I get so lonely, I could... Become really confused as to why
June 19, 2014 3:49 PM Subscribe
I've always been good at being on my own. I read a lot, love going to movies and museums alone. I've traveled alone extensively. But lately, being alone has become almost unbearable, and I can't figure out what the problem is.
I have lots of good friends (though my very best friend moved thousands of miles away a few years ago, I have at least five "one of my best friends" in the area). My husband and I enjoy each other's company immensely and never run out of things to talk about. I have a large social circle, and there are big parties at least a few times a month, and lots of smaller get-togethers. My "events' page runneth over. A few things have changed in the last year, though.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (17 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
One, I got a new job that has me working almost every day, usually surrounded by lots of people. Two, my husband started working evenings so if I'm home in the evening, I'm usually home alone (luckily my schedule fluctuates enough that I still see him often, during the day). Three, I've realized that I'm never going to be a successful artist. I can still do my art because I love it, but it's a hobby--I'll never be a star. I'm sad, and haven't been doing much art at all lately, but I'm not in tears over it. It's just disappointing.
None of this seems to explain the bone-crushing loneliness that hits me when I find myself at home alone in the evenings. If I have nothing planned, I sometimes drive to the drugstore and randomly shop, because just being around people, even if I don't interact with them, makes me feel better. How do I figure this out?
I don't know what to do about this. I mean, aside from arranging to be as busy as possible all the time. As long as I'm with friends or doing something, I feel completely happy. But I don't think avoiding the situation is a good way to handle it--for one thing, it doesn't always work--plans get canceled, etc. For another, if there's something really wrong, I should probably figure out what it is so I can fix it.
I've spoken a little about it to my husband, but it mostly makes him feel guilty for working evenings, which I absolutely don't want. And I don't want to burden my friends... There's not really anything they can do, it will just make them feel worried and like they SHOULD do SOMETHING to help me, and I can't think what that could be. It's not their job.
And, also, I guess I'm embarrassed about it. It seems so silly to be a married person with tons of friends and a fun job interacting with lots of people, and to be so incredibly lonely when I'm alone. I've always been fiercely independent. I just don't get it.