How do I conquer my longtime addiction to relationships?
August 15, 2014 10:12 PM Subscribe
How do I conquer my longtime addiction to relationships, but... also date in Brooklyn?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (9 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a male in my late 30s. Since I was young, I was shy but considered handsome so I found myself getting girlfriends without always know how to handle it. I've always been a very sensitive, very perfectionist person. In some cases I broke up with women, but in cases where they broke up with me, I would be devastated, even if I didn't like them that much. I would try for months, sometimes years to get them to reconsider. My eating and sleeping habits would suffer, thoughts consumed, my anxiety off the charts, thinking maybe I'd lost my last chance at The One. Even if we weren't a great match!
The only thing that's ever cured the pain of the previous breakup is a subsequent relationship. And once that begins, I'll look back on the woman whose departure tortured me so much and...shrug. Suddenly all the incompatibilities and/or lack of attraction will hit me like a baseball bat. And the cycles starts all over again.
This happened with my marriage in 2010. We were both unhappy, I wanted nothing more than to be free and see other people and as soon as that opportunity arose, I feel into a deep deep depression and guilt for the last couple years. The notion of being single again in my late 30s was like a death sentence. I stopped working much, stopped socializing, lost my sex drive.
I've been better this year, dated a little, regained some confidence. In a few months I will move to Brooklyn for work. I will be single and full of anxiety. I realize I don't know how to meet people. I will be working long hours and coming home to a one-bedroom apartment. I want to work on myself, but I also fear being deeply lonely.
Anyone who has an addiction to people and relationships, maybe you can give me tips? Books, strategies, anecdotes?
And anyone my age who's lived in Brooklyn and wanted to meet potential dates, not just in bars, any advice would be great.