Don't try so hard, but don't NOT try either!
May 28, 2014 10:25 AM Subscribe
I have trouble achieving orgasm, but it doesn't really bother me. However, apparently it bothers other people
a whole lot. How can I explain all this in a way that will make sense to others?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (11 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
(Bisexual cis female, late 20s.)
I didn't have an orgasm, even on my own, until age 22, and not with a partner until two years after that. And now I'm on medication which pretty seriously impacts my ability to orgasm. These days, I can do it while masturbating maybe 40-60% of the time. During sex, it's a lot harder, but it does happen sometimes.
I don't have a partner these days, but I date and have sex a fair bit. And the vast majority of people have one of two responses to this information: it's either "I'm going to make you come!" or it's "I don't even have to TRY to make you come!"
The second response sucks for obvious reasons. Luckily more people are of the "ooo let me try" variety, but when I know that a person is just hoping so much that they'll be the one to blow my mind, all I can think of is their needs, not my own. I don't feel like I'm "allowed" to not come, like I will disappoint them terribly if I don't, and then I'm in my head and it's just never going to happen, ever.
My ideal sex is to play around and enjoy myself and if it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't happen then who gives a shit, I still had fun. I LOVE sex, orgasm or no orgasm. But people just don't seem to hear this and believe it very often, and I don't know how to explain to them that the only way for me to come is if they're not so focused on making me come but still do stuff that might make me come, and then I feel like I'm more trouble than I'm worth! How on earth do I get this information across in a way that will make sense to people who've never had this issue in their life?