The Big Talk. Moving Mom to Assisted Living. I need advice.
June 18, 2014 3:31 PM Subscribe
Follow-up to Moving your parent to a Senior Living Home
posted by ebesan to Human Relations (3 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
1. The Big Talk. My friend X will be talking w/ her Mom, and signing papers to move her to a Home. She is now comfortable w/ the decision, and relieved to be finished with exploring and exhausting all options, stop supporting a 2nd house, medical interventions, etc., get some of her life back. Note/Follow-up to previous suggestions- X met the staff 3 times; Mom has visited 3 times, and they did an assessment; there is a memory support; we sat in common areas without coats on; discussed care options; it is in her home community, and she has friends; I read the Pro Publica article. Mom is angry, (aging is a bad deal in this country) knows the family wants to move her, sometimes agrees, sometimes disagrees. Logically, there are a lot of conflicting and anxious thoughts in both their heads. How does my friend approach this? (I am her support) We are going to run through the talk, and consider Mom's reactions; anger, agreement, denial.
2. The Move. How is this done? The Home has a service for this, but I'd like to hear ideas. We have seen the room options, have floor plans. Last week, i was sitting in the house with Mom and she mentioned how she loved a painting on the wall. I mentally added that to my list for her new room. Isn't it important to identify her favorite items, furniture, books, clothes, a side table or rug, paint? Not to RECREATE her house, but keep her connections, anchors, familiar things, soften the abrupt change in her life, so she is nominally in charge of her own space, her things? It would matter to me.
X is wary of my lists and 'spread-sheet' attitude. Fair enough. I am maybe too logistic? But I want her prepared. Perhaps I need to see this as a start, the basics, make it comfortable for Mom to move in, and then as a process over time, as we visit, noting items and listening to make the rooms suit her preferences? Was there anything you might do differently now? Or, as it might happen to you someday?