Overcoming fear of confrontation?
October 7, 2014 6:05 AM Subscribe
Hey guys,
I have a university graduation coming up soon and am contemplating not going. Of course my parents and relatives want me to attend. The reason I don't want to go is that I had a serious falling out with a friend who was in the class and we do not speak anymore.
The thing is, I am really bad with confrontation. I mean, I will avoid an awkward situation if my life depended on it, or physical confrontation etc. I recently saw a past love interest in a store and immediately bolted. Is anyone else like that? I am sure everyone is like this to a certain extent, I just wish I had the balls to actually just be a man and not care. Confront whatever situation has to offer.
So in the case of the graduation, I do not want to have the awkwardness of me and my ex-friend being there, not talking to each other in the same group.
Not a massive issue really but something nonetheless!
The thing is, I am really bad with confrontation. I mean, I will avoid an awkward situation if my life depended on it, or physical confrontation etc. I recently saw a past love interest in a store and immediately bolted. Is anyone else like that? I am sure everyone is like this to a certain extent, I just wish I had the balls to actually just be a man and not care. Confront whatever situation has to offer.
So in the case of the graduation, I do not want to have the awkwardness of me and my ex-friend being there, not talking to each other in the same group.
Not a massive issue really but something nonetheless!
I think you will regret not going. This is a big milestone in your life. It's also a chance to face your fear of confrontation. Unless you think there is going to be a disruption (e.g. the person starts a fistfight), I would go. If your ex-friend approaches you, just walk away. There will be tons of other people there, including your friends and family who support you. You won't have to interact with this person at all.
posted by desjardins at 6:19 AM on October 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by desjardins at 6:19 AM on October 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
Go --- you probably won't see ex-friend again after graduation day, but you WILL see your family, and they'll be permanently disappointed if you skip out. Go and simply ignore this person.
posted by easily confused at 6:19 AM on October 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by easily confused at 6:19 AM on October 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
I didn't want to go to my graduation because the ceremony was going to be boring and I deal really badly with goodbyes, but my family and friends wanted me to go. I went. The ceremony was really boring. I dealt badly with goodbyes. However, it was just one day, it was nice to see my friends and I think my family enjoyed it, so I have no regrets.
I think that there are longer term things that you might want to be doing about a fear of confrontation, but in the short term the mantra of "this is all going to be over in a few hours" is what you're looking for.
posted by Vortisaur at 6:25 AM on October 7, 2014 [4 favorites]
I think that there are longer term things that you might want to be doing about a fear of confrontation, but in the short term the mantra of "this is all going to be over in a few hours" is what you're looking for.
posted by Vortisaur at 6:25 AM on October 7, 2014 [4 favorites]
At my two graduations, I hardly interacted with my friends because everyone's families were there with them. That was everyone's focus. Then everyone rushes off to get to their restaurant reservations.
I, too, think you'll regret not going. If you encounter an awkward situation with this person, just say, "Well! Best of luck!" and physically move on.
posted by jgirl at 6:36 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
I, too, think you'll regret not going. If you encounter an awkward situation with this person, just say, "Well! Best of luck!" and physically move on.
posted by jgirl at 6:36 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
20 years from now, saying, "I didn't go to my college graduation because I had a falling out with one out of hundreds (thousands?) of classmates and wanted to avoid the chance I would see him" is going to sound really silly. Everyone is going to be dealing with their families, anyway.
posted by deanc at 6:37 AM on October 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by deanc at 6:37 AM on October 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
Go. And if you see your ex-friend, say congratulations, smile warmly, and move on.
posted by xingcat at 6:50 AM on October 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by xingcat at 6:50 AM on October 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
I didn't go to either of my graduations. Large part of the reason for that was that no-one in my family was interested. It's not a major source of regret, but I know I missed out on something that counts as a big event in other people's lives.
So, you should go. Never mind your ex-friend. If you see them, no big deal. But you can probably avoid them without trying too hard, it will be a big crowd & you'll be with people you love & who are there for you.
posted by rd45 at 6:58 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
So, you should go. Never mind your ex-friend. If you see them, no big deal. But you can probably avoid them without trying too hard, it will be a big crowd & you'll be with people you love & who are there for you.
posted by rd45 at 6:58 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
I finished up all but one class in December and graduated in May. By graduation I'd already had a short-term corporate job and tried to start a business, and since I'd taken a little longer to graduate, wasn't going to be with the people who I'd spent most of my college time with.
