A birthday greeting from a significant and estranged ex
July 18, 2014 6:18 AM Subscribe
How should I have handled receiving a birthday greeting form an ex who completely broke my heart and whom I haven't contacted since?
posted by blokefromipanema to Human Relations (31 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I had a break up 6 months ago (I’ve written about it here before).
It was an on/off relationship with a woman who has ended it with me 3 times over a few years, mainly because she’s fickle and obviously doesn’t love me as much as she used to say she did.
I was very hurt by this, but I respected her wishes and went no contact from the moment of the break up and have stuck with it…until now.
A few days ago out of the blue she sent me an email simply saying ‘happy birthday’. I must admit it threw me…..mainly because it wasn’t my birthday... (that was a joke..it was). Secretly I’ve expected some form of contact eventually as she seems to operate like this. I mulled it over and the next day I decided to break my ‘NC’ and replied with a simple ‘thanks. I hope you had a nice birthday too’ (it was hers recently as well)
I haven’t heard from her since.
And now I have a strange combination of emotions that I can’t explain. On the one hand It’s put her back to the forefront of my mind and I’m eagerly checking my emails to see if she will reply, even though I know she’s no good for me and I shouldn’t ever hope to hear from her again.
And yet, on the other hand I feel like I can kind of move on a bit more now, as I know she still thinks of me and that she was the one that cracked first, and that seems to give me some satisfaction.
Now her missive could be significant or totally insignificant. However, knowing her as I do, and her scorched earth policy of dealing with people who displease her, it somehow seems like the former, and it may be a prelude to further contact?
My questions are
Was I right to respond and how should I proceed from here?
What if she sends a response?
Are the mix of feelings I have normal?
It all feels quite lame and angsty to still be feeling like this 6 months later, especially considering my age, but it is what it is.