Is there good reason to cry over spilled beans?
April 29, 2014 8:16 PM Subscribe
Throughout the entirety of my life, my immediate family has existed under a heavy shroud of secrecy. Within my current relationship, I cast it off for my boyfriend. Is this a decision I will come to deeply regret?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (24 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
Growing up, my mother trusted very few people. As a result, my parents didn't mingle socially with other adults, and I wasn't allowed to do much or say much about our mostly mundane home life to outsiders. I'm now an introverted adult in a long term relationship that is seen as steadily chugging along towards the altar. I tried to explain my parents' unconventional behavior towards him to him at first, but I kept stumbling into and stepping over taboos. Eventually, I start spilling the beans. Not all of the beans, but in retrospect, some *serious* beans that weren't mine to spill and have the potential to ruin my relationship with my mother if she finds out I snitched. My relationship with my S.O. is fine now, but I've fairly recently discovered that he has a bit of a strong petty streak that runs through him and... markedly different standards of acceptable behavior/boundaries than I have when angry. What do I do now? I can't unsay anything, I can only hope he forgets/fails to discern the most potentially damaging thing.
If anyone here has been in my position, were you able to trust your partner, or do people often decide to "salt the earth" with things said in confidence... about other things presumably said in confidence in the midst of a messy breakup?