A fareweather friend apologizes for being a bad friend, should I care?
June 25, 2014 8:40 PM Subscribe
I'd already stopped caring a few months ago and it's hard to go back to caring again.
posted by winterportage to Human Relations (20 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
I've known my friend for about 5 years. We met during a summer job. She's a really adventurous and fun person so I've had a lot of cool experiences because of being her friend. We click really well for "fun" things, but our relationship isn't really one of those deep friendships where you talk about your feelings much.
We usually come in and out of contact casually, but there's a weird dynamic where every few months I start hearing from her an intense amount and then we fall out of touch. Over the past two years we've been living in the same city.
I've noticed some things about her that I find very rude. I've been out of contact with her for the past couple months for that reason. Some examples:
- Walked down my (quiet, pretty, lots of trees) street and said "this street is so depressing" for no reason.. makes all sorts of similar comments about things related to me without really directing them at me
- Calls me at 9pm on the walk home to vent about her relationship worries. I don't mind so I let her vent. But when I try to share anything about my own life it's like she doesn't hear me. When she's done venting she says she's tired and the conversation is over.
- I tell her I'm interested in learning more about Judaism because it's my background. She says she's interested too (her ex was Jewish). I invite her to go to a Shabbat dinner, looking forward to participating in traditions I never was a part of as a child -- she texts me back "yeah! let's go meet some Jewish cuties!" with apparently no awareness that I actually have a personal interest in this because it's part of my family heritage
- I ask her to go to the movies one weekend, she says she can't go this weekend, but tells me to wait to see that movie because we'll go together on Tuesday. Tuesday night comes and she calls me to say she decided to go to that same movie with her new date from Tinder instead (Tinder! I get blown off for some guy from Tinder!). I called her out on it right away, saying "that is not cool!" but she didn't seem to register
- After that last thing happened (the one above), I told her I needed some space from her ( she had been calling me a lot to vent about her relationship, etc). But she kept texting me, once even at 2am which woke me up. I texted her back "did you have to wake me up at 2am?" and her reply was " Why are you so grumpy?"
- So, I got an email from her about a week ago in which she says she's sorry and she knows she's been unkind and unreliable. Normally I would really appreciate an apology like that but for some reason I haven't been able to bring myself to reply. One reason is that she buried the apology in an email about other things (one of which is that after telling me for weeks that she wanted to sublet my room, that she changed her mind about moving). Another reason is that it took so long... the last hurtful incident (the Tinder thing) happened over two months ago, and she had the chance to apologize right then and there but was too proud to express any regret or feeling sorry.
So I'm not sure. What should my next move be? Should I reply to the email ? Or just take the apology and run? Is the apology "better late than never" or "too little too late"?