I am 21 years old. Currently I am living at home, working two jobs and trying to figure out what to do for school. I am not close to my family, I was kind of neglected as a kid and feel like I lack a lot of basic life skills and understanding of life. I never realized it before but I am very naive and ignorant. I really want to become more successful socially though, but I'm wondering how exactly to catch up or if I can.
posted by anon1129 to Human Relations (18 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I spent a lot of my childhood alone and isolated. My dad was neglectful and told me I basically don't have a family and grew up myself. Mom is schizophrenic and I don't live wht her, and haven't talked to her in a year because she it emotionally abusive. For example, she frequently acts like we are on good terms, hides what she's mad about and then blows up for something that I hd no idea that bothered her and leaves me 40 (yes 40) voicemails about how horrible I am and that everyone is out to get her and she wishes I was never born, etcetera. My dad's girlfriend and her two kids lived with my dad and I, we didn't get along though. My friends told me that my stepsister said she though I was weird, and it hurt my feelings. My stepmom also thinks I'm weird. My sister who is ten years older moved out when she was 18 because my dad was so mean to her, but he's nicer now. She told me when I was a kid that our family was not normal, and my stepmom always said we were dysfunctional, but I had no idea what that meant. My sister is now a lovely person, she seems totally normal and adjusted, she's smart and everything going for her, so she's kind of a role model to me. When I was a kid I frequently spent all my time in my room listening to music and being introverted. I was painfully shy and awkward, not knowing what to say, and still am though I feel like I understand more.
I also just broke up with my boyfried of five years almost two weeks ago. I feel like we got together because he was desperate and I was lonely, and we stayed together because we had no reason good enough to break up as we were both nice people. I never realized it before though. I feel like I had absolutely no idea of how to be in a relationship, I remember his mom asking what my intentions were and it suddenly occurred to me that I should have an intention with the relationship. Is that weird to not even think about it? I didn't want to marry him but I stayed with him because I thought I was happy. We broke up once before but after this final time of breaking up I do not even feel sad, I feel bad for the lost time for both of us and feel guilty for not ending it sooner, but I actually feel mostly very happy with my decision. Just two weeks after the breakup, I feel happy for the first time in a long time, I feel like a new person, and I feel like I'm actually understanding some things about life. I cleaned my room and had a sudden realization, why do I have all this crap that I never use, stuff that I associate with bad memories?
I got rid of the crap and feel so much clearer. I also had an epiphany that Facebook should be a tool for me to express myself and connect socially, that I should have a life to share things about. I went through my friends list and deleted all the people that jnoropbanly wouldn't even say hi to in public, people from high school that I never even really talked to. Also, when I was in high school I had no idea what college even was, my mom only has a fifth grade education and my dad is a carpenter and stepmom a secretary. I knew absolutely nothing about life after high school, I rarely thought about it, and now I look back and wonder what the hell I was thinking?? I actually did end up going to community college because my older sister kinda told me to and I just did what every one else was doing, I have completed three years of school with kinda low grades and am now looking to transfer to a university but I don't know for what. I want to kind of reinvent myself and make friends there.
I have friends from high school that I occasionally talk to, we lost touch for a long time while I was with my boyfriend, but they have changed since high school and now are potheads and don't go to school and live at home. My dad always told me they were weird, but they accepted me and supported me and so I hug out with them. I don't know they were weird. I tried pot for the first time and I was paranoid and didn't like it, I hung out with them a few times lately and realized they were going nowhere in life as of right now, that they were not good for me, and I don't fit in with them. Everyone said that because they see me as a sweet person who would never do drugs or anything, but I didn't know what they meant I guess. Now I know that people will assume I'm like them if they know I'm friends with them, and I don't want to be like them. how did I not see this before. Everyone is confused why I hung out with them and I just realized I shouldnt be. I want to make new friends at university but I feel like I don't know how to make friends, I use to think tv and movies were a waste of time and don't know a lot about pop culture, but I want to. I have started to ask myself what the purpose of friendship is for me, I never thought about it before.
I know this post is kind of all over the place. I'm just wondering though, but is it normal to be as glaringly ignorant as I am? Is there something wrong with me? I feel like I've matured a lot lately and have realized a lot suddenly. I guess I'm wondering if this all makes sense and how I can become a more normal person. Any insight would be wonderful