We both want a baby - but can't agree on when
May 5, 2014 12:03 PM Subscribe
My fiancee and I are getting married in August 2015, next year. We have had all the big talks about our future, including children. Previously, we were happy to wait until we were married to have children, but recently she has been changing her mind. What gives?
posted by Petrot to Human Relations (36 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
My fiancee and I are getting married in August 2015, next year. We have had all the big talks about our future, including children. Previously, we were happy to wait until we were married to have children, but recently she has been changing her mind.
She now wants to start trying for children immediately (since about a month ago), for the reasons below:
1. She will be turning 30 a few months after the wedding, and doesn't want to be "an old mother"
2. She doesn't want to be pregnant during the wedding, so it needs to be before.
3. She feels that if we agree on having children (which we do) then why do we need to wait.
On the other hand, I want to wait until after we're married for the reasons below, that previously we had both agreed on:
1. She has 2 children from a previous unmarried relationship, and she wanted her next child/ren to be born in wedlock
2. My job will be requiring me to go away a lot during the next year, so I won't be around much before the wedding (therefore missing out on the pregnancy - this will be my first!)
3. I was brought up with the idea that you had children after marriage. This is a personal hangup to me, but it is difficult to shake off.
4. We're still saving money to pay for the wedding, we didn't think we'd be financially stable enough for a child as well
After we're married, my job will calm down, and we'll have more money behind us
I love her lots, and we have a good relationship. We agree a lot about things, and I value her judgement. This time, I can't understand her point of view - and why it has changed.
Are her reasons justified? Is there a middle ground? How is best to respond to her? Can you help me to understand her better ( and yes, we have talked about this lots over the last month)