Two lovely friends of mine are getting married. A number of people I know are also invited, none of whom are close friends. Unfortunately, my terrible, horrible, no-good, very-bad ex - the one who did this to me
- is invited too. Help?
posted by sevensnowflakes to Human Relations (35 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Some background: Two years ago, my ex, the couple who are getting married, and a former female friend (FFF) were all part of one of my circles of friends. Then, my relationship with Ex ended. The year thereafter was the hardest year of my life. Ex ended things with me quite cruelly, and I was a pretty big wreck for a long time. I saw a psychiatrist, did a year of therapy, and made some major changes in my life, including ending friendships with toxic people, spending more time with my family, and nurturing relationships with other friends. Almost two years later, I'm now in a much better place.
When my relationship with Ex ended, FFF immediately dropped her friendship with me and glommed onto Ex. I remained friends with others in our circle, including Couple, but it was clear that I would no longer be invited to social functions where Ex would be present. To their credit, Couple made an effort to continue to hang out with me in other situations, as did a few others from our circle, but I wouldn't say any of them are close friends.
So I'm invited to Couple's wedding. So are Ex, FFF, and a number of other people from our old circle. If I'm honest with myself, my fear about attending is having no one in my corner, so to speak. I have no idea what the relationships between Ex, FFF, and Couple have been like over the past two years, as we're all in different geographic areas at the moment, but Ex will presumably have FFF in his corner, and the fact that I was excluded from social functions in our former circle following our breakup makes me worry I'd be excluded at the wedding, and spend it feeling very awkward.
Additionally, I am presently single. I'm invited with a plus one, so I could conceivably get a date. But I have no romantic prospects at the moment, so any date I could bring would be a friend. (Bonus: I haven't been to many non-family weddings and I'm not sure what the etiquette is with respect to bringing a friend as a date.) There's also the possibility that I might not be able to find a date at all. I'd normally be 1000% fine with going stag to a wedding, but.
Finally (this may be irrelevant), although I blocked FFF (and Ex) on the social media I use regularly long ago, FFF recently sent me a friend request on a platform I rarely use. I have no interest in being her friend again, given her behavior after the breakup - but maybe I'm reading the friend request as an olive branch when it's not one.
I know I could handle being around Ex at the wedding. What I'm less sure I could handle is feeling excluded by everyone else. But, I'm really happy that Couple invited me to the wedding, and I'd love to share in their day.
What should I do? Opinions on any part of the above are welcomed.