My sister is pregnant (YAY!). Sister doesn't talk to my aunt but said I could tell aunt that she is pregnant. Aunt would be thrilled to find out. Do I keep my mouth shut?
I realize that the answer to "do I keep my mouth shut?" is usually yes but please humor me. My sister (this sister!
) is 29+ weeks pregnant. My immediate family is terrified and excited but I think as the pregnancy continues, the excitement is increasing and terror is decreasing (at least for me, hopefully for others).
My mother was the third of four daughters. My aunt T is the oldest, followed by aunt G. My mother died about seven years ago and the youngest sister died about three years before. Aunt G is an amazing person. G has a husband and five kids, three of whom are married, one divorced, all of whom have grandkids (her 11th and 12th grandchildren are due this summer!).
T is a wonderful person though a little crazy. T is retired, never married, lives alone. She's active in her community - she reads at church, volunteers at the hospital, chauffeurs the really older ladies in her community. She's a homebody - doesn't go more than a few hours from home often, rarely flies. I love T. Part of it is that she is my mother's sister but also she really is a genuinely kind and sweet woman. That said, T can be abrasive and has rubbed people the wrong way, including my sister.
T has a history of using inappropriate language to describe people who come from different backgrounds. I think that she has gotten a lot better but she's the same person. T is also a pro-life, Catholic Republican. When my mother died, T wanted to talk about "the unborn" during the Mass for my mother. I told my sister and walked away. When I came back, I heard my sister say, "No, and you know what? I don't think we should have to say 'under God' in the pledge of allegiance!" I offer this for context, not because this was a huge deal (at least in my opinion).
My sister was pregnant with twins about 18 months ago. The babies were born too early and died the weekend of T's 70th birthday. T asked if my father and other sister knew that the babies were in trouble when they went to T's party. I think they did but I'm not sure. The real question may have been, did someone not tell her something. But I'm lousy at reading between the lines and T isn't subtle so I think she would say that if that was what was bothering her. At a holiday party a few weeks after the twins were born, my sister was sitting between my father and T. T leaned over my sister to ask my father how my sister was doing. T also gave my sister a birthday card where the first line of it said something like, sorry your babies died.
My sister has said that she does not have happy memories from spending time with T so she does not talk to T. I talk on the phone occasionally to T and T has asked me for my sister's phone number. I have demurred. I'm pretty sure T has my sister's address so she can send her a card. I know that T would be over the moon to hear that my sister is expecting. She might be hurt that she's finding out now but I think she'll be very happy all the same. G knows my sister is pregnant and has told all of her kids.
My sister said that I can tell T she's expecting. But I think it would be rough to tell T when my sister doesn't want to talk to her on the phone. My sister lives 1,000+ miles from T so they're not going to see each other any time soon and there's no threat of T popping up at my sister's doorstep. I think that T has tried to get my sister's attention by "like"-ing everything on my sister's Facebook page but my sister may have blocked her. T is relatively healthy so I'm not worried about her keeling over any time soon (knock on wood) so there isn't the pressure of "tell her before she dies!" but on the other hand, there will likely be another person at Christmas so T will find out someday.
Would it be rubbing salt in the wound to tell T that my sister is pregnant when I can't share her phone number? Should I tell T? Admittedly I might be letting my own excitement about my sister's pregnancy get the better of me and I don't want to do anything to cause her any stress. But T is family and I feel like she should know what's up.