measurable goals by which you may redeem yourself. You want it in writing. If they won't give you this, or insist that it be verbal, or they handwave you some vague bullshit goals, or give you impossible goals - then you know they're railroading you.
I wish you the best on this. Hopefully you'll find some time to relax and pull yourself together this weekend. Oh, yeah, in case you wondered: your director sucks. Seriously: there's a right way to do this kind of thing, but she's not following it.
Last thing: get to work early on Monday and corner your manager and either talk about this first thing or get them to agree to meet with you later that day. "Why yes, I can meet with you at 6:30 tonight". And arrive early.
posted by doctor tough love at 9:08 AM on October 11, 2014 [7 favorites]
...hmm, at the very least, if sounds like your understanding of what your director wants in terms of behavior is off.
I'm just wondering - if you had asked her what the protocol should be to respond to email if you were in a meeting all day, would she have said "wait till the next day?", or would it be something like she expected an acknowledgement during breaktime at that meeting, or that she wanted you to respond during the meeting by stepping out because the nature of it was important enough to her?
If sounds like you guessed what the appropriate response was (waiting until the next day), but were wrong. Which is totally normal. I imagine your director might think that there was some sort of break time, and that folks check in at that point. Or perhaps, if possible, that you can log into email that evening and check in (which is working off the clock depended on your job status, but there it is). By the way, all of this is moot if you actually can't check your email when you are off site.
But I might use this as an example, and just ask your director what the expected response is in situations like this. Even sending an email like "got it, checking into it" might not cover it, because they may still want a response in the moment. It might be worth finding out, just so the next four months don't suck.
By the way, as a supervisor of staff, she's not great. The first time this happened, there should have been a conversation that clearly stated: you waited 24 hours, what I want is for you to acknowledge receipt of the email - I don't care if you're in a meeting. Check in regularly. To not explicitly redirect you in this way means she's fine with telling what she doesn't want, but not forthcoming with specifics about what she does want, which puts you in the position of mindreader/person who keeps having to guess. Regardless of what you did or did not do, the ability to set expectations and give effective feedback should a skill that all folks responsible for staff should have. Your manager and director do not.
posted by anitanita at 9:29 AM on October 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
I'm just wondering - if you had asked her what the protocol should be to respond to email if you were in a meeting all day, would she have said "wait till the next day?", or would it be something like she expected an acknowledgement during breaktime at that meeting, or that she wanted you to respond during the meeting by stepping out because the nature of it was important enough to her?
If sounds like you guessed what the appropriate response was (waiting until the next day), but were wrong. Which is totally normal. I imagine your director might think that there was some sort of break time, and that folks check in at that point. Or perhaps, if possible, that you can log into email that evening and check in (which is working off the clock depended on your job status, but there it is). By the way, all of this is moot if you actually can't check your email when you are off site.
But I might use this as an example, and just ask your director what the expected response is in situations like this. Even sending an email like "got it, checking into it" might not cover it, because they may still want a response in the moment. It might be worth finding out, just so the next four months don't suck.
By the way, as a supervisor of staff, she's not great. The first time this happened, there should have been a conversation that clearly stated: you waited 24 hours, what I want is for you to acknowledge receipt of the email - I don't care if you're in a meeting. Check in regularly. To not explicitly redirect you in this way means she's fine with telling what she doesn't want, but not forthcoming with specifics about what she does want, which puts you in the position of mindreader/person who keeps having to guess. Regardless of what you did or did not do, the ability to set expectations and give effective feedback should a skill that all folks responsible for staff should have. Your manager and director do not.
posted by anitanita at 9:29 AM on October 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
Just following up on some of the other replies here... Everyone in my office (and previous offices) replies to emails during meetings. This is normal. Rarely, there are meetings you shouldn't do that in. But in routine meetings you have regularly for you job? Yes, you should respond to email during a lull or a part of the meeting that isn't pertinent to you. (I have rarely been to a meeting that actually mattered for me.) Look around at your next meeting. Do your co-workers bring laptops into their meetings and type on them? Do they bring their phones and use them during meetings? Your co-workers are responding to emails during meetings. Please do not ask, "Well, what do I do if someone emails me while I am in a meeting?" You will embarrass yourself. Will you have to time to fulfill a request for work during a meeting? No. But you will have time to read the request to make sure you understand it and reply to set expectations for when they can expect the request to be fulfilled. "I'm in a strategic planning meeting all day today, but I will look this over in the morning." Then mark the email unread, star it, flag it, add it to your tasks, add it to your calendar or whatever your system is and make sure you do it in the morning.
I will say the email response time is relatively low-level in the scheme of wanting to fire someone, but high in the annoyance department. I've talked to subordinates about it and been genuinely angry that they were not responding to my emails and leaving me hanging. If I reached a point where I had to be like, "Hey, did you get this?," I was already mad because that shouldn't happen more than the rare instance where an email gets buried in your inbox. I wouldn't fire them over it, but if I had decided I wanted to fire them overall, I'd certainly include it as a reason. I'm guessing work flow issues are the bigger deal -- there's some sort of perception that has unfortunately been attached to you -- but email response time is a very easy way to immediately start showing you are engaged, on top of things and working actively rather than passively.
