My parents suck.
July 20, 2014 12:30 PM Subscribe
My parents are incredibly rude narcissists. This time they've turned their focus on my sister. What can I do to support her through this?
posted by floweredfish to Human Relations (17 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
My younger sister is 30, has a 9 month old beautiful, healthy, happy daughter and is married. There don't have a lot of money, but aren't on welfare or anything like that. My sister has a stormy job history, but right now is working a job and is doing an awesome job. It's not a glamorous or high paying job, but it's a job and she can support her family. In my eyes, that is all that matters.
My sister and her husband have been married for several years and it was a whirlwind and then he was deported in the military. He's been home now for about 2 years and is working through some major PTSD. He does not have a job, but is going to school for a degree in a lucrative career that might not be here right now, but further down the road will be great. In the meantime, he's working through his problems,
My sister and husband have been working through marital issues on top of all that. Things are bumpy because he has been self-medicating his PTSD by means of addiction, but they have both realized this and are getting help. Life isn't always rosy, but they are working it out. Again, that is what matters in my mind. They really are doing the best they can in the situation and to make ends meet.
With that said, awhile back, AskMe gave me incredible advice about my parents and am hoping for some for what to do to support my sister.
The issue boils down to this: my sister and her family live several states away in a rented apartment (and are able to make rent, etc) and my parents were planning a visit. My sister was honest and told them that she was sorry, but this isn't a good time due to them working through this stressful situation. She gave them 2 weeks notice when they realized it wouldn't be best to have my judgey parents visiting them. I know that shit happens, but I feel like she did the right thing by being honest with them.
Cue temper tantrum by my parents.
They basically flipped out and said they were coming anyway because they are ENTITLED to see their granddaughter. This is verbatim and this is bullshit. I'm angry about at their complete lack of boundaries and pointed my sister to the Daughter of a Narcissistic Mothers website, this is pretty much all textbook. She is scared that they are going to call the cops (they would because they did this to ME back in college because I had not called them in 2 weeks due to studying for exams). She's scared they are going to take her baby (I assured her this wouldn't happen and because they aren't doing anything wrong, my parents could be charged with kidnapping). It's ridiculous. I can elaborate more if needed.
So far I've given her that website info, have listened to her and sympathized with her. I also recommended she send an email to them documenting this and calling the local police to give them a heads up...not a restraining order, but to let them know that this will most likely happen. What else can I do? I understand that her goal is to stop the bullshit now before it gets worse. Thoughts?