OK, Max level bitchiness reached. How to deal with it?
August 27, 2014 11:18 PM Subscribe
I'm dealing with varying levels of resentment and bitchiness from people over my husband's job - the fact that to outsiders it seems glamorous/high status, and is well paid enough so I don't HAVE to work. It's getting me down because we move around all the time for his job so I don't really have a support network, just 'friends' who make sly nasty comments in emails/on my FB wall about my life. Any tips on dealing with the emotional/practical aspects of this welcome.
posted by everydayanewday to Human Relations (39 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
My husband works in the film industry as an FX TD. He is fairly well paid (4 times more than I ever was, as a literacy teacher in prisons) and works on big budget films like Pirates of the Carribean/Narnia etc. I'm catching flack for this.
The last time I met up with my childhood best friend in my hometown, it was an hour of her telling me how great her life was going (good! I'm glad!) while saying it 'didn't seem like you've been up to much' (despite the fact I got married, moved continents and travelled around Asia that year) while making sly comments about how she's 'a strong woman', 'I've always been independent, I don't need to rely on anybody' and 'I can look after myself' - as she thinks I'm sponging off my husband. It was hard for us to make this decision and I've given up a LOT (my home, my friends in London, anything that might resemble a middle class career) so we can make the best choices for us as a couple. He works 12-14hrs a day plus weekends so I do the flat hunting, furniture buying, food shopping, bill paying etc. I know it's not work but I'm not at the salon getting my nails done. It doesn't help that I'm unable to have children so my friend sees me as someone who doesn't need to be at home. I should mention here I've been dealing with untreated, excruciating endometriosis (now under control), cancer and depression so I've not always been able to work, but I don't want to disclose these things to her and am uncomfortable at being put in the position of explaining/defending my life to her.
Recently another hometown friend got in contact. I'd stopped speaking to her at 17 when she became bitchy towards me and aforementioned friend, but figured, they'd made up and it's been 15 years, people change. Initially she was pleasant, but now every other week I wake up to find myself tagged in a bitchy conversation on facebook. Today was another. She mentioned a Courtney Love song and I lamented that she'd actually played at the venue not 50 metres from my house the previous week but I couldn't get tickets and it was a bummer. That sparked off a discussion about how I was being 'an obnoxious director's wife' and 'oh totes hilar, like you forgot he was famous and does all the effects for big films. Completely, Everydayanewday'. Let me stress he's one of 400 people working on FX and is IN NO WAY famous. Then it just degenerated into 'jokey' comments like 'you gave me ebola' (??)
I've also had this with another friend of mine last year who was upset when I got married and also feels weird about his job but couldn't tell me that. I feel like my friends are dropping off, my friends are not happy when things go right for me - I spent the last couple of years with an abusive idiot doing good but breadline-paid work with disabled children. I have sat on the pavement and cried outside the bank. I have been scraping pennies together for 'value' bread my whole life, until I was 29. I didn't get a Mrs Degree. My parents are not rich. I feel like my friends are only my friends because they needed to feel better than me, who was barely getting by, with my shitty ex boyfriend. Now things are finally becoming more manageable (apart from my health) and it's like I've personally spited them. I feel like it's my fault because I don't know how to tell when someone genuinely likes me. I also have trouble with actually verbally responding to this stuff. I don't think I'm being obnoxious, but maybe I am? I never mention money/trips to anyone. They bring it up and imply nasty stuff and I am very polite and don't react to their digs because what else can I do? They work hard and don't earn as much money. How would you deal with this, practically and emotionally?