One other word of advice that I don't think will help in this current job because they already see your work as sub-par, but next time: Under-promise and over-deliver. That is the key. Be super responsive whilst giving yourself the buffer to exceed the expectations you have set up. It works like a charm.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:52 AM on October 11, 2014
I will say the email response time is relatively low-level in the scheme of wanting to fire someone, but high in the annoyance department. I've talked to subordinates about it and been genuinely angry that they were not responding to my emails and leaving me hanging. If I reached a point where I had to be like, "Hey, did you get this?," I was already mad because that shouldn't happen more than the rare instance where an email gets buried in your inbox. I wouldn't fire them over it, but if I had decided I wanted to fire them overall, I'd certainly include it as a reason. I'm guessing work flow issues are the bigger deal -- there's some sort of perception that has unfortunately been attached to you -- but email response time is a very easy way to immediately start showing you are engaged, on top of things and working actively rather than passively.
One other word of advice that I don't think will help in this current job because they already see your work as sub-par, but next time: Under-promise and over-deliver. That is the key. Be super responsive whilst giving yourself the buffer to exceed the expectations you have set up. It works like a charm.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:52 AM on October 11, 2014
For the record: the behavior that AppleTurnover describes as "normal" in her office is considered rude, disrespectful, even "career-limiting" in other offices. That kat518 might be one of those people who actually sits and pays attention during a meeting is not something that I'm going to chastise her - I'm assuming "her" - about.
Frankly, the entire "email response time" thing is bullshit. kat518 has apparently been working at this place for at least a couple of years. It's possible that she missed a memo or an announcement (in which case a gentle "kat518, did you see the memo about our policy on email?" would have sufficed), but otherwise, I'd guess that she's been answering email pretty much in accord with the norm of her office culture. Sure, it won't hurt if she tries to be more speedy in the future. But for purposes of this discussion, I'm going to assume that she's not being intentionally disingenuous and lying by omission.
posted by doctor tough love at 8:56 AM on October 12, 2014 [6 favorites]
Frankly, the entire "email response time" thing is bullshit. kat518 has apparently been working at this place for at least a couple of years. It's possible that she missed a memo or an announcement (in which case a gentle "kat518, did you see the memo about our policy on email?" would have sufficed), but otherwise, I'd guess that she's been answering email pretty much in accord with the norm of her office culture. Sure, it won't hurt if she tries to be more speedy in the future. But for purposes of this discussion, I'm going to assume that she's not being intentionally disingenuous and lying by omission.
posted by doctor tough love at 8:56 AM on October 12, 2014 [6 favorites]
Well, it's normal in every office I've worked at, which is several. And it clearly is a problem if she was told by a high-level supervisor that she waited too long to respond to an email while she was in a meeting. A little common sense goes a long way -- don't respond to emails when someone is speaking to you or speaking about your responsibilities. Do it when something is happening that doesn't pertain to you.
posted by AppleTurnover at 12:33 PM on October 12, 2014
posted by AppleTurnover at 12:33 PM on October 12, 2014
Response by poster: Hi all, thank you for your feedback. It just feels like all of a sudden, my director *really* doesn't like me. After this meeting, I emailed her about something that might be coming our way and her response was to ask why I even know about this thing because being involved with it was never officially assigned to me as one of my responsibilities. I worried about what to reply, then worried that I wasn't replying quickly enough. I've been checking my email all weekend on the off-chance that something comes up. I have no idea if that's even what I'm supposed to be doing but it doesn't take long and it's an easy thing I can do to try to keep the peace, at least temporarily.
Speaking of email, yes, I should have responded to say that I received it and ask what her time frame was. I was just bothered because we talked about this specific example and she said that she had asked for something by the end of the day, which was not the case. I thought of replying to the email after the meeting to say that there was no deadline in the email but I don't think that doing that would help my situation.
This was especially helpful:
Their criticism may well be them trying to beat down your sense of self-worth as a tactic. Please try and remember that what they say isn't based in truth -- it's only about serving their own interests. Please hold on to the knowledge that this job does not define your identity or you value as a person.
I don't think that they are trying to make me feel badly about myself but regardless, I do. I've had major depression and anxiety for years and I'm struggling to manage. Sometimes it feels more crushing than other times and I feel my brain headed for The Dark Place. When I start feeling badly about this situation, I try to reframe it in my head as feeling disappointed that my director and manager don't value my work. It's too bad that they do not recognize my contributions but I'm proud of my accomplishments in this position and I'm going to continue trying to leave the organization in a better position for as long as I am an employee. My director and manager may not notice but it will make me feel proud of myself.
I absolutely am not a perfect employee. There are definitely things that I can do better and I will try to do them better for as long as I am employed at my organization, and in the future at my next organization. But over the last year, I've accomplished two big projects, one as part of a team and the other was nearly all my doing, plus I've done a lot of other things. I thought back to March when I had my crappy review and how that seemed like it was out of the blue and unfair. It's unfortunate but clear that that is just how it is with this employer so I'm going to work on getting out of there.
