Where do people who share my values hang out?
April 29, 2014 4:28 AM Subscribe
Nearly all of my friends are in the fetish scene; of late I have found that the community seems to be full of fair weather good time friends, and largely missing those friends that help you in a pinch. I want to give myself the opportunity to meet people with whom deeper friendships could form. Where should I look?
posted by Mistress to Human Relations (19 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
Over the past few years I have realised that I am a fairly rare type of person. I am truly altruistic - I regularly go out of my way to help people, even when it puts me at a disadvantage. I organised a regular party for people in the scene and someone tipped off the neighbours, forcing me to cancel the events; almost nobody even offered condolences. I've had stalking and people offering to kick my door own. My fiance and I are shaken to say the least; we have drastically cut down our wedding guest list, as we have discovered that seemingly close friends are anything but.
It is good politics for me to be friendly and nice to these people even when they aren't nice to me, but it is soul-sucking. I want to build friendships over time that are built on empathy and trust. The fetish community may have a bias towards selfish people because we all come in to indulge our personal interests; would other special interest groups, such as hiking or photography, offer a better selection? I don't want to commit the time otherwise, as I will have to keep my work and life secret from people in such a group, at least to start, and that is draining as well. I thought about a church or a meditation group, but others have warned me spiritual seekers can be quite selfish as well. Alternatively, suggestions on how I can more effectively build friendships in my existing community are extremely welcome.
By the nature of my work I project strength but it feels quite hollow at the moment; I really need to get started on building a good network. I should also say that the opportunity to help others in friendship is as important to me, if not more so, than the opportunity to get support from friends. I am in therapy and have a wonderful and supportive fiance.