How to evaluate news from acquaintance that partner is cheating&on drugs
June 18, 2014 4:04 PM Subscribe
I have a relationship and thought it was solid. Today my partner's former best friend and current room-mate contacted me to advise my partner has been cheating from the start of the relationship with random people met online. Also, partner has a $100 a day drug habit and is stealing from the elderly mother. Details and specific questions inside.
posted by partly squamous and partly rugose to Human Relations (37 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I have (had?) a relationship with someone for many years and thought it was solid (close to a decade). Let's call my partner Squiggles. I am in my early 30s, the others in this question are nearly 40. Today my partner's former best friend since childhood and current room-mate contacted me to advise Squiggles has been cheating from the start of the relationship with random people met online who are brought into the shared home. Also, that Squiggles has had a $80 -$100 a day hard drug habit for many years (I knew he had a former drug habit but believed he was sober for the last 6 years). I have lent Squiggles money over the years thinking it was for "gas" or "groceries". Friend says he knows about the drugs as they share the same dealer. I do not use drugs - never had never will - it is not a world I understand very well.
I know their friendship broke up last year despite still living together due to what I thought was room-mate related disputes - so I know there is some drama going on with them. I always tried to defend friend because I thought the "break-up" was very bizarre and unfair to friend. Friend wanted to contact me because Squiggles was eager for a child and was planning to live with me - we had decided on next month as the "move in and make a baby" date. Friend didn't know me well and said it would cause problems to tell me but said he had a guilty conscience and felt I should know because everyone else knew and didn't want to say anything.
Should I trust the friend? I am inclined to believe the friend. His story makes sense with questions in the back of my mind. But friend and Squiggles really hate each other right now. Also, I love Squiggles with all my heart. I thought I knew him inside out and he was just a lazy but loveable stoner. I love his parents, I love his siblings... I feel very shocked. I am also scared because I have a good job, gorgeous apartment, and nice savings. I don't mind supporting a partner but I don't want to be used. How do I confront Squiggles and protect the friend? Should I trust the friend knowing they despise each other? I am utterly shocked - I would have laid down my life for Squiggles in a heartbeat and never in a million years imagined he could cheat. It isn't the drugs and stealing that hurts - shame to say it but I love him and was completely fine with supporting him financially. It is the random women online that break my heart. At least if it was someone he knew I could understand the motivation and weakness. But a stranger? We never even used protection all these years. I cannot bring an innocent child into this mess. I still want to forgive Squiggles. I could leave and easily find a good man if I wanted to - but how do I let go of the love of my life?