Please help me get her out of my head.
April 29, 2014 1:50 AM Subscribe
I broke up with someone just over 3 months ago and I just cannot get her out of my head. I don’t know if this is a fixation, obsession, rumination or normal grieving?
posted by blokefromipanema to Human Relations (28 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I have written my story here before, but a brief synopsis to give some context:
I was recently in an on/off relationship with a woman which spanned about 4 years. She dumped me 3 times, each time it came out of the blue and each time by text. I was/ am still very much in love with this woman and I’m still upset about the most recent break up which happened just over 3 months ago.
I know this relationship has been unhealthy for me and it would be insane to ever consider getting back with her as clearly she does not feel the same way about me as I feel about her. However, I am constantly thinking about her and it is wearing me out. I don’t want to be constantly thinking about her and it feels as if she has polluted my thoughts. I don’t know if what I am going through is a normal part of grieving or something else? I want it to stop, or at least know that it will stop.
I haven’t tried, nor have any intention of reconciling with her, so why can’t I get her out of my head?
Here are some of the positive things I am doing to get me through this break up:
No contact. I haven’t attempted to contact her since she ended it and I don’t cyberstalk, hang out in places she might pop up etc. I’ve done my utmost to completely stay away from her.
Staying fit and healthy: I am eating well, have got a good fitness regime and have cut back on alcohol consumption.
Hanging out with friends
Spending time with family (My elderly parents and grown up sons)
Giving myself things to look forward to such as holidays.
Here are some of the things I feel may be counter-productive:
Spending too much time visiting websites that have advice about breaking up, broken hearts, relationships etc: At first I think it helped but now I think maybe they anchor me in the break up feelings.
Reading self help books: Again, as helpful as they can be I wonder if they just make me more aware of how upset I am about this relationship and it’s break down.
Listening to melancholy music.
Has anyone got any advice about how I can stop constantly thinking about her, and if it’s common for people to feel like this after this kind of break up?
I don’t feel like I have gotten closure on this relationship because of the nature of how she ends it with me. She never really explains her reasons. The most recent break up was communicated to me via a text telling me she wasn’t feeling the relationship anymore. This, a week after telling me she loved me .I also have this feeling she will get back in touch someday because each time she has dumped me previously she has gotten back in touch months later. As a consequence this has me in some sort of weird waiting mode.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.