How do I rehabilitate my SO's image on a message board I frequent?
July 21, 2014 12:48 PM Subscribe
I have for some years participated in a genberal interest message board I enjoy, where people frequently post personal topics. My SO has changed a lot since I first started posting about him, but people still seem to be influenced by first impessions of him. Can I 'rehabilitate' them somehow? Should I even try to?
posted by JoannaC to Human Relations (19 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
The board is a women's sort of gathering place type board where people talk about current events and stuff like that, but also general chatter aboout homes, jobs, families etc. There is a tendency to post more about stuff you need advice on, which is natual, I suppose (you seldom need advice about the stuff that's working!) and that's part of my problem.
But the other part is that when I met him, we were both older and had some baggage we hadn;t worked throuugh yet. Once we got past the starry-eyed lovebirds stage, we did have some struggles with how to deal with this stuff sanely---there were reasons his previous relationships did not work out, and reasons why some of MY coping strategies either helped or didn't help the siutation.
We stumbled upon (through advice from someone else) a fabulous therapist who has helped us both develop better coping strategies for the occassional tough thing, and to deal with our past baggage so we are better people both alone and together. We have come SUCH a long way and are actually really happy together 99% of the time, with the 1% we are not happy mostly the usual couple stuff that always comes up for anyone, or somebody being ill (this can be a big deal for him due to a health condition he has). We have just celebrated three years together, and are both in much better places than we were when we started.
The problem is that the message board people still seem to be influenced by stuff I posted about him before we made all this progress and did all this work. So if I ever say anything about him, they jump all over it as 'well, he's always been difficult' or 'well, if he did something wrong, maybe you should leave him' etc. They (obviously) so not see the full picture of our lives, nor is it necessarily their business, but I wish I could post about him with more of a cleaned slate. I don't know if it is possible, or desirable, to achieve this.
For what it's worth, the Boy thinks message boards (as a general concept) are stupid, and that the solution is to just stop posting there in the first place. But I find that my personality type is such that I do value this sort of advice/chat/gathering place. Sometimes, it is nice to hear how other people deal with problems. But if, every time I post about one, I am going top get jumped on about what a bad guy he is (which he is not!) I am losing that benefit.
I have tried, unsuccessfully, to look for a new board elsewhere. I have not found one that has decent traffic and participation, and covers the range of topics this one does. So, what is the solution here?