I have only 80 hours left of work, but should I bail early?
July 29, 2014 5:17 PM Subscribe
I have severe social anxiety and depression, but I've been trying to work part-time with the support of my state's vocational rehab program. I have a natural exit point from this job coming up on August 27th, and I intend to take it. I don't know, though, if I can make it that long.
posted by dee lee to Human Relations (25 answers total)
I work with children with special needs-- I've been doing it for a decade and I like to think I'm pretty good at it. The student I currently work with through a local preschool is leaving for kindergarten soon. I have been talking about leaving this job, and the working world in general, for months now. I discussed it with my boss, told her I would like to leave to focus on my computer programming (that's partly true), and the plan is for me to stay as long as my student does, then drop to 0 hours and be available for subbing.
I constantly worry about work and barely get anything outside of it done. I left my previous job for this one, also for reasons related to my mental health, but I managed to stick in there long enough to give the 30 days' notice they required and end on an okay note. I want to do something similar here, but I'm not sure if I'm going to make it without having a meltdown. I blow money on a taxi to work 2 or 3 days a week because I want so badly not to go I sit there paralyzed instead of getting ready on time, but hate being late. I cried after work today, and often have thoughts (that I have lots of practice not acting on) like "the only honorable way to get out of this job would be to kill myself". YANMP, and I have talked to actual mental health professionals about this. I only include it because it conveys the extent of my distress.
This employment contract is at-will. I intend for this to be my last job working with children. My mother has offered to pay my rent if I leave and I have a disability hearing in the fall. My partners have pointed out, and I have to admit, that the only things keeping me in the game at this point are my sense of obligation to my student and coworkers, my fear of being disliked, and pure unfiltered stubbornness. They've pointed out that this is one of those times where the only thing keeping me from what I want is me. But I feel like my stubbornness is my friend-- it got me through all my other jobs, and it's kept me alive through years of suicidal ideation. I know that if I quit this job, I am going to feel deeply ashamed of myself, and that, too, could bring me to meltdown. Though it feels far away, I'm so, so close to the finish line.
So should I stay or should I go?