living with acceptance in an unjust world
August 2, 2014 11:18 AM Subscribe
Yet another coping with life after child abuse question (TW): I am really struggling with the idea of fairness in the world and the stigma of being mentally ill due to abuse. Looking for resources or stories to help me start to come to terms with an unjust world.
posted by kanata to Human Relations (33 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
Sorry for coming here again about my issues but me and my therapist have been discussing this for months and I just can't seem to come to any conclusion that gives me hope and I thought you all might have some ideas for places I could look or stories that would help me try to settle this in my head. Or at least not make me sob a lot of the time over it.
I am really struggling with the idea that I have been classified as mentally ill for what basically is the methods I used to survive my childhood. I understand logically that there is no stigma in mental illness... Or there shouldn't be one.. I was fine labeling myself with depression but after I really started to delve into my ten years of child abuse I find myself getting quite upset. I see the reasons for my life and my mental patterns and actions and it feels very dismissive that it gets labeled as a mental illness and not survival techniques.
For example, I was led to believe that everyone was watching me and if I did not appear normal they would get reports and I would be hurt. This led to hiding everything and being very wary of teachers/parents/doctors. So the fact that I am involved in a medical system is very triggering for me. It ends up feeling that I am at fault for my childhood. Yet I need the system in order to manage the PTSD from it. So I struggle with shame for being there and then guilt for needing it.
The thing I am really struggling with is the fairness of being declared mentally ill while the five people who hurt me are not. They lead fulfilling lives seemingly from Facebook while I am well before the poverty line and on disability.
I know you may not have had the same experiences but have you had to wrap your head around something similar and did you find a way to come to peace with the unfairness of the world? Is there anything that helped you get over the stigma of being mentally ill and coming to acceptance that other people will see you this way and don't take into account what caused it? Do you have sources I could read or watch or personal stories that could help me find a way to not be hopeless in the face of an unjust world?
(Man, I have no idea what category this fits cause I prayed to die at five so I am hesitant to choose religion but it isn't health so I don't know... Too many choices)