Possibly a stupid question but in case it comes up, if I'm told that I'm being let go, is there any reason to asking whether I can choose to resign instead? That would make me generally ineligible for unemployment, correct?
posted by kat518 at 7:36 PM on October 12, 2014
Speaking of email, yes, I should have responded to say that I received it and ask what her time frame was. I was just bothered because we talked about this specific example and she said that she had asked for something by the end of the day, which was not the case. I thought of replying to the email after the meeting to say that there was no deadline in the email but I don't think that doing that would help my situation.
This was especially helpful:
Their criticism may well be them trying to beat down your sense of self-worth as a tactic. Please try and remember that what they say isn't based in truth -- it's only about serving their own interests. Please hold on to the knowledge that this job does not define your identity or you value as a person.
I don't think that they are trying to make me feel badly about myself but regardless, I do. I've had major depression and anxiety for years and I'm struggling to manage. Sometimes it feels more crushing than other times and I feel my brain headed for The Dark Place. When I start feeling badly about this situation, I try to reframe it in my head as feeling disappointed that my director and manager don't value my work. It's too bad that they do not recognize my contributions but I'm proud of my accomplishments in this position and I'm going to continue trying to leave the organization in a better position for as long as I am an employee. My director and manager may not notice but it will make me feel proud of myself.
I absolutely am not a perfect employee. There are definitely things that I can do better and I will try to do them better for as long as I am employed at my organization, and in the future at my next organization. But over the last year, I've accomplished two big projects, one as part of a team and the other was nearly all my doing, plus I've done a lot of other things. I thought back to March when I had my crappy review and how that seemed like it was out of the blue and unfair. It's unfortunate but clear that that is just how it is with this employer so I'm going to work on getting out of there.
Possibly a stupid question but in case it comes up, if I'm told that I'm being let go, is there any reason to asking whether I can choose to resign instead? That would make me generally ineligible for unemployment, correct?
posted by kat518 at 7:36 PM on October 12, 2014
Yes, in general, if you resign / quit, you won't be eligible for unemployment benefits. If you've got another job lined up, then resigning is okay (although you may have some small negotiating power over the kind of reference your ex-employer gives you)(although that may not matter to you). Really, I would again refer you to askamanager.org; search the archives. There are some subtleties to it which may or may not apply in your situation, and I don't feel confident that I can accurately summarize them here.
Oh, and: best of luck with this!
posted by doctor tough love at 7:16 AM on October 13, 2014
Oh, and: best of luck with this!
posted by doctor tough love at 7:16 AM on October 13, 2014
Being in a job where you aren't appreciated can definitely make you feel crappy, even if you are sure they are the ones who have the problem or are wrong. I think everyone has at some point had a job that "isn't working out" for some reason, and it's a stressful situation that can affect your self confidence. The thing is, there's a job out there you will be great at. Your director sounds like a bit of an ass, to be honest, so remember it's more about her being an ass than you being a horrible employee. I think the way you re-frame it is correct -- it's too bad that they don't recognize the value you bring and are getting hung up on other small stuff unfairly. Honestly, just focus on applying for new jobs and the value you can bring to another organization. You shouldn't have to feel the way you do and your energy will be best spent getting out of there. Try to develop better work habits at your current job for your next one.
And I don't see any reason why resigning would preferable if it does come to getting fired -- it would be disingenuous since they would have approved firing you by then and they probably aren't going to be references for you whether you get "fired" or "resign." And you should try to qualify for unemployment benefits if you can, which you can't do when you resign unless you resigned over a hostile work environment. Depending which state you live in, find out if you can collect unemployment after being fired.
posted by AppleTurnover at 9:33 AM on October 13, 2014
And I don't see any reason why resigning would preferable if it does come to getting fired -- it would be disingenuous since they would have approved firing you by then and they probably aren't going to be references for you whether you get "fired" or "resign." And you should try to qualify for unemployment benefits if you can, which you can't do when you resign unless you resigned over a hostile work environment. Depending which state you live in, find out if you can collect unemployment after being fired.
posted by AppleTurnover at 9:33 AM on October 13, 2014
It just feels like all of a sudden, my director *really* doesn't like me. After this meeting, I emailed her about something that might be coming our way and her response was to ask why I even know about this thing because being involved with it was never officially assigned to me as one of my responsibilities.
You know this, certainly, but just a reminder: she could have shit going on in her life that has zero to do with you and it may be making her awful. If you want to respond to her you could say something to the effect that you're trying to be proactive/stay on top of things, etc.
Also, it sucks that you're struggling with anxiety and depression through this so another thing to remember is that some people are just assholes.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 1:57 PM on October 13, 2014
You know this, certainly, but just a reminder: she could have shit going on in her life that has zero to do with you and it may be making her awful. If you want to respond to her you could say something to the effect that you're trying to be proactive/stay on top of things, etc.
Also, it sucks that you're struggling with anxiety and depression through this so another thing to remember is that some people are just assholes.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 1:57 PM on October 13, 2014
This thread is closed to new comments.
I'm really sorry, that sounds unfair and sucks.
Sending you all the waves of good luck in your job search that I can tonight, should get to you shortly.
posted by Cosine at 10:02 PM on October 10, 2014 [6 favorites]