Help me deal with being the weird single guy in my group of friends
August 3, 2014 9:33 PM Subscribe
I am newly single, against my will. In the next two months, half of my friends are getting married. Everyone else I know is in a long term relationship. I am the, like, seventeenth wheel. I have absolutely no interest in ever being in a relationship again until the sun burns out. Please help me not feel really weird around my friends.
So long story short, my girlfriend of four years left, moved out of the place we shared, taking with her our two cats that I loved more than anything. (It actually makes my heart sink typing that last part... c'est la vie.) It's been about a month since she moved out, and about two and a half months since all this went down. It sucked, pretty hard.
I think I've got my life back in order, kinda. I'm going to a gym, I'm eating healthy, I bought a bunch of shit for my apartment so I don't look like a freshman who just moved into a dorm. In short, the "OH GOD MY LIFE IS ENDING" phase has subsided, and now I'm entering the placid, "Oh, being alone isn't so bad. Now I have time to read more" phase. This is a good phase.
But aside from the usual suckiness of a breakup from a LTR, I'm having a hard time processing this problem of my social identity with my friends being based around being part of a couple. Doing stuff that we used to do as a pair or group of couples now feels.. weird.
It feels weird not exactly the way it used to feel when I was younger and single and being single was more normal (I'm almost thirty now). I just feel sort of bad asking one of said couples to go out to dinner and a movie because it doesn't feel like something a single dude does with a couple. You know? It would be different if I was taking a date out with them, but I don't want to date, I just want to eat a burger with my friends and not feel alienated.
I'm sure most of this is just my own thinking. But I do feel a bit like people are feeling sorry for me when I attend some event and I'm the only couple-less person. I don't think I exude loneliness or anything, I'm actually a very happily introverted person and being single doesn't bother me, but I feel like the social dynamic has changed in a weird way. Other than simply avoiding coupled friends, how can I try to reframe this to not make me feel like the weird single guy in the group who everyone kind of pities?