Please help us get my mom into memory care!
May 31, 2014 5:36 AM Subscribe
Central Indiana - I need elder care help today!
Please help us!
posted by Thorzdad to Human Relations (106 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
Long, ugly story short...My mom (who has Alzheimer's/dementia) was found wandering Thursday evening. Police took her to a hospital in Indianapolis (I'm in Muncie) My name and number was in their system as primary contact. My brother, who is supposed to care for her, is nowhere to be found and has turned-off his phone. After an overnight stay, the hospital strong-armed my wife and I into taking her home with us to Muncie. This already isn't working. We aren't trained in the sort of constant, skilled care an Alzheimer's sufferer needs. We got no sleep last night, and this morning is already going downhill.
Yes, she needs to be in a memory care facility. Here are the reasons why she isn't...
• She does not have the funds/income to private-pay. Thus, no facility will accept her.
• Even if she could scrape-together the funds to see her through until Medicaid could kick-in, I do not have the legal authority to sell-off the assets necessary (the infamous spend-down) to qualify for Medicaid. She owns two small, run-down properties, one she lives in and the other my brother lives in.
We had been talking to an elder-care attorney about possibly petitioning for guardianship in order to get my brother out of the picture so we can get mom in a facility, but, in our last meeting, he told us he needed $2000 up-front to proceed, that the cost could easily jump much higher, and he didn't feel confident that the Indianapolis courts would decide in our favor. He basically sent the message that he didn't want to proceed, but if we did, it would be very expensive. We barely have a spare $2000, and there is no way we have multiples of that to pay him, especially if he doesn't feel like there is a good chance of us prevailing.
I just feel like we've been tossed into a dead-end of misery. As I said, my brother (mom's primary caregiver) has disappeared. Because of that, we can't simply take her back to her home and leave her there, hoping he will show up and manage her meds and resume care. Everyone in the system, from the hospital social worker, to Adult Protective Services, has abandoned us and basically washed their hands of it and left us to fend for mom on our own.
This is a very dangerous situation. Our nerves are already frazzled and frustrations and tempers are boiling. We literally have no bloody clue what to do, but we know we can't do this. At this point, we are actually considering taking mom home and hope she goes wandering again and ends back at the hospital. At that point, when they call us, we would refuse to help. The way the system treated us, strong-arming us into taking her home with us, has taught us that that is the only viable response.
Please...If there is anyone in central Indiana reading this who can help us, or knows someone who can, we are desperate. Today. If you have resources, please MeMail me. If you want, I can give you my phone number.