He wants me to work. I want to make babies and joy. Can it blend?
May 29, 2014 8:43 AM Subscribe
My husband just told me that having an ambitious, driven wife is really important to him. I have worked like a dog all my life and now that my baby clock is ticking, I was looking forward to stopping and having children and focusing on a household. Is there any way to make us both happy?
posted by sockmeamadeus to Human Relations (71 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
We talked a little bit about this before we were married, but only in generalities. He said that he really liked how hard I went after things I wanted, but didn't specify he meant "careerwise." I said that having and raising children was very important to me, but didn't specify that I wanted to stop working in order to be a part of their early lives. I should state that between the two of us, we make OK money even if I were to leave my fulltime work and take a part-time or no job.
His marriage model - how his parents and the couples he knows and his ideal marriage would work - is of two working parents who both work until they retire together. My marriage model - the one my parents and the couples I know and my ideal marriage would work - is of two people who both work until it's child time, at which point the wife stops working fulltime and raises the kids, going back to work part time or fulltime once the kids are in school.
What to do? I'm getting resentful of what feels like him putting off my childbearing and not valuing it as work, and he's getting resentful about how I don't seem hardworking or want to improve my employment.