Friend's blog post leads to relationship strife and ethical debate
May 28, 2014 3:42 AM Subscribe
I have been dating guy A. for over four months. Yesterday he got upset/short with me for not offering sufficient comfort to him regarding our friend's feminist blog post. I am furious and very upset by his reaction, how do I approach him later on today?
posted by Ocellar to Human Relations (73 answers total) 30 users marked this as a favorite
In light of a recent sexual assault case in the local media, a mutual friend wrote a blog post about how too often violence against women is characterized solely as the perpetrator's issue rather than a reflection of the greater fucked up, misogynistic society we live in. She got quite extreme in points and made some comments about the prevalence of misogynistic men in our society, and maybe insinuated that more men than we might think would be willing to commit violence against women.
My boyfriend felt attacked by her comments, and he called me to talk about it. I went a little ways down the notallmen path with him but then also asserted that I agreed with our friend, that we live in a messed up society, that her point was very valid and relevant.
He started going down the 'what about men who are raped'? path, I responded with yes, that's terrible, but we live in a patriarchal society and the way power is structured means that women have less power than men, and rape is a greater threat for women.
He was quite curt with me, sounding annoyed, and cut the conversation short. I texted him later and he wrote back saying that he had called wanting to be comforted because he was feeling vulnerable and hadnt wanted to enter into a discussion about "all the terrible things men do to women." I wrote him back saying I didn't want him to feel vulnerable but that it was a complicated issue that I had strong feelings about, he wrote back again reasserting that he just wanted to be comforted.
I have felt almost uncontrollably furious and upset since. I slept just over three hours last night, alternating between crying and feeling so angry.
The bitter irony in him expecting/feeling entitled to 'comfort' (whatever the fuck that means beyond agreeing with his notallmen rant) at the expense of my own feelings and beliefs is not lost on me.
I haven't been in contact with him since and a part of me wonders if he's waiting for an apology...
I am seeing him later on today, I don't want to start crying/yelling when we meet, how can I approach this in a reasonable, rational way?