Long story short, I didn't want to go, didn't feel like hassling with it.
My mom begged me to go to the ceremony (-ies), if not for myself, for my parents and grandparents. Being an idiot 23 year old, I only reluctantly agreed.
What grandparents I have left, sixteen years later, still talk about how proud they were to be there. (even more than the cousin who graduated from med school two years later!)
So go. For all the people who have supported you in your life. Take a xanax or a flask to calm your nerves if you have to. To hell with the ex-friend - you may not even see them!
posted by notsnot at 7:19 AM on October 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
Long story short, I didn't want to go, didn't feel like hassling with it.
My mom begged me to go to the ceremony (-ies), if not for myself, for my parents and grandparents. Being an idiot 23 year old, I only reluctantly agreed.
What grandparents I have left, sixteen years later, still talk about how proud they were to be there. (even more than the cousin who graduated from med school two years later!)
So go. For all the people who have supported you in your life. Take a xanax or a flask to calm your nerves if you have to. To hell with the ex-friend - you may not even see them!
posted by notsnot at 7:19 AM on October 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
Go for your friends and loved ones and those who truly loved and supported you through your education and are proud of you. Let them congratulate you, hug you, take photos, and generally love on you.
It's going to be fine! I promise!
I'm going to assume that your graduating class is larger than two, and less than a million, so your chances of running into your ex-friend is small.
Focus on yourself, focus on being busy, focus on having fun with your friends and loved ones, and your time will fly and you'll be glad you did this, years from now, when you look at your photo album and see how happy everyone was.
And I do mean EVERYONE, including you!
Congratulations, Mazel Tov, and Excelsior!
posted by John Kennedy Toole Box at 7:23 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
It's going to be fine! I promise!
I'm going to assume that your graduating class is larger than two, and less than a million, so your chances of running into your ex-friend is small.
Focus on yourself, focus on being busy, focus on having fun with your friends and loved ones, and your time will fly and you'll be glad you did this, years from now, when you look at your photo album and see how happy everyone was.
And I do mean EVERYONE, including you!
Congratulations, Mazel Tov, and Excelsior!
posted by John Kennedy Toole Box at 7:23 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
In 10 years, you will not remember this friend. In 10 years, you will remember your graduation.
posted by DarlingBri at 7:55 AM on October 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by DarlingBri at 7:55 AM on October 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Not going is selfishly choosing to indulge and reinforce a weakness you would like to overcome.
There's no magic trick here. You overcome this personality flaw by choosing, eyes-wide-open, to go. You have nothing to fear but your own fears. Stop sabotaging yourself. Turn it off. Go.
You'll be proud that you combined a public graduation with a private victory over your irrational fears. You may not care--20 years down the road--whether or not you attended your graduation ceremony, but you will regret never rising above your insecurities. This is your opportunity.
posted by General Tonic at 8:07 AM on October 7, 2014 [12 favorites]
There's no magic trick here. You overcome this personality flaw by choosing, eyes-wide-open, to go. You have nothing to fear but your own fears. Stop sabotaging yourself. Turn it off. Go.
You'll be proud that you combined a public graduation with a private victory over your irrational fears. You may not care--20 years down the road--whether or not you attended your graduation ceremony, but you will regret never rising above your insecurities. This is your opportunity.
posted by General Tonic at 8:07 AM on October 7, 2014 [12 favorites]
I didn't want to go to any of my graduation ceremonies, for any number of reasons.
But I'm glad I did, for reasons that are too numerous to count. Bask in your glory, because you don't get many moments like it in your life.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:38 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
But I'm glad I did, for reasons that are too numerous to count. Bask in your glory, because you don't get many moments like it in your life.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:38 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
I am like you, but it's become important to me to face these fears so that the situations don't become bigger and scarier. I usually prepare a little thing I will say to the person who I feel awkward about, like: "Hey! Congratulations! Good to see you!", and somehow that makes me feel more able to deal. You will totally live through it and feel stronger, even if you have to see the person.
posted by zem at 8:50 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by zem at 8:50 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Is it possble to arrange the "confrontation" to happen before graduation so that part of it is over? I know you feel anxious about it, but it'll likely be a non-deal. See if you can run into your ex-friend, make eye contact, nod and move on. If your ex-friend does want to confront you this would be his chance. It's entirely likely that he doesn't want to talk to you, so if you're both just politely ignoring each other then there should be no drama.
posted by MadMadam at 8:59 AM on October 7, 2014
posted by MadMadam at 8:59 AM on October 7, 2014
I didn't go to my graduation. I have no lingering regret. Don't feel obligated to go to a boring ceremony.
posted by squinty at 9:02 AM on October 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by squinty at 9:02 AM on October 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
I went to my undergrad ceremony, mostly to support my sister, who was on crutches. What a freaking yawn.
