Socially awkward human seeks advice on friendship.
June 7, 2014 10:08 AM Subscribe
A while back, my friend sent me a message confessing his love for me. Awesome, right? Not so much. I failed to reply because I am a socially awkward human being and it was overwhelming at the time and now he has stopped speaking to me entirely. I'm not sure how to fix this, and honestly, I'm not sure if I even want to.
posted by sarahgrace to Human Relations (19 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I've been friends with this guy for 4 or 5 years - we are both in our early 20s now. He and I live approximately 1000+ miles away from each other and have never met in person. Our friendship was entirely Skype/text/etc. based. He isn't the type of person I would typically be friends with, but we got along quite well and would talk for hours sometimes. I have never had any type of romantic feelings for this guy (who we will call P, I suppose). P doesn't have a job, doesn't go to college, doesn't have a car or a driver's license and lives in the basement of his parents' house. Last year he actually moved out and started college but just stopped going to class during his first semester because he felt like he wasn't learning anything important and moved home when his loan money ran out. He smokes a really large amount of marijuana on a daily basis to treat his anxiety, and quit the job he finally got because it was interfering with... something or other, I really can't remember - plus he was drinking 40oz of malt liquor every night after work which was a point of contention between us. As someone who lives alone, works 40+ hours a week and is a full time student with a 4.0 GPA, his complaints got on my nerves a little bit and his living situation and lack of motivation is my #1 reason for not having any romantic interest in him. I do understand that anxiety and depression are probably a factor in his behavior, but he hasn't made much of an effort to seek treatment.
Despite his shortcomings, P was a pretty great friend and gave some good advice to me as well. We would chat about all sorts of things and vent to each other. He was sweet and funny and we had a lot in common. I was in a relationship during our entire friendship, and while I suspected he may have feelings for me, I never thought he would actually act on them because we live 1000+ miles apart and for all the reasons listed above. A couple months ago he sent me a big message telling me that he was in love with me and that he didn't tell me because he valued our friendship and didn't want to lose it, etc. I had been dealing with some family issues and a lot of personal issues from past relationships and my own battle with anxiety/depression, plus stress from both my jobs and school and figuring out how to pay for grad school so I never replied. I kind of hoped that it would just go away and we could stay friends but that never happened. I know it was rude and inconsiderate to ignore the message, but I just couldn't deal with it at the time, I guess. It sucks to be put into a situation where you have to tell one of your best friends "I'm sorry, I don't love you back". I am also the kind of person who has a hard time truly trusting people until I meet them and know them in person for a decent period of time. I don't think it is possible for me to fall in love without meeting a person. Anyway, we talked normally for a couple of months after he sent the message and I really thought it was all going to be okay and then he just stopped replying to me and has unfriended me on Facebook without any explanation.
Basically, I don't quite know what to do now. Should I leave things be and just let the friendship be finished or should I try and message him to apologize? Even if I were to message him I have no idea what to say or where to begin - that's another reason I never replied to him originally. I don't have a lot of close friends so I always really valued his friendship and made sure he knew that.