August 19, 2014 12:20 AM Subscribe
Some days are ok, some days are just heartbreaking. Where can I look for some support and information after my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage? I'm not sure how to deal with this better. Personal stories are welcome.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (27 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
A month ago I had a missed miscarriage. The fetus stopped developing at 9 weeks, but it wasn't discovered until 13 weeks. We tried to go the natural route, but ended up with complications that lasted for weeks and led to some really painful physical exams and treatments. As of right now, my hormones are not quite back to normal.
I am having all the feelings you'd expect. It was my first pregnancy and very much wanted. The miscarriage was complicated, gory, painful and seemingly never-ending. All of my friends are pregnant or have recently given birth. None of my friends have had miscarriages and now that it's been going on for weeks, everyone is over it except for me. Everyone keeps telling me to be glad I can get pregnant and to be glad that my body knew enough to end it early if it was broken. They keep telling me to look on the bright side, and to remember next time to take it easy so it doesn't happen again. I get the very distinct impression that they think I am taking this too seriously.
It's particularly embarrassing because we had told everyone around week 12. I feel both very exposed and very isolated. My partner is supportive, but he is having a very hard time relating.
Googling is horrible for information and support. All message boards seem to be populated with people who've had many multiple miscarriages. I'm terrified this is just the beginning and while everyone around me has baby after baby, I'll be left in the dust. I feel like everyone pities me and everyone knows I couldn't make it happen. Everything online seems very religious and/or patronizing.
It's bad some days, it's not so bad others. I just need somewhere to discuss it, or at least read about people dealing with it in a sane way. Hopefully without the culty acronyms (AF? seriously?) I am rational enough to know that all these feelings of guilt, envy, shame, and grief are normal- but they are still kicking around. I can't really complain to my best friends about this when I've got their baby showers to plan and their babies to play with. What do I do with them if everyone around me is tired of hearing about it?