BUT, if the only thing keeping you is the worry that you might run into someone...it won't happen. It's much too crowded, much to hectic and frankly, rather a chaotic event in general.
You will sit through boring speeches, and roast in the sun, and feel a complete fool in cap and gown. On hard, uncomfortable folding chairs. Someone may bring a bottle. Good for them!
If you want to go...go.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:17 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
BUT, if the only thing keeping you is the worry that you might run into someone...it won't happen. It's much too crowded, much to hectic and frankly, rather a chaotic event in general.
You will sit through boring speeches, and roast in the sun, and feel a complete fool in cap and gown. On hard, uncomfortable folding chairs. Someone may bring a bottle. Good for them!
If you want to go...go.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:17 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
What is it you're worried about? Confrontation and not engaging in conversation are two very different things and yet you seem overly concerned about both at the same time. If someone ignores you, walk away; if someone disses you, walk away.
You seem to recognize you're playing into something you'd rather overcome, so take this opportunity to use the ceremony as a thing beyond scholarly recognition: You are now graduating into proper adulthood, where you shrug off "awkward" instead of cowering.
This isn't about whether the ceremony will be entertaining or not. Don't surrender what you have earned because of some social nonsense.
posted by sageleaf at 9:24 AM on October 7, 2014
You seem to recognize you're playing into something you'd rather overcome, so take this opportunity to use the ceremony as a thing beyond scholarly recognition: You are now graduating into proper adulthood, where you shrug off "awkward" instead of cowering.
This isn't about whether the ceremony will be entertaining or not. Don't surrender what you have earned because of some social nonsense.
posted by sageleaf at 9:24 AM on October 7, 2014
I just wish I had the balls to actually just be a man and not care.
Like Cool Papa Bell said, balls are a muscle!
The more you use them, the more they grow, figuratively speaking.
Baby steps, Bob!
Thankfully, not literally, because EW. And OW.
posted by John Kennedy Toole Box at 9:30 AM on October 7, 2014
Like Cool Papa Bell said, balls are a muscle!
The more you use them, the more they grow, figuratively speaking.
Baby steps, Bob!
Thankfully, not literally, because EW. And OW.
posted by John Kennedy Toole Box at 9:30 AM on October 7, 2014
I think this is a silly reason to not go if you otherwise want to go. This person will be easily avoided. If there is a friend you have that you can go with and talk with/hang out with the whole time it might be easier for you. And it's important to your family and that matters a lot.
That said, though, I didn't go to my grad school graduation and don't regret it at all, nor do I feel like I missed out on something important. I did go to my undergrad graduation and I barely remember it and what I do remember is that it was hot and boring, but fun because I was with friends. The day would have been equally meaningful and fun for me if my friends and I had hung out somewhere else instead. If ceremonies and whatnot are not a big deal to you then they're not a big deal, and that's okay (I also am not really into birthdays/holidays/anniversaries -- I'm not against them, but they're not especially important to me). If celebrations like that are important to you, then go with people you like and enjoy the day.
posted by brainmouse at 10:16 AM on October 7, 2014
That said, though, I didn't go to my grad school graduation and don't regret it at all, nor do I feel like I missed out on something important. I did go to my undergrad graduation and I barely remember it and what I do remember is that it was hot and boring, but fun because I was with friends. The day would have been equally meaningful and fun for me if my friends and I had hung out somewhere else instead. If ceremonies and whatnot are not a big deal to you then they're not a big deal, and that's okay (I also am not really into birthdays/holidays/anniversaries -- I'm not against them, but they're not especially important to me). If celebrations like that are important to you, then go with people you like and enjoy the day.
posted by brainmouse at 10:16 AM on October 7, 2014
Go. Not for you, but for your family.
My siblings and I have been doing a fair bit of graduating lately (3 undergrads, 2 master's degrees, an MD and a JD between us in the last decade or so). I am not super into my own graduations: they are boring and I get uncomfortable being the center of my family's attention (however loving). But I have LOVED LOVED LOVED going to my sister's graduations. They are so smart and I am so proud of their achievements and it's fun getting to visit the place where they spent so much time learning and growing -- even if the ceremony/ies are boring. Our immediate family is pretty spread out right now, and it is great to have a reason to all congregate in the same city to celebrate one of our own.
