How Can I Reduce My "Fear Of Missing Out" And Relax A Little?
June 1, 2014 12:44 PM Subscribe
How can I slow down and take time to myself and enjoy it when there is always a constant stream of social invites? How can I stop worrying about missing out on something, and specifically missing out on meeting new romantic chances?
posted by christiehawk to Human Relations (9 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
I guess this is a good problem to have! But it's a problem for me nonetheless.
I'm a very social person and I have a LOT of friends in different circles. It's fun. But I'm becoming exhausted and stretched too thin. I'm very much a "yes" person when people invite me to do stuff because I honestly DO want to hang out and spend time with them. But sometimes I overbook myself and get stressed out because I'm always going from one thing to the next.
A few things that are exacerbating this:
1.) I feel this fear that if I decline too many invites I will drop down in friendship rank with people and lose the friendship. Or they won't invite me next time.
2.) I always have this anxiety that I will miss out on something.
3.) The anxiety of missing out on something is made worse because as a gay person who really wants to find a significant other; I always fear that I'm going to miss out on that rare chance that a potential partner could be out and about. And if I take my eye off the ball and slack off I will miss that opportunity. For gay people it just always seems so much harder to meet potential interests. For example, today I'm very tired because I've been hanging out with my friends constantly for several days. They are going to a swanky hotel pool today - I wouldn't mind not going, but I have this sense of worry of "What if girl of my dreams is there today, and by not going I will miss my chance of meeting her?"
4.) This anxiety is getting in the way of my life - for instance, I really want to get a dog. I love dogs and I think it would make me really happy (and take my mind off dating for a bit and make it less of a THING in my mind). But my hesitation in getting one is solely caused by my worry that I may have to miss out on some social things here and there because of the added responsibility. And it's less about missing some time with friends and more because I'm worried I will miss out on meeting new people to date. It sounds crazy when I write it, but it's becoming a complex. I will admit that a horrible string of bad luck and rejection in my romantic life has a LOT to do with this.
I will say I've been making an effort to take dating off the table for a bit to heal from recent rejections and just reduce my overall anxiety. But it is HARD. I can't effectively trick myself into thinking that way when my deepest desire right now is a relationship.
I'm not a total extrovert - I need some alone time to recharge after extensive "hanging out" time. I kind of miss the days when I just had a small group of close friends and that was it. I also wasn't that worried about finding someone to date. But now that I have many friends I can't willingly just fall of the face of the earth. I don't want to lose them although I realize that I can't keep all these friendship balls in the air all the time. I do have a hard time saying no sometimes, but I've gotten a lot better at that recently so that's less of a problem. I think the problem lies more in my own anxiety about missing out.
So I guess my questions are:
How can I relax a little bit from constantly stressing I'm going to miss a romantic "chance" if I take a social break from time to time?
How can I learn to decline a social invite and enjoy some alone time without constantly thinking people are off having fun without me?
Should I pare down my friendships a bit and focus on a few? And how can I even do this? It seems hard to willingly slack off on friendships.