Dealing with shitty parents?
August 3, 2014 2:21 PM Subscribe
Dealing with shitty parents - when to cut them off for good?
I am 26 years old. I have been estranged from my mother for a good 5 years. She is mentally ill and is a severe narcissist. She really dislikes my brother and I and she will go out of her way to try to sabotage our lives and make us feel small. I decided that this kind of maliciousness was just not ever going to change and so I no longer respond to her emails. She does not have my cell phone number.
My father divorced her, but has never really gained any awareness of her. He still sees her as a good person, despite the fact she cheated on him and then ruthlessly pursued him for an insane divorce settlement (which she got). My father has little or no interest in my brother's life or mine - he is pretty preoccupied with another relationship with a woman similar to my mother. He also appears to be cheating on this lady with another girlfriend. Both of these women are significantly younger and I think fulfill my father's fantasy of being young, single, with no strings (i.e. no kids).
Basically, both of my parents are pretty much narcissists and have little to no interest in their kids unless we can satisfy some last-minute whim of theirs. I've got to a point where just passively ignoring them (or actively ignoring my mother) doesn't do it anymore. My dad was supposed to meet me for coffee but never showed up and never texted or called to explain why. I really want them both permanently out of my life rather than just passively taking whatever shitty behaviour they deal out to me.
Any ideas? Before my strategy was no engagement, because confronting my parents in the past has not been successful. My mother has a temper tantrum and strikes out. My father has a lot of repressed anger that comes out. It just gets ugly and nothing is resolved. But I have never contacted them to say "Please do not contact me again." Should I just email them both and tell them please not to contact me anymore?