In my experience with graduations, it's not like you will have a ton of time to interact with your classmates anyways. They will have their own families to wrangle, and at best maybe you'll get a quick introduction and a hug before they have to run off. It won't be hard to avoid your ex-friend at all, and even if you do see them, you can blow them off pretty easily with a quick "Congratulations, gotta run!"
If your question had been about a falling out with one of your family members, my answer might have been different. But you can easily avoid this friend, and if your family is anything like mine they really want the chance to celebrate this with you and this is a great gift that you can give them.
Congratulations!
posted by sparklemotion at 10:31 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
My siblings and I have been doing a fair bit of graduating lately (3 undergrads, 2 master's degrees, an MD and a JD between us in the last decade or so). I am not super into my own graduations: they are boring and I get uncomfortable being the center of my family's attention (however loving). But I have LOVED LOVED LOVED going to my sister's graduations. They are so smart and I am so proud of their achievements and it's fun getting to visit the place where they spent so much time learning and growing -- even if the ceremony/ies are boring. Our immediate family is pretty spread out right now, and it is great to have a reason to all congregate in the same city to celebrate one of our own.
In my experience with graduations, it's not like you will have a ton of time to interact with your classmates anyways. They will have their own families to wrangle, and at best maybe you'll get a quick introduction and a hug before they have to run off. It won't be hard to avoid your ex-friend at all, and even if you do see them, you can blow them off pretty easily with a quick "Congratulations, gotta run!"
If your question had been about a falling out with one of your family members, my answer might have been different. But you can easily avoid this friend, and if your family is anything like mine they really want the chance to celebrate this with you and this is a great gift that you can give them.
Congratulations!
posted by sparklemotion at 10:31 AM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
I didn't walk in my college graduation and am generally a fan of not bothering with that sort of thing.
But to not do so because another student in your year is someone you don't get along with? Screw that.
Unless you are certain that you'll be forced to interact with this person, I honestly wouldn't worry about it. University graduations are large affairs, with potentially thousands of participants. Unless this person's name is next to yours in the alphabet, or you're the only two graduates in your program, you can safely assume you won't even see them on the day.
posted by Sara C. at 11:08 AM on October 7, 2014
But to not do so because another student in your year is someone you don't get along with? Screw that.
Unless you are certain that you'll be forced to interact with this person, I honestly wouldn't worry about it. University graduations are large affairs, with potentially thousands of participants. Unless this person's name is next to yours in the alphabet, or you're the only two graduates in your program, you can safely assume you won't even see them on the day.
posted by Sara C. at 11:08 AM on October 7, 2014
not talking to each other in the same group
As others have pointed out, you don't really talk with people during the graduation ceremony, unless you are sitting next to them.
I'm guessing by "class", you mean a smaller program or major, and that there's a good chance you will end up sitting next to this person.
You should still go. They don't talk with you? Fine, you can sit in silence during the ceremony like you are supposed to. They are very unlikely to confront you while you are sitting and waiting to receive your degrees. Just go, you can do this!
posted by yohko at 11:24 AM on October 7, 2014
As others have pointed out, you don't really talk with people during the graduation ceremony, unless you are sitting next to them.
I'm guessing by "class", you mean a smaller program or major, and that there's a good chance you will end up sitting next to this person.
You should still go. They don't talk with you? Fine, you can sit in silence during the ceremony like you are supposed to. They are very unlikely to confront you while you are sitting and waiting to receive your degrees. Just go, you can do this!
posted by yohko at 11:24 AM on October 7, 2014
I just wish I had the balls to actually just be a man and not care.
OK, here's part of the trick: don't care whether you are a man. (Note also: the testicle metaphor is among other things a creepy form of self-shaming.) Just ... don't care about whether you care or not.
I have felt awkward for probably twice your lifetime, young sir, and the way to get past it is to feel OK about feeling awkward. If awkwardness happens, or if worry-about-awkwardness happens, just kind of notice it. "Huh. So this is what awkwardness feels like." You may think you already know what it feels like, but if you were a telepathic observer suddenly dropped into this graduating-student body, what exactly are the physical symptoms you would discover? Butterflies? Where? Tension? Where? Can you make that muscle go tighter and looser and tighter again? Temperature variation? How might these temperature sensations appear if color-coded? etc.
