Should I seek a different therapist?
August 29, 2014 7:28 AM Subscribe
I'm going through the worst depression I've ever had, and I've started seeing a therapist (along with meds), but a few things she has said irk me. When do you look for someone else? Juicy details inside.
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (23 answers total)
I've only seen this therapist three times. I'm a late-20's female and my therapist is female (I'd guess in her 50's). I've gone to counseling once before in my life but I guess I just lucked out liking that counselor.
There are three annoyances I've had:
1. She (therapist) talks a lot more than I expected, and a lot more than I remember my previous therapist talking. She tells what I perceive to be long-winded and largely irrelevant anecdotes. Sometimes they have some kind of moral related to something I've said, but more often they don't. This annoys me because right now I'm feeling desperate for relief from the depression, and these stories aren't helping me. More practically, she's eating up my time, and I'm a paying customer.
2. She says things that feel patronizing or misogynistic (or something else that makes me feel icky), though I know they are not intended that way. For example, today she told me "but you're pretty AND you do science" [I have a doctorate and work in a science-y field] in a tone that suggested that pretty + smart was some kind of rare combination. Being attractive and smart describes most of my female friends, so I felt a little like, come on lady, you're setting us back here. I know she was trying to boost my confidence and say I can be both, but her delivery was off and it turned me off.
3. Today (third session) was the first time I felt like I learned something about myself and the issues I'm currently dealing with. I don't know if this is a fair problem. Like I said, I'm desperate to feel different right now.
So my questions are, when do you get a new therapist? I'm not totally clicking with this woman, but I am not sure if my expectations are too high. Is there a way to bring up these issues with her (this feels like conflict to me, which I avoid at almost all costs, so specific scripts would be helpful)? If consensus is that I should seek someone else, is there a way to screen for this or talk about expectations at the beginning? I told her the issues I had identified that I wanted to focus on, but I didn't really ask anything about "methods"--I'm not sure what vocabulary to use.
If you've been in therapy or are a therapist, what is reasonable for feeling some kind of better? I know every session may not be a breakthrough. Is it common for some appointments to feel kind of pointless? I'd like to feel like I have something to reflect on or a task to focus on after each session.