Husband and inappropiate pictures
May 23, 2014 5:07 PM Subscribe
I have discovered some questional pictures on my husband's computer. How do I approach him about them, without him getting defensive?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (40 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
About a year and a half ago I stumbled upon my husband's porn collection and found some (for me) disturbing images mixed in with some normal porn. It was an honest accident that I found the porn and he wasn't taking any measures to hide it. The photos I found disturbing were relatively low quality pictures of underage girls on a beach, without tops. I am sure they were not 18 (more like 13 or 14), plus the pictures looked like photos taken on the sly, by someone on the beach.
He doesn't look at websites as far as I know, but downloads images and videos from usenet groups. From the timestamps of the downloads I know he downloaded porn pretty much every day.
I tried to start a discussion about the porn, saying that I was concerned he was downloading so much of it, that it was affecting his life in a negative way (because he was doing it every day) and that I found some of it disturbing/inappropiate. He immediately got defensive and promply created a password for his downloading program, so that I could no longer open it and see what search terms he used. He later promised he would stop watching so much porn. I believed him and we haven't talked about it since.
Today I needed to use his computer and I purposefully looked through his download folders, just out of curiosity. I found more pictures of underage girls. This time they looked like modeling pictures. They were done in a studio, but the girls were definitely not 18 or even 16. The girls looked like they were aspiring models and talked into taking semi-erotic images. It disgusts me that young girls are being taken advantage of like that and that my husband feels the need to support it by downloading those images.
I don't know how to approach him about what I found. If I just bring it up, he'll get defensive and accuse me of violating his privacy and say that he can't trust me etc. How should I talk to him about what I've found?
I don't think he is addicted to porn, because there are days where we are together all day and he doesn't watch porn on those days or when we are on vacation for weeks at a time. I don't think he does it on the weekends, just during the week when he is home and I am at work.
I don't have any problems with normal pornography, but there has to be a line somewhere and for me that is pictures of underage girls. They weren't naked or even topless, but I still find it disturbing. Am I overreacting?