As everyone has been saying, it won't be about you. Do it for your family. Keep a magic charm in your pocket, or a catchy song in your heart, and vow to award yourself a private medal for endurance. Actually, let's make that last one more concrete: plan some self-indulgent thing you're going to do/buy at some point in the near future, so you can distract yourself, in the present moment, by focusing on your reward.
posted by feral_goldfish at 11:58 AM on October 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
OK, here's part of the trick: don't care whether you are a man. (Note also: the testicle metaphor is among other things a creepy form of self-shaming.) Just ... don't care about whether you care or not.
I have felt awkward for probably twice your lifetime, young sir, and the way to get past it is to feel OK about feeling awkward. If awkwardness happens, or if worry-about-awkwardness happens, just kind of notice it. "Huh. So this is what awkwardness feels like." You may think you already know what it feels like, but if you were a telepathic observer suddenly dropped into this graduating-student body, what exactly are the physical symptoms you would discover? Butterflies? Where? Tension? Where? Can you make that muscle go tighter and looser and tighter again? Temperature variation? How might these temperature sensations appear if color-coded? etc.
As everyone has been saying, it won't be about you. Do it for your family. Keep a magic charm in your pocket, or a catchy song in your heart, and vow to award yourself a private medal for endurance. Actually, let's make that last one more concrete: plan some self-indulgent thing you're going to do/buy at some point in the near future, so you can distract yourself, in the present moment, by focusing on your reward.
posted by feral_goldfish at 11:58 AM on October 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
First of all, there are plenty of good reasons to skip your graduation ceremony, but this is not one of them. If you would be happy to go celebrate this occasion if you hadn't had the fight with your friend, then you should still go and enjoy this moment with your family.
Second, one of the most important adult skills you need to develop is being polite/cordial in public situations involving people you don't like or are fighting with. Suck it up, and if you see your ex-friend, have a brief polite conversation if it's natural to do so, like you would with a mere acquaintance. Know that it's not the time for your personal issues with each other, and just don't engage on anything but a very superficial level.
posted by ktkt at 1:14 PM on October 7, 2014 [4 favorites]
Second, one of the most important adult skills you need to develop is being polite/cordial in public situations involving people you don't like or are fighting with. Suck it up, and if you see your ex-friend, have a brief polite conversation if it's natural to do so, like you would with a mere acquaintance. Know that it's not the time for your personal issues with each other, and just don't engage on anything but a very superficial level.
posted by ktkt at 1:14 PM on October 7, 2014 [4 favorites]
Data point of one: I didn't go to my college graduation and did not regret it. (I did go to my grad school graduations and enjoyed those.)
However, if your ex-friend weren't going to be there, would you want to go? If so, then take a staged approach:
1. Go to the event, focus on spending time with your family and your friends, avoid the ex-friend. As others have said, graduations are hectic times--unless you have a teeny tiny graduating class, it will be pretty easy to avoid the ex.
2. Moving forward, tackle the issue of confrontation using baby steps; don't dive into the deep end on the first try. Interrogate your fear, break it down into pieces. What, exactly, are you afraid of? Is it not knowing what to say to the person? Rehearsing scripts can help with that. Is it handling anger productively? Is it handling emotional discomfort/pain? Etc. There are tons of resources online to help you gradually become more comfortable handling awkward/upsetting/hostile/etc. situations.
In summary: if you really want to go, to psych yourself up, perhaps remind yourself that this is a once-in-a-lifetime, happy event! Plus, there is a good chance that even if your class is tiny, seeing how you're not speaking, the ex won't want to engage with you either!
posted by skye.dancer at 1:32 PM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
However, if your ex-friend weren't going to be there, would you want to go? If so, then take a staged approach:
1. Go to the event, focus on spending time with your family and your friends, avoid the ex-friend. As others have said, graduations are hectic times--unless you have a teeny tiny graduating class, it will be pretty easy to avoid the ex.
2. Moving forward, tackle the issue of confrontation using baby steps; don't dive into the deep end on the first try. Interrogate your fear, break it down into pieces. What, exactly, are you afraid of? Is it not knowing what to say to the person? Rehearsing scripts can help with that. Is it handling anger productively? Is it handling emotional discomfort/pain? Etc. There are tons of resources online to help you gradually become more comfortable handling awkward/upsetting/hostile/etc. situations.
