Staving off the malicious narcissist
June 11, 2014 7:16 AM Subscribe
We all know of them, and some of us are unlucky enough to know one or more in real life - the narcissist, the emotional vampire, the malicious manipulator without a conscience. Some of us have seen them in action for years, but the malice was never turned our way. And now, my partner and I are on the receiving end of that malice. What safeguards can we put in place to protect our family?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (16 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
My brother-in-law is handsome, charming, and has outgrown the outright smarmy nature that would sometimes put people off. He is also malicious, and when I think about it, has been since I first met him when he was in his teens. Back then he would scream profanities at his parents until they gave in to whatever he wanted (!), usually trips overseas, and before his 20th birthday would tell his parents of the elaborate stories he made up to bed various women.
He calls us when he wants something, usually once a year. Now he wants money from us very badly, and believe he's owed it for various reasons. At first, we were supportive, kind, loving. Then the emails and texts got progressively more horrible, insulting and threatening, so we stopped responding.
Brother-in-law is using the rest of the family to try to make us give him money. The lies, of course, change daily and vary by the person he is talking to. We've stood firm in ignoring all this. But given the viciousness of some of his messages directly to us, I can't help but worry that at some point he will try to hurt us seriously - say, by calling CPS and leaving anonymous tips. He's done things like this before and laughed about it, and gotten very angry when confronted with the magnitude of wrong he'd committed against other people for fun.
So. Knowing all this about someone, and not wanting to give him too much headspace, what are some safeguards we can put in place to protect ourselves from him? He lives in another state, but knows our phone numbers and address, and our children's names. We also have to see him in person in a few months at a family gathering.