Phoenix doesn't seem to be working out. How about Oakland?
The relationship that was the subject of this
post is treading water and I need to make a decision fairly quickly as to whether it should continue.
The situation is compounded by the fact that I’m also considering a relocation. I’m currently in Phoenix and my attraction to the place, after years of moving around the country, is nothing short of spiritual. I never get tired of the mountains, the sunsets, the awesome winters (and I can even tolerate a bit of the triple-digit temps in the summer.) Outside of that, in almost eight years of living here, I’ve managed to make not a single close friend. I know people. I have one or two “breakfast” friends, but no one I can call a true confidante. It’s made me painfully lonely considering that my boyfriend is an introvert who isn’t one for long-deep conversations. In addition, the job market here just sucks for the field that I’m interested in (government relations and public affairs).
My ask for the folks here is to help me with a city I’m considering: Oakland. I’ve chosen the city because of its diversity, climate, social activities and job opportunities. I love Phoenix but I’m really tired of being the only black woman almost everywhere I go. I am liberal and the redness of the state is starting to get to me. I don’t need or have a desire to live in “blackistan” so I’m not looking for a place where everyone is the same race as I am. I enjoy different cultures/foods/experiences. I have two fairly close friends who live in Oakland and don’t think I’d have too bad of a time meeting new people. I’m very outgoing and accustomed to doing new things on my own.
I’m worried, though, that I’ll feel an emptiness because of my attachment to Phoenix and I wonder if Oakland’s seeming lack of natural beauty will eventually get to me. I don’t necessarily know what the dating scene is like and that will eventually be important to me. I also wonder if perhaps I should give Phoenix more time. I've done all the recommended things to make friends (take classes, join meetups, etc.) and nothing. The black women I meet are churchy, married and/or have children which leaves little time for socializing. (None of those things apply to me.) Women of other races who are my age don't seem keen on developing friendships.
This is a big choice for me. I’m crying as I type this. I’m 44 and thought I had found home in Arizona (I’ve moved something like 6 times since 2000) and in my relationship but that doesn’t seem to be the case.