Should I move in with my girlfriend and her flatmates?
April 24, 2014 8:42 PM Subscribe
My girlfriend (25) and I (cis male, 26) have been dating for about a year and a half, are pretty sure that this is the real deal, and are ready to move in with each other. We're trying to decide if I should move into her apartment with her and her flatmates, or if we should move in to our own apartment together. Lots of extra details below!
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (35 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
First of all, I work and am taking graduate classes part time, and she is just about to start her fourth and final year of medical school. She currently has four flatmates (all women, and three of whom are also in medical school); she splits the master bedroom with a fourth roommate.
Because my girlfriend splits a room, she and I have spent almost the entirety of every weekend at my place for the past year and a half. It just so happens that my flatmate is moving out this summer, and my girlfriend's roommate is also moving out this summer. As things stand, I will need to find another flatmate, and she will need to find another roommate to share the master bedroom with.
However, we had already been discussing moving in together in the future, and we both feel ready to make the move this summer. We have two choices: either I could move into the other spot in the master bedroom that her roommate is vacating, or we could find our own apartment together.
At first, we had discussed the possibility of me moving into the master bedroom and it was something that we both thought would work out. My girlfriend also started discussing the possibility of me moving in with her flatmates, and they seemed to think it was a good idea. However, I discussed the situation with some of my coworkers, and they expressed concern at the idea of me moving into an already established apartment.
Admittedly, my coworkers are at different stages in their lives, so the fact that they balked at the idea of me moving into this situation isn't exactly a surprise. Still, hearing their concerns made me consider some of the drawbacks of moving to my girlfriend's place:
-I'm nervous about feeling like others will be involved in our relationship. I'm particularly nervous about potentially getting into disagreements with my girlfriend in front of her flatmates, though we rarely do
-I'm worried that I won't feel "at home" for a year - that I'll feel like I'm essentially visiting for an extended amount of time
-I'm worried about the potential of subletters during the year - there will be times when some of the flatmates will be away for a few months, and they may try to find subletters for their rooms
Things to consider:
-This would be for a maximum of a year - everyone will be graduating from med school and going their separate ways
-It would be easier (and cheaper) for me to move into her apartment, especially considering that we may leave our current city depending on where she is placed for residency at the end of the year
-In fact, moving into our own apartment together now would be barely affordable for us, but is doable
-My girlfriend's flatmates don't want to see her leave
-My girlfriend loves her flatmates and would love to spend her final year of med school with them, but would be willing to move in together to our own apartment should that be what we decide is best for us
-I get along great with all of her flatmates
-More importantly, my girlfriend's flatmates all get along great with me, and have all expressed comfort at the idea of me moving in
So, Mefites, have any of you ever lived in this kind of situation? Have you lived, as part of a couple, with other flatmates? More importantly, has your first "living together" experience been similar - essentially, have you learned to live with a SO while sharing a space with other flatmates? Will we be able to survive a year in this situation? Or are my coworkers correct, and will we be spending the year navigating a minefield?