In summary: if you really want to go, to psych yourself up, perhaps remind yourself that this is a once-in-a-lifetime, happy event! Plus, there is a good chance that even if your class is tiny, seeing how you're not speaking, the ex won't want to engage with you either!
posted by skye.dancer at 1:32 PM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Hey, just to say that it's okay not to conflate manliness and particular social bravery. You're allowed to be tentative without being less of a man, just to be clear.
I did my graduation a few years later than I actually left undergrad (sans just a couple of elementary credits I never deigned to do), just 'cause my dad really wanted it. Happened back by campus and collected a few "she doesn't have to take this 101 class" signatures and did the whole cap and gown. I graduated with a bunch of folks a few years younger than me and hugged the university president, a friend. The hugging of the big chief made my father especially proud. I tossed a cap and got to thank a lot of favorite professors.
It's not a big deal to you, probably. It wasn't to me. But my grandmother and father came and it was clear it was really important to them. I get the socially awkward feelings. They don't make you less of a person and they don't make you less of a man.
Graduations are a bigger deal for the people who are cheering you on.. Don't worry about feeling awkward. It'll mean a big deal to the people who have done a lot for you in your world. And congrats!
posted by lauranesson at 2:52 PM on October 7, 2014
I did my graduation a few years later than I actually left undergrad (sans just a couple of elementary credits I never deigned to do), just 'cause my dad really wanted it. Happened back by campus and collected a few "she doesn't have to take this 101 class" signatures and did the whole cap and gown. I graduated with a bunch of folks a few years younger than me and hugged the university president, a friend. The hugging of the big chief made my father especially proud. I tossed a cap and got to thank a lot of favorite professors.
It's not a big deal to you, probably. It wasn't to me. But my grandmother and father came and it was clear it was really important to them. I get the socially awkward feelings. They don't make you less of a person and they don't make you less of a man.
Graduations are a bigger deal for the people who are cheering you on.. Don't worry about feeling awkward. It'll mean a big deal to the people who have done a lot for you in your world. And congrats!
posted by lauranesson at 2:52 PM on October 7, 2014
Graduation isn't for you. It is for your family. You've worked super hard and one more lecture and speech isn't that much. But for family it shows them in 3 hours all the work you've done. Let them celebrate. I don't remember my graduations well but I do remember my significant others.
posted by AlexiaSky at 3:16 PM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by AlexiaSky at 3:16 PM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
How big is this graduation? If it's only six people then I agree that it would be awkward. If it's dozens of people then go and just don't talk to your ex-friend. If you see them, go the other way. If they join your little group, don't talk to them and then make some excuse ("Oops, I see Max over there. Gotta say hi!") and leave.
At my graduation the people who were there specifically to see me had difficulty finding me because of the masses of people.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 3:47 PM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
At my graduation the people who were there specifically to see me had difficulty finding me because of the masses of people.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 3:47 PM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
If your university graduation is anything like mine was, you will be lined up with your major, in alphabetical order. I only was able to talk to the people right around me, and none of them were my particular "friends".
Graduation is about growing up and moving on. Bailing because you don't want to see this person is kinda remaining stuck in old ways. Remind yourself that this is one symbolic step on the path to whatever you're going to do next, and don't let another person keep you from going.
It will, however, be boring as hell. Sorry about that bit.
posted by oneirodynia at 5:58 PM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Graduation is about growing up and moving on. Bailing because you don't want to see this person is kinda remaining stuck in old ways. Remind yourself that this is one symbolic step on the path to whatever you're going to do next, and don't let another person keep you from going.
It will, however, be boring as hell. Sorry about that bit.
posted by oneirodynia at 5:58 PM on October 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Hey guys! Thanks for all the brilliant responses!
In the end I decided to go and, of course, you were all so right. I am so happy that I went, it was very good fun. I would have majorly regretted not going to be quite honest.
The membership for MetaFilter has been the best 5 euro I have ever spent!
posted by b3vcard at 7:25 AM on October 28, 2014 [2 favorites]
In the end I decided to go and, of course, you were all so right. I am so happy that I went, it was very good fun. I would have majorly regretted not going to be quite honest.
The membership for MetaFilter has been the best 5 euro I have ever spent!
posted by b3vcard at 7:25 AM on October 28, 2014 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Unless your class is seated alphabetically and ExFriend will be right next to you and you won't be able to handle that, go. It will be easy to avoid them, and graduation is a big day for you (and your parents).
posted by TwoStride at 6:16 AM on October 7, 2014 [13 favorites]