How do I get my intelligence and identity back after depression?
June 30, 2014 10:06 PM Subscribe
Hi. I am currently 21 years old, female, and I think I was depressed for a long time, sometimes I think most of my life. I think I'm just starting to get out of it though, and I'm having a lot of realizations lately. I have had a lot of good days where I feel somewhat like myself again but have had bad days too. I really want to continue having good days but I'm struggling. I need help.
posted by anon1129 to Human Relations (10 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
Basically my life situation is that ii currently live at home, just graduated from community college with a general transfer degree after 3 years of studying. I have a 2.66 gpa which is really bad but I wasn't in good shape mentally and emotionally the past few years especially and I'm just glad to have completed my degree. I want to go to university in the fall because I want to finish a bachelors degree, but I don't really know what degree to get, and I'm really stresse about it. I was admitted to a local state university. I REALLY need to be focussing on that, I know.... I also work two jobs full time right now during the summer. I just got out of a five year relationship a couple months ago, I'm happy about it but don't currently have many friends at the moment as I'm having trouble connecting socially, and I really need to focus on getting healthy anyway
Here are my questions in a nutshell:
1. Is it normal to lose some of your intelligence when depressed? I know somewhere inside of me is a smart, sensitive, and fun person but I frequently feel so disconnected, blank, empty, awkward, slow and stupid. It's hard to describe. It really affects me socially. For example, at work I feel like I really make people annoyed, I can never communicate what I mean to say because I can't think, I make people feel awkward, I can understand people and social dynamics but I feel like I have nothing to contribute or have any good response naturally. Like I'm behind a glass wall. Does anyone know what I mean? I feel like I can't communicate. I am just so distracted by my inner turmoil I can't pay attention. I will have to watch a movie a couple of times to get it
2. How can I get my intelligence and mind back? I feel like the answer to this is relaxing more, depression is stressful and I just feel like I need to relax more, but I can't stop worrying about my problems. When I'm not working I frequently spend most of my days on my phone on the internet looking up self help things, but I never really out anything into practice. I aim to eat healthy and I excersize most days, so I guess that is good. I want to start meditating but I rebel against routines I set up for myself. I started a diary which I think will help with getting thoughts out and working through emotions, but I'm not strict on writing in it every day. I just find it hard to stick to things.
3. How can I get my identity and life back? I am happy to be on my own but now I am left to build my life all over. I neglected having really any hobbies besides working out when I was with my boyfriend. I did pick up knitting last winter break but stopped and I would like to start again but it's summer and I won't be able to wear anything I make for a while. I also have read a couple books, I like reading. I have always wanted to learn guitar and have been thinking about buying one and learning while I have the time during summer break.
4. Basically, I'm having trouble pinpointing my current problems and implementing solutions. I feel lost and directionless. When I allow myself to relax and go with the flow life seems to go much better on those days, when I allow myself to love myself. But I need to balance that with direction I think.
Does any of this make sense? I'm not sure what to make of my life or myself at the moment. How can I get rid of the confusion