When Is It Good To Let go Of An Internet Friendship?
July 18, 2014 7:19 PM Subscribe
I've had a two year friendship with someone I've never met but care a great deal for. It is causing a lot of stress. I am unsure how to end it given the intensity of our communication. I have included more in the extended area.
posted by Fayrose to Human Relations (17 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
Two years ago I attracted someone to me on youtube. He commented on my work for an entire year prior to us communicating, somehow I never noticed. Then I did. We started to chat in yahoo every day, some of the chats lasting hours. Eventually we spoke on the phone, those conversations lasted hours as well (five or more). An entire day seemed to go by with nothing but communication between us. It was fun, interesting and I liked his intellect as it seemed very complimentary to my own.
We will call him D...Eventually I fell in love with D and told him as much. He was stunned and shocked, speechless basically. He said the distance was terrifying for him. He also said he was unsure of what to say. Since he did not expound about how he felt regarding me, or rather his lack of response said volumes, I changed the way I felt. Eventually I managed to settle into a close friendship with him where we spoke once a week for several hours. I also met someone offline and we fell in love and are together today. The thing is D still wants me to call every weekend and we talk two or more hours.
Sometimes I think I still feel very affectionate toward D and it bothers me. He claims the friendship is very precious, yet we have never met in person. I am unsure we ever will. I find that at times I have sexual fantasies about him and this also disturbs me. He knows, does not seem to mind – in fact in a very early email to me, he actually wrote something to the affect of I could use his body and mental image anyway I choose. (Odd since I never gave any indication I even wanted to.)
Lately I find that when I don't talk to D, I’m more relaxed. I've also started to paint and write with much more frequency. At times knowing I need to call him on a Friday or Saturday seems like a burden then the rest of my day seems shot. It hurts as well because he believes our friendship is precious. I also dislike talking to him about my issues with my partner but have gone there anyway. D has always been neutral and has never had a bad word to say about my boyfriend. Now D has attraction to someone else and I find this bothersome as well . . . I feel depressed when we speak and the entire situation brings me down. I think it is time to end it for my own piece of mind.
I'm curious what anyone else thinks on the subject of Internet friendships: Is this sort of Internet friendship where distance is an issue a waste of time and unhealthy? Why would it be unhealthy and if I were to end it, what advice could someone give on how to do this? I have stopped calling in the past, eventually I get an email asking if I am no longer talking to him. I have even tried recently to end it but somehow we talk again. I could ignore him, it feels cruel – any suggestions or thoughts on this sort of situation would be appreciated. This is very depressing for me.