What else can I try to feel less sad?
July 4, 2014 3:35 AM Subscribe
I have battled horrible depressions for as long as I can remember (I think this is probably a combo of inherited predisposition/anxious attachment style and life experiences). I have been through a lot (diagnosed with ptsd though that's not so bad now) and attracted a lot of undesirable people into my life (as well as some good ones). I am so tired of trying to feel ok and really draw blanks on thinking about what could bring joy. Can't imagine what my perfect day would be :(. I feel genuinely out of ideas about what to try next.
posted by tanktop to Health & Fitness (30 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
Here's what I'm ok at -
I have commited to therapy for 4 yrs. She is great.. really 'gets me' but it is long and painful (good sometimes) and expensive!
I do try and work on myself.. read books/do personal development am in a peer support network and sometimes Al Anon
I cook and eat well and enjoy both.
I find gardening and veg growing therapeutic and do this when I can (though generally when complaintive neighbour not out!)
I have relocated from a crazy, angry city to a smaller friendly one and a tranquil home/nice community.. this has been a good move
There's no work!! :( I have been trying to set up a business but am having a lot of knocks and finding it really tough without much support or sturdy self esteem. (I still get waves of passion about it.. but I suspect not as often as I need them).
Right now I have to prioritise getting a regular income - but my background is in mental health and a) there is very little here/fierce competition for jobs b) I had left it to set up my business because I felt burnt out.
I have been to a careers advisor (who was really shit/unhelpful/disniterested). I have tried hard to develop i.t skills to widen options but though the teacher was nice.. not a good teacher.. shouty/critical etc.. so I left as was learning ZILCH (he was an old guy due to retire.. not gonna change!). My trade is what would bring the doe in if I can even get a job.
Have a mainly dysfunctional family of origin (far away).. which causes ongoing heartache and I don't trust my judgement in romance after very bad experiences.. so stay away (it doesn't seek me out). I know that's fear talking, and there is a level of sorrow about this (fertile yrs are slipping through my fingers) but feel the need to prioritise safety just now. The prospect of romance frankly scares the shit out of me... whilst a part of me craves..
Friends.. I have a few lovely friends.. but mostly contact is sparse.. they are all married/have kids/careers/live away. My closest (long term) friend here is special but quite reactive. Very very anti men hassling women (in nightclubs etc). I understand this but just had an email about her assaulting a guy coming on too strong to her friend. I feel she wants to me to be ok with this kind of dramatic and stressful behaviour.. it just makes it feel easier to be alone!
I do stuff sometimes... I've probably tried every kind of course under the sun.. including dipping into things I enjoyed as a kid. I get a degree of pleasure out of some of it/a bit of contact.. but I'm not great at sticking with stuff (not sure if just me or the depression) and the local college is pretty crap.
I am generally friendly to people and make an effort but there is also ambivalence about getting closer these days... I kind of can't be arced to meet a million transitory people.
My life does not feel rich and I tend to go from apathetic to very down.. occasionally a contented mood/good day pops in but I've never figured out a pattern/the variables.
I no longer seek it all. I just long to feel ok most of the time (that would be a luxury in itself).
I have been trying to avoid ani depressants as wanted to do the work to try and heal but know I may need to try them next.
Please go gently with the replies.. it has been really hard to write this!
Sorry for long post and thanks in advance.