Should I or should I not ? (date someone while not over someone else)
August 29, 2014 9:35 AM Subscribe
I am a man. I had an emotional affair with a friend - let’s call him James - whom I was very much in (unrequited) love with, and recently decided to "break up”. The long story is here
Then I decided to start dating and recently met this person, let’s call him Fred, whom I like very much. The problem is that I am absolutely not over James, and we’ve even managed to re-establish contact, still very guarded at this point, although we have not yet met.
So I find myself in a quandary and wondering whether it’s fair to start something with Fred when my heart is really with James. I mean, I like Fred very much and could ever grow to love him. But I fear I may be just using them as a convenient toy while waiting for a James moment that will never come. And Fred is a nice enough person that I don’t want to play with him. But then, I also need company and intimacy and I like having him around and he seems to feel the same about me, and is prepared to wait for as long as it takes for me to be truly over James.
posted by Kwadeng to Human Relations (26 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
So my question is: should I continue the relationship with Fred and hope that what I feel for James will fade over time (provided that I don't feed it by becoming super friends with him again), or should I wait until I no longer feel anything for James before I can seriously start dating again? I'm in a monogamous streak right now, so sleeping around is not an option.
What do you Mefites think? Am I even making sense? Also, I don't come from a coutnry / culture where we even have therapists, so please no suggestion along those lines.